Sure I had a girlfriend when I was younger, but that was for a while and I was just experimenting. It's hard.... all of this.

"So what now? " Jungkook asks, trash pushed to the side. He looks at me with his head resting on my headboard. 

"What do you mean Kook? " I say, eyes scanning the ground and not him.

"You can't just let one of your old friends come into Your life and just change things! You already liked that one girl in school remember? And you have Tae, are you really going to let Jaehwan back when he rejected you?" He half yells, but his voice is still somewhat soft and caring. However his voice sounds though, I'm taken aback.

"I know I know. But it seems like he's changed..." and maybe he did? 

Jaehwan was my crush in middle school up till high school, up until I confessed to him. We met one day in passing period when I accidentally knocked into him, making him drop all of his things. I expected him to be mad but he let out a small chuckle, looking up at me with a warm smile and saying a quiet apology. When our eyes met I could only think one thing. . Just . My head felt light, and I quickly, idioticly, got on my knees to help him pick up his stuff but he had already finished collecting his things and was standing before me and I was dizzy and embarrassed at my actions.

I can't have these feelings anymore, right? After all these years? No. 

"Your right. I can't." I say, finally meeting his eyes with a nod. He's absolutely right. Jaehwan broke my heart. He doesn't deserve another chance to do that.

"I know." He says with a smile, hair a mess of curls. 

I smile at him, my phone buzzing in my pocket. I hope that it's from Tae, but it's from the devil. I frown staring at the bright screen in front of me, my eyes scanning over the words quickly before sighing.

"Is it him?" He asks.

"Yup" 

"What does he want?" He asks with a small groan making my giggle at the sound. Sometimes my Kookie can be so childish. But other times he's the most serious between the two of us, and I admire him for that.

"He. Wants..." I read the words again before tossing my phone gently on the bed, screen going black. "To hang out. Today, in thirty minutes." I say finally, Jungkook smirking.

"What?" 

"Are you going to?" 

I think about it for a moment. I need to be at the hospital. I need to be with Tae. My Tae. My baby... what am I thinking?! He'd never..

"Hello?" A hand pats my cheeks lightly, making me come back to reality.  

"Huh? Oh. Well yeah. I have no choice" I say, getting up off the bed, grabbing my phone as I go. I stop at the door however, a thought popping into my head. 

"Where's Jimin and Yoongi?" 

"Ah. Um. Hyung. "He says quickly, glancing at me then the floor. I raise an eyebrow at him, walking closer to the bed.

"Jungkook? " I say, finally close enough to see the pink tint that's formed on his pale little cheeks.

"Oh.." 

"Yeah they're staying a hotel for the week, Jimin thought it would be good for Yoongi hyung" He finishes with quick nods, looking around for something to occupy himself with. 

Well , Jimins making a move. I hear a grunt of annoyance and look up to see Jungkook looking at me. I laugh before opening the door.

"Kook-Ah, laptops under the bed." I say before quietly shutting the door behind me, but not before hearing the creak of the bed, him leaning off the side to reach under it. 

What could he possibly want to do? I think to myself as I walk down the hallways, humming to myself. 

" I brush off my worn out diary and suddenly,

In the opened pages

You clearly are there,

You still remain there just the same

I remember the pictures that I forgot all this time,

Small tremblings gush out of my body

It’s a bit sad that I can’t

go back to those times

I’ll go looking for you to Neverland

by following Tinkerbell,

Who was sent by the memories

At that place, you and I are smiling at each other

I’m am your eternal Peter Pan,

your man who has stopped in time

I may be clumsy but I loved you so much

And I will run to you" I sing to myself, the halls empty so it wouldn't matter. 

I enjoy singing, but I want to be a rapper. Honestly I always have. I know that Taehyungs wants to be a singer, and that scares me so much. Why? Because he can. I know He can. He would be one of the best singers in the world and I'm scared that once he does I'll lose him forever.

It's selfish of me, but its the truth. Is it so bad? Is it bad that... I..

