Title : (6/10)

The title fits the story well,yes,but it looks a little boring and such. Maybe you should try 'Anticipating for your return',something else that gives the meaning of both,waiting,and her return,but overall,the title was quite okay.

Description&Foreword : (5/10)

Hmm,this is the first time i'm saying this in the description&foreword section,and it isn't good. Your description and foreword is too plain and boring even though the words and sentences was put correctly. Insert some pictures! Or make the font a little larger! Or maybe put in some snowing gifs,anything that would brighten up the dull description&foreword. And for your description,it'll look nicer if you alligned your words to the centre.

Grammar&Language : (15/20)

Your grammar and language wasn't that bad,despite English not being your first language,your vocabulary is even better than mine(I envy that),but there are a few mistakes here and there,that you probably didn't notice,and also you tend to insert commas in inappropriate timings,asides that,some parts also needs some improving.

I found 2 mistakes in your first line;already. "I would feel so desperate and lonely at the same time. It has already been two years since that day." Both 'desperate' and 'lonely' are a feeling and if you were to only put 'feel' beside 'lonely',it's like you're missing a point and it also sounds a little weird. And the reason why it's 'has' instead of 'had',is because there is the word 'already' in front. I'm not really good at explaining tense,but I guess it's one of the 'laws' in English.

In the second paragraph,first line, "I slumped onto my bed." the reason why I changed 'slumping' to 'slumped' is because it was suppose to be originally in past tense since the next part of the sentence has a past tense in it.

In the 5th paragraph, "It was chillingly windy/chilly and windy." i'm not sure that you meant by 'chilly windy',but I assume that you're actually meaning 'chillingly windy',if not,then it must be the second choice because 'chilly windy' just doesn't sound right.

After the first ... ,in the second line, "Some,sleeping like a dead people..." since it's 'some',you can't use a singular metophor,because it's plural,not singular.

Same goes for the other sentence, "Not wanting to disturb any the other members,who were sleeping like a hibernating bears." Because if you were to use the word 'any',it only means one person which in that case,'member' and not 'members',but you have a 'were' in the second part of the sentence,so it must be 'members',hence you should change the 'any' to 'the'. In case you don't understand what i'm saying...

Any - > Member - > Was - > A hibernating bear

The - > Members - > Were - > Hibernating bears

So yea,that oughta be understandable.

The second line of the flashback, "But not in hell was I,their fan." 'No' should be used more in dialogue terms,but in this situation,'not' fits the sentence more. Etc, 'not in a million years'.

In the third line after 'shoot that!', "Also,being prohibited to see any girls was the thing ,irked me more than anything else." 'was the thing' is inappropriate,and so with that inappropriate phrase,your comma was placed wrongly. If you hadn't noticed,I shifted your comma from in between 'me' and 'more',to before 'irked'. 

(Sorry I was lazy to count which paragraph is this), "The icy whether made my nose red and my cheeks dry." and again,if you hadn't noticed,I removed the comma between 'cheeks' and 'dry' because it was unnecessary. If you were to put the comma behind 'dry',you should be doing the same for 'nose' and 'red',which in that case,is too much commas in one sentence.

There are more mistakes than these and I sort of lost track of them,but do try to proofread your stories for these mistakes that I pointed out,try to change them a little and also some words need improving,you also tend to shift your tense a little,so make sure that if your sentence has a past tense,the whole sentence must be in past tense!

Character : (14/20)

I guess Luhan is just Luhan since this is a reality type of fic when idols are really just idols,so probably to sum up everything,Luhan is sort of determined plus all the things he is on TV. But is Luhan hte main character? Or Luhan AND the OC? But I do like how you made the OC a very dignified type of person,since she was bothered alot by how Luhan stared at her so intensely,but where's her name? The readers don't even know her name,I mean,I get that you want to keep your fic short and sort of mysterious to keep your readers wondering,but not like this. At least give a name,even though it's hard since the scenario is in this situation.

Maybe you can write when Luhan gets closer to the OC,he sees a silver bracelet on the OC's hand and there was a name engraved on it? Something along that line so that the readers can have a little information about the OC.

Flow of story : (7/10)

The flow of story wasn't that bad,but the reason why there was 3 points tipped off,was because of how unbelievably fast Luhan fell in love with the OC. I get that you want him to fall in love with the girl somehow or another,even if she's that beautiful,it's quite impossible for Luhan to keep that love for her,for 2 years. Even though i'm not a guy,but whenever I see a good looking guy,my heart will start thumping wildly,maybe i'll have a simple conversation with him too,but if I didn't see him again for the next 2 years,i'd probably forget about him even though I don't want to.

According to the human feelings,I guess that part was kind of unrealistic. So you could insert a sort of 'reminder' in the middle,like when Luhan was starting to forget about the OC,he happens to bump into her again,refreshing the memory and leaving a deeper imprint,something like that.

Originilay&Storyline : (7/10)

Well,I have seen stories like yours before,but it of course has more to it than just 1 chapter,or a sequel,but those kind of stories weren't as serious as yours. I mean,yes it's the first time i've seen a one shots that actually focused on how Luhan was still craving to see that girl that left a big impact on him,but the last 3 points was again tipped off by how unrealistic Luhan falls for her.

Overall : (54/80)

It isn't that bad of a score for someone that doesn't have English as their first language,I salute to you for knowing more vocabularies than me though(gotta study the dictionary now,haha). My overall enjoyment wasn't that bad either since the mistakes weren't that obvious until I have to focus on looking for errors to point out. And also,sorry for the long wait,I was busy for the few days left of December and before I knew it,school started again,so I couldn't spend much time on the computer and when I can,i'll most probably update my stories. Please remember to credit the shop in your foreword so that I can cancel your name off the list. Thank you for requesting at KMS & HMH Review Shop! Have a nice day!