When I wake up the room is dark, cold and deserted. Under the door I can see the light on outside, soft voices and footsteps, along with the beeping of the monitors is all that is heard. Aside from my back and lungs being sore, which is a constant now, I'm surprised when I move a little, the pain in my side is no longer dull, but sharp and swift. I wince from the pain and stop moving immediately, whimpering as I stay still in a very awkward position.

After a minute I decide that I need to move because I *can't stay in this position. I take a deep breathe, close my eyes and let the arm that propped me up go, causing me to fall into my back again, my body shrill with pain. Tears fall down my cheeks, but I don't dare move again to wipe them. I let my head fall limply to the left, where my bed side table is. There's a small glass of water, and under it a folded piece of paper, but it's too dark to make out anything else. It hurts. The pain is unbearable but I start to think that actually, I deserve this pain. I should have come in the first place to see a doctor. Non of this would have happened if I listened to Yoongi.

Using the last of my energy I reach up and press the little red light on the wall. MY fingers barely brush it, but in only a few seconds my door opens, a nurse quickly at my bedside. I shield my eyes from the door, my vision going blurry and useless.

"Are you in pain sir?" She asks quickly and I nod, closing my eyes to take deep, painful breaths.

"Doctor!!" She yells, voices bouncing out of the open door and echoing off the walls. A man, older then me, rushes into the room, but I have no more strength to pay attention.

I feel a pinch in my arm, my blood running cold, but unbelievably painless so I'm grateful. Light footsteps are what I hear. They lead out of the room and down the hall. A cold hand comes to rest on my forehead, sweeping my bangs out of my face with ease. 

"It won't hurt anymore..." he whispers, and for a minute I feel like it's Hoseok in the room. I want to reach up and hold his hand, but my body won't listen to my brain anymore, won't listen to the longing in my heart. I let my mind wander, as my body shuts down, my limbs not mobile anymore.

I love him so much. I just.... can't say when everything started. I have so many memories of us, when his parents took me to thier lake house across the country, with my parents permission of course, for vacation. 

There were woods surrounding the lake, keeping it hidden from the roads view. We brought all of our stuff up to the spare room, but it was locked and they forgot the key at home, so I shared a room with Hoseok. 

"Taehyungie come on!" He yelled, grabbing my hand and dragging me up a nearby snowy hill, my mittens falling in the snow. I laugh, pulling him to my chest and he hugs me back, our warmth stronger and more passionate then the heater at the lake house, radiating around us. 

"Thanks for slowing down" I say, my face nuzzled in the crook of his neck. He laughs, squeezing me tighter against him.

"I didn't have a choice" He replies, pretending to be upset, giving me a huge sigh, but I can hear his smile through the words that he speak.

"You know..." he starts, voice barely audible, his voice soft. We were only seven at the time, but I could tell something was different with us.

"Yeah?" I ask, pulling away slightly, and he takes me cold, exposed hands in his. The tip of his nose is bubblegum pink, his cheeks tinted the same too. 

"Ah.. um. Come on! We gotta get to the top!" He yells suddenly, a smile on his face as he starts dragging me up the hill again. His smile, like always, is pure, his laugh rings through the woods, sounding like the happy child he is. Or was at the time.

The sight was beautiful. The climb was rough though, the tallest hill we could find was a steep climb, and we ended up having to hold onto each other, stumbling and slipping in the snow, our boots not helping us much. 

From the top we could see the lake, frozen over but pure, everything around us white like a winter wonderland. I let out a sigh, air frosty from the heat of it, fading away in front of my face.

"Hey... do you ever wish..." he says quietly, looking down the hill.I raise my eyes at him but he shrugs. The snow field under us is amazing, snow smooth, untouched. 

"Wish what Hoseok?" I say, sitting down under the huge tree nearby on the hill, him following me, the snow softening the floor as we plop down, tired from the long climb.

"Nothing just...." his hand shakes as he motions around us, even though I'm the one exposed hands.

"Hey. Hey, I'm here," I say, taking his hand in mine, lacing our fingers together. "Do I ever wish what?"

He looks at our hands for a minute before bringing them up to his pale cheeks, pressing them against his face and closing his eyes, sighing.

I half know what's wrong. He doesn't want to go home. The kids in the neighborhood mean to the boy in front of me who's impossible to not get along with, his homework piled up high on his desk at home and his laundry basket full. He doesn't like responsibility, or having to be on time, but he knows that one day he'll have to learn how to do those things.

He's changed so much since then. Not only in looks, which was expected, and in personality. He's a new person, with the same bright smile he has always had, and hopefully always will have. He nags me all the time about being late to class now a days, makes me tie my shoes because the way I have them, tucked in so there's no need for them to be tied, annoy him.