"I clearly remember beating away

All the villains who bothered you

From that moment,

I had your heart and even shared a kiss

My heart rode the clouds and flew

You were prettier than Wendy or Cinderella

The one person who made my heart pound

As soon as I felt you, my eyes shone

I’ll go looking for you to Neverland

by following Tinkerbell,

Who was sent by the memories

At that place, you and I are smiling at each other

I’m am your eternal Peter Pan,

Your man who has stopped in time

I may be clumsy but I loved you so much

And I will run to you" I sing louder, no longer in the building so my voice can't echo off the white walls stained with memories from strangers I'll never know. But once I leave here, *we leave here, our memories will stain the walls too. 

I'm supposed to meet him in a nearby cafe, not the one we met at before but one a little ways down the street from that one.  

" Pink faces, the feeling of walking on clouds,

baby boo, the picturesque

You makes my heart pound

Just like how you softly

smiled with your eyes back then

If only you can fly into the

opened window of my heart" I rap, letting a smile come to my face as I enter the shop, but something pulls me backwards.

"I knew you still had it!!" A voice says, chirpy voice, arm wrapping around my waist, pulling me into a hug which makes my heart clench in displeasure, but I smile at him anyway.

"Had what?" I ask as he leads me into the cafe to our seat, a small stage with a mic and a seat on stage. The lights above the stage are off, the stage abandoned but soon wouldn't be. 

Behind the stage is a list of names, my guess is performers for the day. I slide into the booth, him doing the same but on the opposite side, a warm drink in front of both of us already. 

"Rapping. Your amazing" He says finally, taking a sip of the steamy caramel drink in front of him. My cheeks feel hot, but I'm not sure if it's because of his comment or because the fact that it's a million degrees in here, loud because of so many people and the music booming over head, making me not able to even hear my own thoughts.

"Oh yeah here" He says, a small smile playing on his lips making me curious as he hands me the menu. I take it from him slowly, our fingers brushing.

"Thanks..." 

"Mmhmm" He says, smile full now.

We start to talk about school, what old friends are up to and how we've been since the last time we saw each other. 

"Yeah it's hard though because if I mess up the paints then I can't fix them and our professor doesn't like when I do that cause he won't give me anymore paints." He says like it's the total end of the world, causing me to laugh. 

"Your too worked up over paint!" I say with a loud laugh, people around us talking to loud for them to hear it. The waitress comes to take our order and I smile brightly at her, causing her to blush a sharp shade of pink before heading off to take our order. The room is dim, and I can feel someone's eyes on me. Jaehwans.

"Hey, do you have someone?" He asks, and I tilt my head.

"Have someone?" 

"Yeah, are you dating anyone?" He asks, taking a sip of the pumpkin latte he just *had to order since he found out they serve those here.

A face pops into my head. I nod, smiling brightly, but my heart drops a little, sadness taking over. 

"Oh really? Do I know her?" He asks, a small smile on his lips.

"*Him. Yeah actually you do." I say, not even holding back my happiness as I answer the question. 

"He? It's not.... me right?" He says cautiously, eyeing me.

"No no, Jae, it's someone else." 

"It's Tae isn't it!!" He says, pointing at me, reaching across the table to poke my nose. I laugh and seat his hand away with a smile. 

"Aww that's so cute" He says, smile genuine. 

"What about you?" I ask, taking a sausage from his plate, biting it as he watches, a small smile twitching at his lips for a second before a full one. I remember how much he hates when people touch his food. I wink at him and he laughs, leaning back in his seat.

"Yeah actually, I have a girlfriend." He says.

"Do I know her?" I ask, chewing the sausage link slowly, on it in between my teeth. 

"I dunno... her names Mikazuki, ring a bell?" He asks.

I think about it for a minute before shaking my head.

"Nah" I say, buy it gets cut off by a loud voice.

"Hi! We will now be starting tonight's performances. First up..." a girl on stage says, reading off names as people go on stage, most talented but some a little off. There's a man sitting near the stage, the room dark but the stage lights bright on the boy on stage who's singing. He says a nice voice. The man, who has a notebook in front of him glances at the name sheet and scribbles something down on the paper.

