Sungyeol laugh at Hoya's jokes. He's sure a funny friend. Sungyeol limbs now are flailing all around comically, foot stomps on the floor continuously and not forgetting to hit Hoya's shoulder to let out his own hilarity. Tears bursting out when Hoya add some spices to his jokes. His stomach hurt from all of that.  

"Hoya... Hoya, stop. Ahaha, awww... my tummy... I'll dead if you continue." He brush away his tears with his fingers. The day is almost over and they are having some fun at the shopping mall to grab some dinner and of course a coffee at Sungyeol request. 

Hoya smiled. Satisfied with his own plan to make him laugh hysterically. He realized Sungyeol's dark circle under his eyes are getting darker. He must be staying up lately. Asking him out is one of his plan to get him distracted from Myungsoo. And looks like his plan going smoothly with a teary Sungyeol on his side. Hands on his pocket and hummed his favorite hip hop song while following Sungyeol to a electronics toy shop. Again? He rolled his eyes but walked in to join the other anyway.  

"What now? Your helicopter needs some medicine?" He looks around the shop. It's full of remote control toys. Whatever, it's still a toy to him no matter how much Sungyeol explain to him it's not just a mere toy.  

"No, you ." Sungyeol give him a glare and continue asking the shop assistant some question about his beloved toys (according to Hoya).  

Then they are out with a too much delight radiant from Sungyeol and Hoya can't help to rolled again his eyes but at the end smiled along too.  

"You spend too much on it until you're left with nothing on your body but a bones. And me adding my expenses for your dinner."  

"Sungjong said I'm full of fat. On my cheek especially. So it's okay." Sungyeol said nonchalantly while looking at his shopping bag. Checking if he ever left out something.  

Hoya frowned. Sungyeol is always like this. Selling himself short. Sometimes he called himself ignorant and don't have many advantages compared to others. Hoya can relate some of that with him, but he's just a fine kid. Nothing to compare with anyone. Sungyeol is just Sungyeol. Why can’t he admit it that he's just fine? Why bother so much about what other people said? 

Somehow he can put the blame on Sungjong. The overly direct Sungjong can hurt anybody. And Sungyeol can be on the top five on his list the one he may indirectly and directly hurt. He's not accused Sungjong 100% to be the one that make Sungyeol to be insecure like this. But saying thing like that to the overly sensitive Sungyeol will of course affect him. Although Sungyeol always mention it like its not a big deal to him.  

So he pull that full cheek with his strong finger. Sungyeol's body leaned downwards due to height difference. "Awww-waaaww.. Hoyaaaa... What the heck are you doing?" He tried to control his laugh when he's faced with a funny-looking but still cute Sungyeol.  

"Conforming the fat on your cheek. But, nah... There's just a cute cheek here, not a fat." He pulled it again making the other whining in pain. But surely Hoya caught the blush rising his cheek. 

"Haish, let me go." At last Hoya letting his cheek free and chuckled a little. "It must be red like a baboon's ." Sungyeol rubbed his already red cheek.  

"Haha, let’s go. I'm hungry. What do you wanna eat?" He grabbed Sungyeol's shoulder and let it hang on it although the other is sometimes cannot be reached because of his tall figure. Sungyeol look around him for a while thinking of what he want to get for his grumbling tummy.  

But then he caught something that he really don't want to see right now. Please tell him why he have to bump with his ex and his roommate at this time? Why of all times, it's now? But his eyes sparks something. Right? It's time to use all his skills to get a revenge. So he just link at Hoya's arm dragging him to a same restaurant that Myungsoo and Sungjong was in.  

He believed Hoya also saw them since they are away just a few tables from them. He deliberately sitting close to Hoya and grabbed his arm once again when looking at the menu. It's not such a fancy restaurant but still nice with the cool environment that makes Sungyeol comfortable to stay long. He huffed silently, Myungsoo must have choose this place unconsciously because this is the type of place that Sungyeol will head to when they are going out.  

He become ridiculously clinging to Hoya. Feeding him. Wiping his mouth with his fingers. Chewing his food delightfully. And of course his excessive aegyo. He laughed silently in the heart, Hoya must be disgusted with him right now. But he don't care. He'll show that bastard Myungsoo and that girly Sungjong that he'll be fine without them. And Sungyeol enjoy their time too eating out.  

Just when Hoya want to put up his hand calling the bill from the waiter, the two showed up in front of them. Sungyeol's stunned. He didn't think that they will ever show up. Sungyeol nervously looked up facing the two that he disgustedly detest right now. He saw the evil smirk, almost mocking him on his face. Myungsoo's face. And he gulped.  

"Hye there lovebirds. Don't think will bump onto you right now." His sneer is getting clear to Sungyeol's eyes now. He looked at the person standing beside, a pout almost showing he want to cry showed from his face.  

