It's dark. Silent. Painful. My head explodes with sharpness, but in a way dull, throbbing against my skull like a baseball is being smashed into my face, and yet I deserve it. Every second of it. I've been walking for hours, the rain pounding down on my over exposed arms like tiny blades. The thunder over head crackles like bullets and the lighting flashes before my eyes, but I can't turn back. I can't turn back because I know he'll die. I can't turn but because I'm only human, and the pains unbearable. I just can't turn back.

The wind blows, causing me to freeze, my blood slowly turning solid and my hands going a darker shade then my usual skin tone. The streetlights flicker around me, like Morse code, someone out there in this world trying to tell me something. Maybe it's him. I can't listen. I hear his voice, soft, fragile, desperate. I block my ears with my hands that are numb now, numb to the point of almost deadly, and keep pushing past the strong wind, trudging down the street. No cars are driving at the moment, no people near by and no lights but the streets for miles to come.

"Why didn't you tell me?" A shril yell says, shuddering against the rapid wind. I'm wearing black jeans and a tank top, drenched by the blood rain and no shoes, my feet stinging like I stepped on millions of nails, with each step pain shoots up my legs, threatening to give out at any moment. I feel like I'm drowning, the cold air around me grabbing at my throat, cutting off my oxygen little by little.

Why does it hurt so much to lose someone? Breaking up hurts, your efforts with that person crumbled and your memories like a wilted red rose, slowly falling off of its stem. Memories are just like that, each and everyone replaced with anew, and the old ones go farther and father back in your mind, slowly fading away until they're just something that's happened in the past, with no real proof or acknowledgment of it. When someone you cherish moves away, the distance seems longer then it really is, your lives get more interesting but you don't really ever forget. You still can picture their face, can remember the warmth of their arms and the kindness of their words. The thing is, those can be reversed. You can get back together with an ex, creat new memories, new mistakes. If someone moves away you can always text and visit, but what happens when they die?

No new memories. We try so hard to remember their face, their beliefs, what they took pride in. There are no new memories or mistakes you guys make together. All there are is pictures, old stories that surface about that person and tears being shed for their lost someone. That's one of the bad things about death. There are no news. There are many what ifs however, many I wishes. There are many things you regret doing, or more importantly not doing. There are words that can never be said, feelings that can never be told and hugs that cannot be shared anymore. 

Here's the one emotion that's usually felt. Sorrow. Sorrow for the loss. Sorrow because you can never touch that person again, hear them say the simplest things. Suddenly everything that did, everything they liked, hurts you to remember. 

A flash of light. A car horn. My body in the street. It all happens in a matter of seconds. The rain pools around my body, mixing with my red insides, and I can't hear anything. There's nothing. No one. And finally there's white.

I'm in a room. A room that's blindingly white, abandoned but doesn't take the appearance of it. When people hear abandoned they probably think dirty, messy, but no. The room is completely spotless. Not a single mark on the walls, floor or ceiling is evident to my surprise.

Tap. I turn around to see him standing before me. A thin, pale boy, wearing a huge white over shirt, making him seem even smaller then he really is. His brown hair seems to have no color, a dry brown, chalky brown. His lips tug up into a smile, one that makes him seem when more fragile and breakable.

"I'm sorry hyung," he says, taking my hand in his gently, his thin fingers intertwining with my own. "I let them win...." a voice says in my ear, and I realize his body is against mine, but not....

He feels empty almost. Like a soul without a body, cuddled up into my chest. I want to sigh but hold it in, fearing that my breath will blow him away. 

He looks lifeless, in all white, but he also looks beautiful. The way his hair frames his face effortlessly, his white shirt not clinging to his small frame. It's too big, he's practically swimming in it but it suits him. 

Beautiful is the only word I can think of as I scan his face, expression blank but facial features sharp, his eyes pure and strong. Healthy, unlike his frail body appears to be. I just can't help but think, not all angels have wings. He is clear proof of that. He looks me in the eyes for a moment before leaning in one more time, his voice more powerful then before. 

"Forgive me."

I sneeze, body jolting up but restricted by a heavy solid object, my eyes flying open in shock but quickly shutting once again because the morning light is too bright. 

It was just a dream, I think to myself with a quiet strangled laugh, more out of surprise then anything else. Slowly I open my eyes, which gradually get used to the light shining in from my window, and even though it takes some time, I open them fully down. I glance down and raise my eyebrows at what I see. Jungkook has his face nuzzled in my neck, arms wrapped lightly around my waist. The whole right side of my body has gone numb, but I can't help but find him adorable. He shifts around for a minute before going limp against me again, his hot breath tickling my neck. 