"Who's that?" I ask Jae, reaching across the table to nudge him lightly in the arm. 

He opens his mouth to answer, but before he can say anything a voice cuts him off.

"Jung Hoseok. Your up!" She says, motioning for me to go on stage.

"Wae?!" I say, looking over at Jaehwan but he's not there anymore, he's in front of me. Pulling me up by the arm to push me on stage. 

"What???" 

"What song are you gonna do?" She asks me, smile on her face as she speaks into the microphone.

"I.." 

"He's gonna rap actually. The song is Attack on Bangtan. Have fun! " he says to me as she hands me the mic. Two other guys come up on stage, one that I recognize and one that I don't. The one I do, is in my history class I think? I'm not sure. He's always sitting by himself, never really talking to anyone I'm not really sure of his name. The other boy, who's a little shorter then me I don't know. 

"Wait do-" and the song starts blasting from the speakers behind me, the hot white lights soaking into my skin. I feel light. I see stars, lights, faces. Its nice. Before I could register what's going on the crowd is screaming, chanting along with us. All of them are people I know in this moment.

At the end everyone was cheering, Jaehwan with a huge smile helps me off stage. The guys who were on stage came over to hug me, and they gave me their number so we could hang out sometime.

I start to head back to our seat but Jaehwan wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me to the table where the man from earlier was sitting.

"Hello" I say as Jae pushes me down in the seat across from the man, swiftly taking a seat next to me.

"You were amazing son! So much energy! Tell me, do you wish to go places with your talents?" He says, a bright smile on his face. I glance down at the notebook to see a bunch of names, but only one is circled. Mine.

"Yes sir" I say, a huge smile coming to my face.

"I work for a company in America, they sent me out here to find talented boys. You seem to speak pretty good English" He says and I nod.

"So how about we make a deal?" He says, pulling out a stack of papers and setting it in front of me.

"A deal?"

******** 

"Nurse! The tv remote isn't working!!" I yell, hitting the top of it against my palm quickly, hoping it'll help it but to no avail.

The room is filled with light, my window open and the curtains drawn, a cool breeze being let in.

My side is sore from where they had the tube, but it's more comfortable for me now that they took it out. No one responds to my call.

I roll my eyes, an idea comes to my mind and a small smile plays onto my lips. I hit the emergency button next to my bed, before quickly sliding down under the covers, my hair poking out from the blanket that my doctors wife knitted me. She comes to visit the patients here a lot, and she adored me when we first met. 

"What's wrong?!" A nurse yells as she frantically runs into the room, slamming the door shut on accident behind her. She comes to my side quickly, me clenching my eyes shut as if I'm in pain.

"Sir please, what's hurting you?" She says, wrapping her arms around my small frame, pulling me to sit up.

I open my eyes for a second before gasping and clenching them again. 

"Doctor!" She yells, hitting a button under my emergency one. 

"No!" I say, voice coming out deep and hoarse.

"What's wrong?" My doctor yells, scrambling into the room.

"Come closer" I say, pulling on her arm, the doctor coming to the other side of my bed.

"What is it?" She asks, leaning down for my mouth to be close to her ear. I take a deep breath, closing my eyes. This will probably get me hit upside the head.

"The.... The tv remotes broken again" I whisper slowly, laughing as she pulls away quickly, stomping down the hall but not before muttering 'you little ' under her breath.

"You know Tae, I'm glad your feeling better. We were convinced you weren't gonna make it" He says with a small smile before picking up my remote, slamming it against his palm a few times. 

The treatment they've been given me has had a major effect. I'm feeling a lot better, still a little sore, but better. The soreness is something I'm used to now, numbing and consistent, but I don't let it effect me. 

"Hey, you wanna go outside?" He says with a smile. I nod and slowly get up from my bed, going to the bathroom a few feet away to change into the outdoor clothing they provide for us and slipping on my fuzzy blue slippers.

