Its 5 years already. Since that horrible weekends.

Sungyeol could feel the morning already come but he couldn’t tell what time is it. It may be at the early morning since he could feel the cold and windy freeze blowing in from his slightly opened window. Haaa, it’s so comfy that makes Sungyeol want to sleeps all day long.

Then there’s quite strong wind blows in brushing his back. Oh, it may be too hot last night that he pull off whatever he wears before jumps on the bed. His body shivered in cold. Especially when he just realized his long legs are exposed without any cover.

So his hand wandering around with his still closed eyes finding whatever that can keep him a little warm. At last he grabbed (whatever) is it and nuzzle into it lazily. He’s pretty sure it’s Saturday so he don’t have any reason to wake up by the time now. He quickly off to a dreamland again and snore softly with a soft blanket all over him to hide himself from the wind. This is heaven.

Until…

“Yeol… Sungyeol… Hush, baby. Wake up. It’s almost noon dear”

He kind of register that voice in his mind, but whose it belong to he doesn’t quite catch it. He wants to find whose voice is it but his mind seems want to continue the story from his dream.

“…Yeolie… Wake up.” That soothes voice rings again in his ear. Now closer. He could feel the hot breath from that person.

Sungyeol let out his childish whine. Not wanting to wake up. Then a soft hand land on his back. Softly patted and rubbed his back. Doesn’t that person know it’ll just make him want to sleep more? Sungyeol smile softly behind his blanket that covers his mouth. A small shake follow up then. When that person thinking he’s really have no intention to wake up.

Sungyeol being a stubborn kid he is, pulled that person down. Making him flopped beside him. And his long arm circles that warm body. Snuggle happily at the crook of his neck. Ignoring the shocked voice that comes out from that person.

Sungyeol doesn’t even bother to open his eyes all this time and planned to continue doing it so until he get his sleep all he want. A soft brush of warm hand running his hair that at last land at his back. It comes with a soft peck on his forehead a second later. He snuggles closer and keep the warm body close to his chest.

Ahhh, this is truly heaven.

He doesn’t want to even care whose he’s been hugging right now. It’s too damn comfortable, and familiar. These warmth. These touch. These scents. It feels like… Myungsoo…

That’s make Sungyeol cracked open his eyes. A pair of collarbones greets him. He looked up, meet with a familiar Adam’s apple. Sungyeol gulped. It can’t be. He stiffened. Realizing that, the person leaned back enough to face him.

Damn.

It’s really Myungsoo.

With reflex and loud shrieks Sungyeol push Myungsoo away, cover his half body with his arms. Eyes opened up in shocked. What the-? How? What happened? Is this a dream? Sungyeol looked around panicky. If it is, a sweet dream or a nightmare?

“Ahaha, Yeol. What are you being all shocked up for? I though you want more sleep?” Myungsoo asked sweetly.

The usual way he’ll waked him up before. 5 years ago. Before that thing happened.

Wait.

Sungyeol grabbed his smart phone. Checking the date. Damn, it’s really been 5 years. He looked up, it’s really Myungsoo in front of him. Looking at him with curiosity. This must be a dream. So he pinched his cheeks hard. Awwow. Why did it hurts? Wait, how he had come to this? Wait… Ahhhh!!! Sungyeol pulled his hair.

Myungsoo that just watched silently before pulled Sungyeol arms away from his hair. “What are you doing Yeol?” A sweet chuckle comes after that.

“Did…”

“Hmm?”

“Did we… umm… get back together or something?”

The question makes Myungsoo tilts in confusion. “Are you still angry about the pudding you saved for the weekend?”

“Pudding? No no… I mean… heck, why can’t I remember a thing?” Sungyeol mumbled. Myungsoo’s hand on his arm felt too real to be in a dream. But still, why can’t he remember a thing?

“What Sungyeol? You are making me curious.” Sungyeol could feel the concern on Myuungsoo’s voice and the soft grip on his arm. Damn, he misses this moment. And all the hatred he could think about him all gone now. Weird. Did he really forgive Myungsoo? After all Myungsoo did to him? Really?

“Uhh… I seem to have lost my memory. But how did we get back together after you marry that girl 5 years ago? Did I really forgive you?” Sungyeol decide being bold will at least answer some of his question.

