“What did you say? You are giving up on me?”

“No. It just that you look happy with him rather than me. I just ‘cause you pain. And it hurts me seeing you in pain.” explained Yoochun. He knows that he used to promise to not give him up. But seeing the one you love is in pain because of you, he doubt he can bring Junsu happiness. So maybe he can let him go so he can find his happiness even if it not with him.

“That’s it?” Junsu is so disappointed. How can he give him up just like that. But than he knew that Yoochun never fight for him since the beginning.

“I just want you to be happy.”

“Whatever… After all… I’ve been forced into this marriage and now, I’m been forced to get divorce. I had a lot of reasons to give up on you but i still choose to stay. You had a lot of reasons to stay but you choose to give up”

*******                                                     

Ding Dong

“Junsu?”

“Yunho. Is Jaejoong here?”

“Not yet. He has a late meeting. Why I feel like déjà vu.”

“I can wait.”

“What? You want to see him, not me?”

“I ask about him didn’t I?”

“Well… yeah... but before…”

“Anyway maybe I should asked your permission also.”

“Permission.”

I Want to borrow Jaejoong.”

“What?! Why?”

“You don’t have to shout. I ‘m just in front of you.”

“I’m sorry, but… you… Jaejoong… borrow… Why?”

Suddenly they heard the front door being open.

“Yunnie I’m home. I hate late meeting.” Said Jaejoong while entering the house.

“Jaejoong. Finally!” said Junsu

“Junsu? Why are you here?”

“To borrow you.”

“What? Yunnie?” JAejoong look at his husband hoping him to clarify it.

“I didn’t understand either.”

“Fine sit down Jae, I’ll explain.”

All of them sit down facing Junsu with eagerly and confuse look on their face.

“I want to borrow you for a week so I can know you better.”

“We’ve known each other long time ago.”

“Yeah but I hate you before.”

“So you don’t hate me now?”

“Nope, still hate you.”

“But you want to know me better?”

 “Yep.”

“And I supposed to live with you, the one who is still hate me?”

“Yep.”

“Why? You still didn’t explain anything.”

“What? I told you because I want to know you better.”

“Why?”

“…”

“You didn’t like me but you want to know me. Nope. You want to live with me. Why?”

“…”

“Kim Junsu.” Said Jaejoong with a stern voice because Junsu didn’t answer his question yet.

“I want to know what so good about you that make Chunnie loves you and choose you.”

“I‘d thought so. It must be something related to Yoochun right? Sometimes I envy Yoochun because whatever you did it’s all because of him. And Junsu, since when did he choose me? He married to you. He. Choose. You.”

“He want to divorce.”

“WHAT!!”

“Then why are you want to do all this?”

“Maybe he will change his mind?”

“How? By being me? This is absurd!”

“This is my last resort?”

“Your last resort is being me? You still can’t let me go? He loves YOU. Not me.”

“Try seduce him, he will come back to you in a flash.”

“Kim Junsu!”

“What?”

“Can you trust your own husband for once?”

“He want to divorce me and which part should I trust?”

“Junsu…”

“You should remember how you guys first met and all your sweet memories with him. Try to start over again.”

*******

“I heard you want to give up on him?” Yunho asked Yoochun.

“I just want him to be happy and apparently he’s not happy with me.”

“Why are you giving up on him so easily? It’s not even a year that you guys get married. When it comes to Jaejoong, you preserve even you knew he doesn’t love you back but you still continue to like him even after we are together. But when it come to Junsu, you just give it up like that. Like when you chase him to Japan just for a day. How he want to trust your loves when you show no determination to keep him by your side, to still love him? You used to tell him that you love Jaejoong, more than you tell him that you love him. His heart is broken so much before and it needs a great gum to put the pieces back together.”

“I am a useless husband. I can’t make my wife happy. I can’t even save him!”

*******

“Are you guys serious about it?” asked Yunho.

“Well he never truly loves me.” said Junsu.

“No. You are happy with Changmin!” retorted Yoochun.

“For gods sake. Changmin is already engaged! We already fight about this before.”

-Flashback-

“What are you guys talking about? Why are you with him? What did he said that make you smile like that?” They already reach their home.

“He’s my doctor for god’s sake.”

“But he still a man. And also Changmin.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“He make you smile happily, beautifully.”

“So?”

“I’m jealous okay! He can make you smile.”

“Jealous?”

“Yes!”

“You, jealous of me?”

“Yes!”

“Why?”

“What do you mean why?”

“Why are you jealous?”

“I said before. He make you smile.”

“I heard that. So what if he can make me smile?”

“Because I can’t. I love you but I can’t make you smile.”

“You jealous of me because you love me?”

“Of course! Isn’t that obvious?”