He always cleans up around himself wherever he is, which apparently is never on my side of the room because my clothes are never clean. He's someone I admire.

He is everything I am not. He's handsome. He's smart. He is popular. He isn't afraid of what other people think about him, but most importantly: He can make decisions I can't. I don't like making decisions, too much stress and a outcome that's probably not worth all the energy, but he can make up his mind in a matter of seconds. He reads people well too. He will always know if they're sad, mad, happy or depressed. Our relationship is like fire and water. He knows how to burn out my flame of anger on certain days, cooling me off and making me be in a better state of mind then before. I'm grateful to have him, someone who's fearless, kind, and loving.

He knows what he wants in life, or so he says, and he's not afraid. Not afraid of words or objects or emotions. Not afraid of obstacles, delusions or dreams. He's not afraid of living, breathing, loving. 

He faces his problems head on, whereas I, who is better off leaving the problem alone, hoping it'll go away itself, but it never really does. I'm scared of words, of rejection, of him knowing the truth. I'm tired of waiting, but that's what I have to do. Wait. 

"Hey.... heyy" a soft voice calls, but I look over at Hoseok to see him looking down at the empty field before us. His face sheer terror. It's red. The field, ice gone, replaced with red snow, no white to be seen.

I reach out to him, but something stops me. And then he's falling. Rolling down the hill, lifeless, a wickedly inhuman smile on his face, his clothes gaining red as he falls father into the abyss down under.

A loud roar echoes in my brain, my body shaking uncontrollably, but there's no pain, just fear that over comes my body. I'm frozen in place. He reaches the bottom of the hill, slamming into the floor with a loud cracking sound. His neck was broken. Everything goes white, silent, emptiness filling the room.

Then I'm awake. I feel my body shoot up from the bed, sitting up straight, the shaking never going away. The rooms light now. I try to get my breathing under control but it's not easy. To my pleasure however, I feel nothing. No pain. 

"I got you" He says, pulling me gently to his chest, his arms wrapping around my torso. I wish he knew. 

I open my mouth, breathing in the scent that is him and tremble, the room feeling 10 degrees below zero in a matter of seconds. I bury into his body as much as I can, him smoothing my hair out with his hands in a soothing motion.

"I'm sorry...." I say with a gasp, my fists clenching the back of his shirt, the cloth balled up in my tight grip. 

"Don't be..." he says softly, pulling away to kiss me on the forehead lightly, his eyes calm but I can tell he's panicking inside. 

"....what time is it....?" I say, coughing slightly and wincing as my side stings. My lungs however, feel better, more inflated. Free. 

"It's around one in the afternoon, you've been asleep most of today" He says, squeezing my hands.

"You've been here this whole time?" I ask warily, my voice thin and lifeless. I can see the worry in his eyes, but he doesn't voice it, just nods.

"I.... was hoping you'd get better... with me by your side..." that last part comes out a weak whisper, his frown evident on his face but I don't comment on it.

 "What's happening to me?" I ask, and as soon as I do his face scrunches up in pain. He closes his eyes tightly. 

"I..... the doctor should tell you.."

"Why can't you?" I ask, and for the first time I notice something. The gravel, cement mixture feeling that was once in my lungs gone now.

"I-I won't.. I can't-" He's crying now, his face in his hands. This is all my fault.

"Shh, it's okay. Please." I say, taking his hands from his face. "You don't have to" 

He nods, wiping the tears from his cheeks as he let's out a bitter chuckle, offering me his best smile. But I know better. His smile is broken. I tap next to me on the bed and he swiftly obliges, climbing under the covers, pulling me to him with a content sigh. We end up falling asleep I guess, because the next thing I know my doctor is waking us up, a small smile on his lips.

"Sorry boys, visiting hours is over." He says, a bag of saline in his hands. Hoseok gets up, kissing me on the cheek and promising to come back tomorrow, shoving something medium sized into my hands gently before leaving the room. The doctor smiles, switching out my IV bag and says. 

"Your really lucky you know. Your boyfriend sure does love you son." He gives me a warm smile before slipping out of the room, feet softly padding the floor as he goes.

Boyfriend? But then I remember. The hospital rules. No one is allowed in unless family members or are in a relationship with said patient. I look down to see a stuffed lion in my hands and smile.

The thing is though....what are we?

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Omg!!!! I finally updated! I hope you all like it. And as usual please Comment, subscribe, do whatever! Thanks so much for reading and sorry it took so long but I hope the wait was worth it? Thank you!