I had never been so excited to go to school.

            Of course, I could’ve always texted Kai, but it just wasn’t the same. I would’ve much rather talked to him in person, where I could see his face and touch his hand.

            When I got to school, I waited out front. I usually came earlier than him anyways, and kept my eyes peeled. I couldn’t wait to see him.

            But he didn’t come. The bell rang for first period, but I stayed out front for a couple of more minutes before leaving. Maybe I’ll see him in first period? Maybe he got held up and didn’t tell me, like yesterday. Thinking back to yesterday and the kiss made me goofily smile to myself.

            “Hey Hyemi, are you gonna get to class?”

            It was Shin Donggeun, from Btob Corporations. He and I were friends, sort of. We talked every now and then.

            “Huh?” I asked, since I’d been spacing out.

            “The tardy bell is about to ring soon,” Donggeun said. “You seemed kind of spaced?”

            “Oh,” I said. “Sorry I was, um, daydreaming, I guess. Thanks for letting me know.”

            “No prob. See you around.”

            “Yeah, see you.”

            I figured that perhaps Kai had come to school before me. That has happened once or twice, where he’d beat me to school. Maybe he’s sitting at his desk listening to his music as always.

            But when I reached the classroom, his seat was empty.

            I got an immediate sense of déjà vu, but then realized that I was being paranoid. Maybe he’s tardy.

            However, as the day went by, I didn’t see him at all. He hadn’t come to school.

            During lunch I texted him.

Are you at school?

            But he didn’t reply back.

            Frustrated, I wondered where he was. I mean I know he’s absent some of the time, but I thought he would have the decency to tell me. Especially since I practically admitted to him yesterday that I missed him when he wasn’t around.

            Then I realized that I didn’t want to be clingy. Maybe I had showed too much of myself over the past couple of days, and he just needed some space.

            But he was absent the next day also, then the next. Soon, it was Friday.

            And he still hasn’t shown up to school.

            Now was the point where I began to grow worried instead of frustrated. Had something happened to him too?

            I didn’t know where he lived, but I did know where he spent his nights. So at around 7 PM, I grabbed my keys and headed to the mental hospital.

            Black clouds were looming low in the night sky when I parked. I sat in the car and waited for him, checking my watch every now and then. It was sprinkling lightly now, getting a bit colder. I zipped up my coat.

            Then I saw him walking out the hospital.

            It’s only been a couple of days, but I felt like it’s been forever. At the sight of him, my legs took off on their own. I ran up to him, the rain making wet streaks in my hair.

            “Why haven’t you been to school?” I blurted out. “Did something happen?” There was something different about him. He dressed the same, looked the same. But he felt so odd.

            Kai looked away, and now I knew for sure that something was wrong. I took some steps forward and gently held onto his arm. “Please tell me,” I said.

            “It’s none of your business.”

            I took a step towards him, not even realizing that I was shaking. “Jongin, what happened? Something happened.”

            “Nothing happened.”

            “Then why are being like this?” I asked. “Why are you being so—“

            “I don’t have time for this,” Kai interrupted, already stepping past me. He walked away.

            I turned around, the lump growing in my throat. “Do you know how worried I was about you?!” I yelled. “You were missing for the entire week. You never even replied to my texts I had no idea where you were. I never know where you are. And now I go out of my way to see you and you’re treating me like . Didn’t I mean anything to you?” I sounded so desperate, so lost. But I thought I could show him this side of me, thinking that he would accept it because he’s always had.

            At least, until now.

            I walked up to him, closing the space between us.

“I like you,” I said. The rain pounded down. I should’ve been shivering but I wasn’t. “I really like you. Don’t you like me too?”

            When Kai didn’t answer right away, I panicked. No. This can’t be happening.

            “Please,” I said quietly, my voice so small. “Please say that you like me too.”

            Kai swallowed. His eyes continued to wander, and then they finally settled on me. His eyes were cold, hard. No warmth whatsoever. “No,” he said. “I never liked you.”

            I didn’t believe him.

            Frantic, I dug my hands into his pockets.

            “What are you doing?” Kai asked tiredly.

            I finally found it in his jacket.

            “This,” I said, holding out his wallet. “If you never felt anything then why is there a picture of me in here?”

            Kai snatched it from me. “How do you know about that?”

            “It doesn’t matter,” I said. “You like me too. I know you do.”

            “Just forget I ever existed. It’s easy.”

            “No,” I said through my tears. “How can forgetting you be easy? You don’t forget the ones you love.”

            “You don’t love me,” Kai said. His voice broke. “You can’t love me. I’m a ing dog compared to people like you. You have rich boys begging to be with you and yet in the end you choose someone like me? I have no money, no nothing. There are better guys out there for you than me.”

            “No!” I denied, shaking my head furiously. “No one is better than you. I don’t care if you’re living on the streets I would still love you either way.”

            Kai scoffed. “Really? I doubt it.”

            “I don’t give away my feelings that easily,” I replied. “But I said I liked you, and it may mean nothing to you but it means a lot to me.” I bit my lip, trying to hold the tears back. But they were already coming down full storm, mixing with the rain. “You mean a lot to me.”

            He gazed at me, biting his lip. “I’m sorry,” Kai said once more before he left. The rain soaked his sweatshirt, tears soaked my heart.