“You jealous because of me?”

“For the love of god, yes! And where are you going?” asked Yoochun as he sees Junsu stand up and walking to the front door.

“YunJae.”

‘Why he need to see them?’

“Junsu?”

“He jealous because of me.”

“What?” Asked Jaejoong confused hearing Junsu word when he open the door.

“Yoochun?” Add Yunho.

Yoochun explained

“Why you seems shocked?” asked Jaejoong.

“He jealous because of me. Because he loves me”.

“Of course he is. He loves you.”

“But when he sees you guys together, he was sad but he didn’t mad. Wait… is that’s mean he loves you so much until he just want to see you happy or he didn’t love that much to the point that he didn’t jealous because of you.” Junsu seems like talking to himself.

“Yunnie, come. Let them settle this alone.”

“Owh ok.”

“Is it true?” asked Yunho.

“About what?”

“Yoochun didn’t get jealous.”

“How should I know? Park Yoochun tells only Kim Junsu everything.” said Jaejoong with a wide smile. “Despite up and down relationship they have before, Yoochun always tells Junsu everything. Even though he court me, he never really open up his heart to me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Yunnie, when he was courting me, he wants to know about me, he want me to tell him everything, but he never trust me enough to tell me about himself.  He wants me to depend on him and yet he depends on Junsu.”

“So you were saying…”

“Maybe he is already in love with him from the very beginning.”

-Flashback end-

“But….”

“You are stupidly jealous and that is all it takes for you to let me go... I just need someone who won’t give up on me no matter what.”

“You deserved to be with someone who makes you happy, someone who doesn’t complicate your life, someone who won’t hurt you, someone who can save you.”

“Changmin is engaged. But even if he is not, have you ever heard that I want to be with someone else?”

“But…”

“Can you just fight for me till the end?”

“But you had been hurt too much by me.”

“And what makes you think this wouldn’t hurt me more?”

“….”

“Just do whatever you want to do. You never truly love me aren’t you?” 

Yoochun sighed heavily. “No! I do love you. You just never believe it.”

“You know what, love is not about how much you say ‘I love you’ but how much you can prove that it’s true. And I don’t think this is one of the prove.”

***

“Junsu, he loves you. He try to find you back in Japan before. Don’t ever let go of someone that loves you back.”

“Shim Changmin… FYI I am not the one who wants to divorce. It’s not even cross my mind and yet he said it to my face. What am I supposed to do? Beg him? Cry a river for him?” Junsu feels lifeless right now. ‘Why can’t Yoochun think of other way to get us together? Why divorce? Am I not worth fighting for?’

“You don’t have to do all that. Just trust his love for you.”

“I will always be his even when he doesn’t want me.” Junsu said sadly.

“But still you have to trust him especially when it comes to Jaejoong. He choose to married to you, you know.”

“That’s because he can’t married Jaejoong!”

“See? You never believe him.”

“What can he do to make you trust him?”

“Always choose me no matter what. Just choose me.” answered Junsu while holding his tears. “Make me feels like I’m number one in his life. That I’m not an option. I wanted him to fight for me. I wanted to be someone worth fighting for. But apparently I’m not.” Junsu is already in tears. He can’t hold himself anymore. It hurts so much knowing how easy to end a relationship.

“Junsu…” Changmin doesn’t know how to comfort his best friend. He really looks broken.

****

“You are jealous of me and him?” Changmin asked Yoochun.

“I…”

“I am engaged and he never loves anyone else but you. It always you. How come you can think like that?”

“We are married yet he never happy with me.”

“He need time…”

“How long?”

“Does it matter? You love him forever right?”

“….”

“Yoochun? Forever right?”

“Truth is I don’t know. I don’t know how to make him love me. I don’t know how to show him my love.”

“How did you do it with Jaejoong before? How you endure it even though you know that he loves Yunho? And why can’t you do it when you and the whole wide world know that Junsu loves you?”

“I….because…. he always be there. No matter how much he hate me for liking Jaejoong, he always be there to comfort me. So now, when I fight with the only one that can comforts me I don’t know how to handle it. I don’t know to solve it. It’s always his word that made me stand up and try again.”

“Junsu said you just need to choose him. Always choose him no matter what. Do you think you can do that? You have to understand that he has been an option for a long time so now he needs to be your priority. He need to feels that he is the only one.”

“You mean…”

“You can still save and help others but-

“Except Jaejoong.”

“It’s your choice. Nevertheless, Jaejoong have Yunho, his own husband to take care of him and you should do the same too. He’s your wife Yoochun. Love him, protect him as he already done that for you years ago.”

All people want to help them... but only they can help themselves.

Thank you for still reading this story.... all your comment warms me