* Yeah, we have reached ten chapters! I don't know how long I will continue this but comments inspires me :)*

Sarah Pov

I don't know if I did the right thing by sending those emails. As much as Jiyong hurt me and made me feel so much anger, I can't help but feel this dull ache in my heart. This ache that just won't go away. I thought sleeping with Seunghyun might make it go away. I thought by trying to finally move on, the ache would finally go but after the anger was all over, all I felt was the pain. I knew about him and Kiko yet I tried denying it. I even had a paparazzi who told me that he caught intimate photos of me and Jiyong but he would expose Kiko and Jiyong if I wanted him to as he felt anger on my behalf because I've been nothing but nice to the paparazzis and actually allowed them to do their jobs as long as they weren't harming anyone.

Can you imagine the paparazzi actually having a soft spot for a company media representative? I guess that is why Daesung always says that i'm too nice to people and would put others before myself all of the time. For once, I want to be selfish and not care what people might say because I've had enough of this pain and ache. I starting browsing the internet and found that Selena Gomez had released a new song. The title sounded interesting because it seemed like she was talking about Justin Bieber. Well she would really know how it would feel like to have your heart want what it wants without caring about what the world thinks.

As I listened to the song, I started crying because of the lyrics that sounds like my situation and I wrote two letters. One to Sajangnim asking for a leave of absence and to actually not find me for 2 months. Another one to Seunghyun. I cried because Seunghyun did not deserve what I was about to do but my heart can't deny what it wants and what it wants right now is to leave dull ache of loving Jiyong behind. Until I can move on, Seunghyun does not deserve to have only half of me because he deserves someone more than me. Someone who can love him wholeheartedly without feeling that ache in their heart.

Dear Seunghyun,

I know that you will be in shock when you read this. I leave my house in your care, please don't let Seungri trash it. Please do not find me, I know you act as a spy and have more than enough connections to look for me but please don't. I need to leave to find myself and forget this dull ache in my heart. People say that the heart wants what it wants and what it wants right now is to leave this dull ache of loving Jiyong behind. I felt euphoric with you but after the euphoria, reality set back in and I realised that you deserve a whole heart and not half or a quarter of a heart. I'm not leaving permanently. I will be back but please give me this time alone and do not find me at all. Do know that you own a piece of my heart and that's why I got to go. I want to be able to give you a full piece of my heart and not just a part of it. If you do move on in my time of absence. I will not blame you at all. Please do not tell the rest that I'm leaving.

Love, Sarah.

P/S the lyrics below explain best how I feel with this dull ache of loving Jiyong and why I'm leaving. Selena Gomez really nailed it this time...