He want to frown, but Hoya's voice distracts him. "Yeah. Why of all the time, it must be now. But I think you'll have to leave first considering your date's obvious sulking face."  

Myungsoo stiffened when he turned towards Sungjong and quickly saying goodbye before dragging his partner out. Sungyeol let out his breath. He can't let his heart shaken again by this. No, not anymore. He clenched his fist and take it close to his chest. Brainwashing himself to net let his emotion in control in front of Hoya. He looked up when a hand palming his cold hand. As if understand what he's feeling right now, Hoya just give him a comforting smiles. 

But a thud on the table startle them. "Ya, Lee Sungyeol. You know right, no matter how much you pretending right now, you're still belong to me? That shaking hand is because of me right? I'll be waiting for you to come back baby..." He brush his jaw once. Making Sungyeol shudder because of the long gone touch that he miss so much.  

"And you Hoya, I don't think making a crony with him will win Sungjong from me you know?" Then he just walked away leisurely catching up with Sungjong that waiting anxiously for him outside the restaurant.  

Both of them are now silenced with Myungsoo's remark. So he know all of it from the start? Sungyeol let out a shaky laugh. What a smart-. He must be planning this all along while observing his and Hoya's behavior. Hoya flash him an apologetic smiles. He shakes his head. It's not his fault at all. He's the one that agreed to his idea. And they must faced the aftereffect, whatever it is.  

That night, Hoya just quiet walking beside him. Strolling lazily towards their dorm. Feet kicking the innocent stone that just unluckily blocking their ways. But then Sungyeol look at his side when a warm hand holding his hand. Does he still want to continue with this? He want to frown but looking at a mischievous smile from him gives a hint to his slow brain. So, Myungsoo must be somewhere near here.  

He just follow him when Hoya drag him to a different route to their dorm. A long and slightly dark route. He giggled when Hoya pull his shoulder down to whisper some jokes. Sungyeol then flinched when he feels his lips nibble his earlobes. He try to shy away but the strong grip on his waist prevent him to. The mouth then moved below his ear dangerously ghosting over the area of his jaw.  

"Ho-Hoya.. What are you doing?" His eyes scanned the area, looking if there is any trace of Myungsoo's presence at all. But he get distracted when Hoya grab his jaw to face him. His face leaning closer and his other hand slowly wandering down from his shoulder and rested on his wrist.  

He gulped when seeing the younger black orbs close to him. Nose touching nose. When Hoya lips at last catch his own, he close his eyes. His heart send a different thump to his own ears and he can feels the heats creeping up his face. His heart flutter more when Hoya moved his lips on him. He let the other tilted his head to let him explore more.  

But Sungyeol start to struggle when he pushed his tongue in. No, he don't like it. He start to whine under him although he's taller. His knees getting weak. But maybe Hoya misheard he moaned and shoved in more. his mouth all over. He's short of breath. Like Hoya is all his soul. 

Myungsoo's face suddenly popped up. That's it. He don't want this anymore. He felt so wrong. Hoya's not Myungsoo. All of this is not from Myungsoo. Sungyeol push him away. But his grasp on his jaw is too strong. He put more strength on his hand and shove him with all his might.  

With such a force he succeeds to slip away from him. But he feel a loss on his left hand. His bracelet. Quickly he tried to cover his wrist that's ugly from the cut's fresh scar. His eyes searching on the ground. Tracking his bracelet back. He want to cry. He need it so badly right now. No, not Hoya. He can't know this. Not anymore of his ugly side to the perfect Hoya.  

A hand grabbed his wrist and push the other hand that clasped to it away. Showing his red scar that's almost heal. ! His hand starts shaking from too much fear. His eyes don't dare to look up. He know Hoya is staring him up and down with unbelievable glare. He's panicking pretty badly this time that his mind almost goes blank.  

"Sungyeol..."  

That one word is enough. That judging voice from Hoya. He can't stand it. He close his eyes and bolted towards his dorm. He know Sungjong will be late tonight. He got some theater practice until late night.   

"Sungyeol!" That voice ringing from his back. Running after him. Hoya grabbed his arm but Sungyeol slips from it and push him to the ground.  

"! Don't run Yeollie!"  

He ignore it and running. Running with all the energy his body have. Leaving the stunned Hoya behind. He want nobody right now. Alone. That's the right word for him. No, maybe die is more suitable. Yes, no longer live.  

He locked the door quickly knowing Hoya will dashed in if he leave it unlocked. He panted hard. But he ignoring it. Along with the tears that he doesn't even realize strolling fast his face since before. He bolt into the bathroom. Lock it. 

He stare into his image from the mirror. A hideous creature. Ugly. He don't deserve it. To live. Myungsoo is killing him inside out. Hoya is to perfect for him. And he has Sungjong in his heart. No, its just his excuse. A reason to end his live anyway. Whatever it is, he want to end it. It's enough. 

