Title : (3/10)

I find the title a little bit lengthy and plus it doesn't really fit the overall story. I suggest the title 'Undeniable Love' or something like that which sounds more eye catching,plus your current title is really cliche,so yea...low points for this section.

Description&Foreword : (10/20)

You put a segment of your story in the foreword,which is good. Your description was also good,but the main problem and the reason why you scored 10 points was because of your really really really bad grammar. Those words that are meant to be kept past tense was in present tense and those which are meant to be kept in present tense is in past tense. I really suggest you to hire a beta reader to polish your story because my overall enjoyment for your story is a 0. Really i'm not kidding,both plot and grammar really turned me off real bad.

Grammar&Language : (5/20)

My gosh man. Seriously. Sorry for being harsh,but I really don't want to sugarcoat this,it's hard to sugarcoat this review anyways because the grammar is REALLY bad. And the way you wrote your story,it's as if you're writing a script for a drama! Please describe and elaborate properly for goodness sake! The first grammar and language mistake already started in the description and foreword.

"Nana is new in school and she doesn't know anyone yet." Well of course she doesn't know anyone! She's new! It's really unnecessary to put the last part of the sentence,but if you don't wanna take it away,then it's okay and just follow the changes. "One day,she met a guy and he stole her heart for the first time she met him." The cancelled part was unnecessary(again),because you already stated in the beginning of the sentence that she met a guy and of course,if you put it as 'she met a guy',it's obvious that she's actually meeting him for the first time right? So...it's unnecessary. 

In the 1st chapter, "I live together with my parents and my dog Alex." Didn't you say that your dog's name is Prince? Who's Alex? Please! Try to proofread your story and spot any mistakes that you can change!

"My parents are the owner of a big company in another country/in a different country...however.." I seriously don't know what you mean when you typed 'cauntrys',was it suppose to be 'countries'? But how come? Isn't your parents the owner to a big company? 'A' is single,so please remember this. And also,this spelling error is seriously...sighs. "After I brushed my teeth."

There are alot of grammar errors but i'm only gonna correct a few in chapter 1 and a few in chapter 3,please get a beta reader too. Chapter 2 wasn't that bad but there were still errors,lets just say that there was too much for me to even spot out,after all,i'm just a reviewer.

In chapter 3,the 1st paragraph, "Yesterday I met someone who stole my heart and his name was Sehun. I saw him with his friends,but he never talked to me,not even once. I feel a little sad about that though. I think I should get up and take my shower now. After I was done with my quick shower,I quickly dressed up into my school uniform."

I got nothing else to say,sighs. The rest of the problem is in the rest of the sections.

Characters : (2/20)

Okay I tried to find a reason to give you the 2 points,after much effort I finally did. You made your character into what's in the character chart,which is good(it means you practically followed the character chart) but the one thing that really really really made me do a major face palm,jump around and rage to the air was how childish your main character was. I mean c'mon! She's 15 and just look at the way she makes friends! I'm 14 and I don't even act like that! She's like a kindergarten kid for goodness sake! She sees a lonely girl and decides to greet her,okay fine. She asks to be friends,still sounds okay,but a little cliche,because teenagers seriously don't make friends like this.

But later on you wrote "I want to be your bestfriends forever." I mean seriously?! They met not long ago and then they want to be bestfriends already? Think about it,only kindergarten kids say that,no? I didn't find ANY maturity in your OC,she's a teenager,she at least needs a little mature mindset,i'm pretty childish myself,but I sure won't be asking a random lonely girl to be my friend and after school she'd be like,'I want to be your bestfriend forever!' heck no. Unless your character is a mentally retarded with the mental age of 4,then it's okay,but she's 15! 15 for pete's sake!

No. Just no. It's all I can say. NO. Please.

For Sehun,he has the total lack of character elaboration and character traits. You said that he was kinda cold in the character trait,but you didn't really make that obvious in the story and if you're thinking what i'm thinking,then no,avoiding her like this isn't being cold when he actually has an agenda(a reason) behind it. Oh and I forgot to mention one thing,your OC is practically a Mary Sue. If I take out the fact that she's childish like a 4 year old,she's basically flawless. Where are her flaws? No human is perfect!

Flow of story : (3/10)

Everything escalated quickly. I found it how odd that their relationship escalated so quickly. One moment Sehun was a 'dang-it' shy boy who is SOOOO shy that he doesn't even dare to talk to the person he loves,and the next moment,he was so courageous to kiss her even though he doesn't know how she really feels. Like seriously?! Your story was short,I understand but relationships and confession don't escalate that fast! It feels weird,really. When I read chapter 5,I was basically 'What the...oh my god just kill me right now.' To be a writer you need to learn the basic things and one of them is to how you can pace your story at the right moment. Do not rush,because it doesn't look good when writers rush. Give it some time,dang!

Originality&Storyline : (1/10)

It's a very cliche story. It's so common,I can probably find this anywhere else. And what's worse,was how childish your characters are. Like I said in the character section,you need to make a mature mindset for them! And at the 12 chapter,how Ahra made an outburst and shouted at Nana to leave,she's 15 too,right? Shouldn't she be mature and understanding? Okay if you don't want her to be mature and understanding,just so you know,even when teenagers are upset over this minor problem,they won't shout and ask them to get out,it's just rude and childish. Besides,they're 15,they should have some basic technology like a webcam and a laptop so they can video call each other. Geez. And is the bestfriend's name Ahra or Nara?! At first it was Ara then Ahra,then Nara,which one?! Make up your mind!

Overall : (24/80)

It's a low mark,yes. If I wasn't any more lenient,your mark could've gone below 10. I understand that English isn't your first language so take the effort and read more books(or fanfics) so you can learn from them! There are alot of EXO fanfic writers and also great ones out there,go and take a look at their work and try to write like them and improve like them. One more advice,please also set the mindset right if your character is a teenager,because they're not as childish as you think,unless they're mentally retarded of course. I'm 14 and I act nothing like your OC even though I'm considered the most childish out of my class. And by the way you write your characters,I believe you're quite young,so try to read other fanfics and get a better idea on how to write your character(or fix it),if not just hire a beta reader that'll improve your writing for you. As I said,my overall enjoyment for your story is a total 0. Sorry for being harsh,I tried to be nice,but I just couldn't...really. Anyways,my harshness is for the best,so good luck on your future stories. Please remember to credit the shop so I can cancel off your name in the list. Once again,thank you for requesting at KMS & HMH Review Shop!