Myungsoo’s taken back with his question. “Why do you ask this? Are you still mad at me?”

“Just answer me”

“But still…”

“I already told you I can’t remember right?”

“But why all of sudden? We rarely bring this thing up”

“Myungsoo, could you please do me a favour and tell the heck happened 5 years ago!”

“Okay, but you’re not mad right?” Sungyeol shakes his head furiously.

“Uhh... At that time, I keep begging for your forgiveness. Especially after you move in with that Woohyun guy. I tried every way to know your address since your friend won’t tell me a thing. And you changed your phone number after that. And I can’t even wait in front of your office since Sunggyu told the bodyguards to shove me off. I practically become crazy at that time you know. Sometimes I can get a hold of you when we bumped into each other. But you totally reject me. But I keep trying. And trying until…” He stopped awhile. “I got into accident in front of you. A big load truck missed his step to break when I run after you. I was coma for about 3 months. And when I woke up. You were there. You were there waiting patiently for me” Myungsoo break a tear. “You were there Sungyeol. You don’t know how much I’m thankful for that. I’m willing to be hit thousand times if you’re willing to come back to me.”

And that hits him back. The memory is flooding in his brain. He remember how scared of losing Myungsoo at that time. How Myungsoo will leave him forever. No more his smiles. No more his deep voice. No more his shadow. He cannot lie how he will be fine without Myungsoo anymore.

“…And I forgive you just like that…”

However he just remembers that part only. How he’s been patiently waiting for Myungsoo to wake up. Taking care of him for all those 3 months without hoping anything as return. He’s just sincerely wished Myungsoo will woke up and able to smile like always.

His heart feels heavy. And seeing Myungsoo break down like this makes he want to cry too.

“I’m sorry Sungyeol. I’m sorry for hurting you all this time. I really regret for what I had done. For the first time we met until now.” The grip on his arm getting tighter.

Sungyeol sighed. He can’t believe he really get back together with Myungsoo after all. But of course he doesn’t want Myungsoo to be hurt. To be gone. Or it’s likely he’s afraid of that. And now, does he absolutely forgive Myungsoo?

Sungyeol hold his chest. Nope. No hatred. No nothing. Maybe a slight happiness in his heart. It’s just too weird how could he able to forgive him. And somehow he hates this. This feeling. Like he totally lost under Myungsoo’s spell. Damn.

Wait.

What about Woohyun? And that girl?

A sudden opened door makes both of them turned. A certain girl that looked like that girl from before with a slight old features standing in front of the door. With a kid around 4 years old on her arm.

“Honey, what takes you so long to wake Yeollie up?”

*

He can’t believe this. Damn himself. What had you done Sungyeol? You’ve ed your whole life. What had you done? Sungyeol can’t shrug the question out from his mind. He’s now sitting crossed-leg at the dining table. Blaming himself while watching that girl, Suzy, busy preparing their lunch with Myungsoo trying to help a bit here and there (or more like disturbing her to cook).

They are too sweet together that he cannot hate them. And he really hates himself because of that. How can he accept them to be live together with that girl and their child? He must be insane!!!

Sungyeol is totally relieved when he learned they sleep in different room -or else he’ll think that they had a and he’ll never know whose child that is- but still how can he be okay with that? His hand run through his hair frustrated.

His eyes fixated on Myungsoo’s back. He’s kind of different now. A bit better. And become more handsome. No more that thin body but a well-defined tough body. Not too muscular but still he can see the abs behind that shirt. He became manly now. No longer dark chocolate colored fringe that cover most of his forehead but a short cut black hair instead. He sighed again.

Then a small hand tugging his shirt. He looked down and meets up with a pair of similar eyes with Myungsoo. This kid is too alike with Myungsoo. It’s like a copy paste of him. Completely. He sighed again. Why there’s no slight of jealousy at all? It’s too damn weird!!! And he really re-conform that he’s not in a dreamland, by slicing his finger using the kitchen knife and resulting been banned from entering the kitchen for at least one month worth.

“…Yeollie appa… Wae? You get hurt again?” The kid asked too cutely Sungyeol think.