I walk slow because it hurts but it's not that bad. I grab my phone off the bedside table, the doctor pulling my oxygen tank along behind me as we walk down the hallway to the elevators. Nurses smile at me as we go by, some patients are actually leaving the hospital today, and some are going down to the garden area behind the hospital, like me.  

My parents visited, and brought some things from the door for me, like some of my manga, and my phone with Hoseoks headphones. Apparently he didn't need them, so he told my parents to give them to me. 

The elevator dings as we reach floor 1, and he walks me to the exit before handing me off to a male nurse, who accompanies me outside. The air is fresh, the sun warm and welcoming to my exposed skin. 

I settle at a nearby bench shaded by a large tree, flowers surrounding the walkways, the large fountain bubbling nearby, birds hopping around in the cool water. 

"Press this button when your ready to go back in or if you need any help." He says, putting a necklace around my head and letting it fall gently against my chest.

"Thank you" I say before he heads over to some other patients that are sitting in the flowers near me with family, a small dog the girls feet. Her slippers lay in the grass beside her, toes digging lightly into the earth underneath us.

I look around with a sigh before grabbing my phone, dialing a number and lifting it to my hear.

It rings a few times and I start to get scared he won't answer.

"Hey what's going on is everything okay?" He says quickly as he answers the phone, nervousness seeping out in his words.

"Yeah I'm fine baby I just was wondering of you could come to the hospital" I say, biting my lip hard on the word baby, hoping he didn't hear it. 

He doesn't say anything for a moment and my heart sinks.

"Yeah of course! I'll be there in five" He says before hanging up. 

Sure as hell three minutes later I see him heading towards me, a bright smile on his face. I get up quickly, which probably wasn't a good idea, because it leaves to fighting for balance, swaying on my feet, my eyes closed.

"Sit down" a voice says in my ear, a warm body pressed tightly agains mine. I feel safe. Full.

He sits down first, pulling me down on his lap. I frown though.

"I don't want to hurt you" I say getting up quickly but he gently pulls me back down.

"You could never hurt me. You need to gain weight baby" he says in my ear, my head against his chest. My heart speeds up, head light but in a good way. Maybe... is this what it's like to fly? 

"Baby.." I say, pulling away to look at him. I remember just some time ago he was crying at my side, me bound to a bed. The world not caring, the world continuing on around me, everyone living they're lives for me to watch. I'm glad I have my life back now.  

I can't help it, my heart aches for his touch. I lean in, our lips brushing gently against each other. I tilt my head experimentally, our lips moving together perfectly. Every emotion can be felt, all the fear, the bravery, the love. The oxygen tube gets annoying, so I take it off. He protests, but I press my lips to his once again, forgetting myself in his kiss. I don't need the oxygen tank, I don't need the fresh air around me. I'm breathing his air, and its something I've needed for a long time. 

I sit on his lap, my arms wrapped around his neck, his hands rested on my hips. 

How could I not have done this before. He's addicting, his hands gently roaming around, rubbing circles into my thighs, hips and back. This is what it is, that feeling. This is what love is. 

My throat gets cold though, causing me to pull away and cough into my hands, my breath gone now. He frantically puts the tube back to my nose and I lean against him, his chin resting on my head as I catch my breath, his arms wrapping around my tighter but in a protective way. 

"Why now?" I ask, glancing up at him but still panting, resting against him.

"Because I realize what I could have lost and I can't bare that." He says, his chest vibrating with every word. 

Your not going to lose me Hoseok-ah.

____________________________________

Thank you all so much for reading! This is a early Christmas present for you all so I hope you enjoy it! It means so much that you all like my writing, and I love when you guys comment!

P.s yes I know Hoseok isn't the best in English BUT I put he is so yeah cx 

#getwellsoontaehyung!!!!!! I love you so much oppa! You need to rest! I hope you feel better soon, I hope Namjoon does too!! They deserve all the love and support they get!

Bangtan Fighting!! <3 

P.s The songs name is Peter Pan if you didn't know by EXO