I look at him for a moment, smiling to myself at the younger but wince in pain as he moves, causing my arm to tingle uncomfortably.

"Jungkook" I whisper, poking his cheeks with my index finger. No response. 

"Kookie~" I coo, rubbing circles into his back slowly. His breathing gets slower, more relaxed, and his grip on my waist becomes more stable. 

"Hi...." he says softly, voice barely a breath. He opens his eyes slowly, yawning like a small child and nudging his nose into my side. I give him a warm smile, in which seeing his eyes twinkle brightly. The blankets are tucked snugly around us, a small cocoon. 

"What are you doing here?" I whisper to him, my hand rubbing his back slowly. I'm sure he's really stressed, I can tell from how tense his body is.

"Oh... I couldn't sleep.." he says quietly, squeezing my tighter, as if to make sure I'm really here with him. 

"Hey it's okay..." 

He looks up at me with uncertainty but I nod to him. "You can always come to me".

He smiles softly at me, sitting up with a big yawn. My body feels warm where he was laying, the blood rushing back into my arm and shoulder. 

"Hey come on, let's get ready" I say, climbing out of bed to grab a pair of jeans and a plain shirt from my dresser. 

"Where we going hyung?" He asks, rubbing the sleepiness out of his eyes.

"To see Tae." As soon as the words leave my mouth he shoots up and comes to my side, grabbing a pair of jeans and a shirt from my dresser and heads to the bathroom, me laughing at his eagerness. 

Quickly I change clothes, slipping the Orange sweatshirt on and sigh, plopping down at the edge of Taehyungs bed with a piece of paper and a black marker. I scribble down neat words and fold in up, sticking it in my pocket, tossing the marker aside on his bed.

"Ready?" He says, and I turn to see Jungkook, my clothes fitting him nicely. 

"Yeah" I say, grabbing my phone on the way out of the dorm. 

We stay quiet on the way there, Jungkooks hands finding their way into mine like a small child needing his mother's comfort, but I don't mind. It's going to be hard on him. 

"May I ask who you are?" The nurse behind the counter says to Jungkook. He looks at me panicked, and I smile at him before responding. 

"I'm his boyfriend. This is his brother" I say, nodding to Jungkook next to me. The nurse looks at us for a moment before shrugging and says "go on up, he's in his room"

I smile brightly at her, saying a soft 'gamsahabnida' before taking Jungkook to the elevator.

"Boyfriend?" He says as we step in, me clicking the button to Taehyungs floor. 

"Brother?" I say back and he smiles.

"Fair enough" he says as the door dings, sliding open. We step out and walk down the hall, stopping outside his room. 

"Wait.." 

"What?"

"Will you be okay?" I ask, worried about how he might react. He's never been the best with this kind of thing before, but then again neither have I. He doesn't say anything, just squeezes my hand reassuringly, and reaches out to open the door with his left hand.  

A fragile body is laying in the hospital bed, hooked up to monitors, needles stuck in his arms. Jungkook squeezes my hand tightly, his knuckles turning white. 

"It's okay" I whisper, putting my arm around his neck. He nods and takes a sear in the chair next to Taes bed, his eyes getting watery. 

My heart clenches. I'll have to take him to a movie or something this weekend to take his mind off of this, I think to myself with a determined nod.

Jungkook holds Taehyungs hands while he cries, and finally I decide he can't take anymore of this. 

"Come on Kookie" I say, pulling him to his feet. He lets go of Taehyungs hand, stepping out into the hallway with his face in his hands. Quickly I take the note from Taes bedside table, grateful that he hasn't woken up yet to read it, and put it in my back pocket, replacing it with the note I wrote earlier. 

"Can I sleep in your room again hyung?" He asks, his voice just air, his eyes desperately looking into mine. All I can do is nod.

Later that night, while Jungkook is curled up in my bed trying to fall asleep I grab a lighter from the cabinet in the bathroom and plop down on the floor, locking the bathroom door behind me and pulling out the letter. 

I spent so long on it, but he will never know now.But it more then likely would have broken him. I watch the paper curl up as the hot orange flame turns it to ash, dark and charred like my heart feels at the moment. I just hope he'll listen to my note. 

                    Don't let your demons win. 

_______________________________________

Hi!!!! Thanks so much for reading! I hope you like this chapter! I had no plan on updating tonight but it just happened, so I hope you all enjoy it. Please don't forget to comment and subscribe. Check out my other stories too! Thank you all!!