“No. I’m not hurt anymore.” He brushed the kid’s hair gently. Every strands of his hair also feels the same with Myungsoo.

“Then, why are you sad?”

Sungyeol can’t help but draw a smile. He’s too sweet. This Kim Myungmin. “I’m not sad. I’m confused.”

“Confused? What is confused?”

“Urm, it’s when you know about something but don’t really know about it”

“Hurm? It’s difficult. Myungmin cannot understand.” He shakes his head.

“Yeah, I don’t understand too.”

“Appa, what is confused?” He shouts to his dad.

“Huh?” Myungsoo turned from chopping the carrot.

“Urm.. It’s like you cannot pick whether to eat chocolate or candies?”

“Owh. So what thing Yeollie appa want to pick to?” The boy turned to Sungyeol again.

“This time or 5 years ago.”

“Huh? Okay. So what you choose?”

“I don’t know that’s why I’m confused”

“Okay. But don’t be sad Yeollie appa. Or Myungmin will be sad too”

“Haha, Myungmin is a sweet boy. Okay” Myungmin nodded in agree.

Sungyeol just looked when he’s running to his mom’s side. He chuckles when he heard “Yeollie appa is weird today. He cannot pick whether to eat this time or 5 years ago”

*

When all four of them sit on the table, Sungyeol cannot hide his awkwardness. He seems he’s a third wheel in that house. Seeing three of them eating and chatting happily makes him feel he’s not fit in that house. Why in the first place he agree to this? Living with them? Sungyeol must be crazily stupid all this 5 years of his life. Oh slash that, all the time he knows Myungsoo.

And this house, are not theirs. It’s not the same house that Myungsoo and he’s been sharing before this. It’s her house. And maybe Sungyeol agree to stay there because he has no other place. Urghh, he wants to cry thinking all of this. Even he cannot defend his favorite home.

And Woohyun. He cannot find a trace of memory about that guy after he confessed to him that night. Did he leave Woohyun just like that? No way, Sungyeol, you’ve been a bad guy now huh. Selfishly running towards Myungsoo. And Dongwoo. Sunggyu. Hoya. Sungjong. Did he abandon them too? , he really can’t remember a thing.

He really, really wants to call at least Dongwoo. To find out the truth. But he can sense even the angelic Dongwoo won’t forgive him if he really did that to them. He’s been worried sick that they won’t forgive him. Because again, he could feel the angst in his heart that they’re madly angry with him. Did he really reject Woohyun and stay here with them?

Sungyeol really have no appetite now. “Thanks for the meal” He stand and walked to kitchen. Throw away the not eaten rice and wash the bowl quietly. He’s tired.

He’s sitting quietly in front of television after that. Crossed-leg on the couch. Switching channels one after another, maybe there’s something fun to watch today. But Myungsoo come to join beside him. He glance once and continue watch whatever on television.

Then a warm hand softly patted his head. Playing with his hair. Sungyeol just let that be. It’s just a normal habit of Myungsoo to pamper someone he likes. But then the kid come and sits on Myungsoo’s lap. He must like be spoiled by Myungsoo. Well, he always thinks Myungsoo can be a great and fun dad to his kids. Pampering them like what he’s doing right now to Myungmin. Awhile after Suzy come with a plate of cut fruit on her hand. She flopped on the soft carpet in front of Myungsoo. Her back on Myungsoo’s leg. She passed the plate over to the back, Myungsoo take some of it. Sungyeol passed it back down when the plate on his hand.

Do they really have this calm and peaceful kind of environment? This is damn weird. He pushed himself up and let Myungsoo’s hand fall from his hair. He’s pretty sure Myungsoo want to asked if he’s okay since he’s not saying a word when he don’t want to eat before. And maybe Suzy too. She must be curious. Wanna ask if he’s really okay. And if he’s not okay, why. He really doesn’t know her, but he could feel that she’s concern about him. But he doesn’t want to face all that. He doesn’t want to answer their question. It’s not like they can give the answer that’s been building up in his mind since he woke up. Or more like he’s afraid to even open his mouth.

He walked to his bedroom. He wants to sleep again.

Maybe this is just one of his nightmares.