He let the hot water running down in the bathtub. Shaking hand holding the silver blade. He hesitates for a moment. Panted hard from overly breaking nerve. He gulped once and press it hard. Not on the skin. Directly on his blue and green veins. Deep. He press it more. He groaned. , this is hurt like hell. He close his eyes from the overbearing pain and quickly immerse his hand on the hot water. It will help the blood flows instantly and continuously.  

His eyelids getting heavier. From his half-lidded eyes, he can only see nothing but bright white color. Almost making him blind. Or he's blind already. Sungyeol don’t care. He can feel his body getting weaker making his limbs slumps beside the bathtub. His head feel light. Sorry Omma, Appa. Goodbye Myungsoo. Hoya. Dongwoo. Sungjo... 

* 

He felt like his body was hit by a truck. He can't move an inch of it. His eyes moved behind his closed eyelids. Sungyeol want to open it. But it takes a lot of his energy to do so. And when at last he opened it in a slowly motion, he can only see blurriness. It's getting whiter. He noticed it's from the fluorescent lamp. Huh? There's a lamp in the hell? He's sure he's not in a heaven. How can a suicide person be in a heaven. Absurd. 

He felt a movement on his side. He hardly turned with all his energy left. There's a sleeping Myungsoo. He then noticed how tight he grabbed his hand. What? He's still on earth? Okay, looks like God still give him some time to repent. He want to chuckled at his silliness but his throat's too dry to do so. How long he's been sleeping now?  

"Hye there" He heard a voice coughed then.  

"Woken up?" Hoya's standing beside him. Sungyeol nodded slightly.  

"Wa..err.." He coughed. But as always Hoya understand him and reach him a glass of water. Slowly bringing it to his lips. A soft smile from him encourage Sungyeol to take a sip. Until the glass is empty. He feel better now.  

"Umm... Yeollie..." He just watching him fidgeting. Sungyeol stunned when Hoya chocked to a tears now.  

"I'm sorry.. (cough).. I'm sorry dude.. Punch me if you want to.. (cough).. But please don't do this again" Hoya hide his tears with a back of his hand.  

No, Sungyeol don't want this. This is not supposed to happen. Its making him sad when his beloved friend cry like this. Hell, he's the one that's supposed to apologize. Not him.  

"Ho..ya.. Don't cry. I'm the one that have to say that. I'm sorry. Please don't cry." His voice is hoarse and a little husky. Sungyeol reach his friend's arm.  

"No. I am sorry. I should've known. You are so sensitive and I'm not considering it. It's my fault." He sobbed hard.  

"No. I am the one that's supposed to say that. This is all start with me." They turned to Myungsoo. He missed his hoarse and deep voice ringing in his ear.  

Sungyeol silenced.  

"Sungyeol, I'm sorry." He feel a tight grip on his hand getting tighter. He stare on the warm hand. Heck, it's not just his voice. Sungyeol miss all of him. Even the snort that's running from his nose. He feel like a total loser right now. How can he? What is he? How can a Myungsoo can make him feel like this? 

Sungyeol sighed deeply. He lay his head on the soft pillow. Why did he fell for him? Out of all person out there, why must Myungsoo? A person that never failed to break his heart? And he still keep forgiving him. Every single time. Even now he's 80% on forgiving him. He sighed again. 

"Yeollie. Please... I'll never do it again. I promise. I can't live without you. The though of you leaving me forever scared the hell out of me. I don’t want to lose you." Sungyeol feel his sincerity. Oh my, it's 90% now.  

"You've said it before. But yet you do it again." 

"You know I just playing with them, and I'll never leave you. Ever. You know that I just want to have some fun. They're just a plaything. You're my real love. You. Not them." 

"But you hurt me. You hurt me Myungsoo. What the heck do you think of me?" 

"That's why I'll never do it again. I promise. That is the last. Please..." Myungsoo flopped his head on their tangled hand.  

"If you do it ever again..." He stare on that head. Those silky black hair. And their eyes finally met when he look up curiously. Waiting for his next word. "...Leave me..." 

"Huh?" 

"If you ever find somebody else, be it a girl or a guy, leave me." He looked straight on his eyes. Telling him that he's serious. "I don't want you anymore then" 

Myungsoo's froze. But Sungyeol can see him nodding slowly. "I'll never leave you" 

Sungyeol nodded. He want to smile when at last they are now back together. But his still hurt heart put a wall between them. It's 95% now. But Myungsoo then leaned over reaching his neck and hugged him lovingly. Sungyeol sighed contently. Okay, 99%. Damn you Myungsoo. He respond back and hugged him tightly. He can't stop the tears flowing down.  

Sungyeol hope that Mungsoo will keep his promise. Because he don't know if he'll able to leave him like he said before. If Myungsoo ever do it again.