Title : (3/10)

It sounded really cliche and dull since I definitely have seen this title somewhere else before,the meaning of the title and how it connects to the storyline,I give you about...3/9 for that because overall the whole story was actually based on the relationship of the OC and Lay instead of how miraculous it is to get in a relationship with him.

Description&Foreword : (7/10)

The description was rather okay and there weren't any mistakes but the reason why it was 7 instead of 10 is because the foreword is not only to put your author's note there. Insert a segment of your story,maybe a few lines or cliffhanger scenes that doesn't really have to be in detail,you can put it bluntly,but remember,not so blunt. Overall this section was quite okay.

Grammar&Language : (14/20)

Your grammar wasn't as bad as I expected it to be,I guess this isn't the main problem of your fic afterall,but there is some things that are annoying me,just not your grammar. So I read your fic two days ago and I forgot everything so I'm just gonna point out grammar mistakes chapter by chapter. Surprisingly,chapter 1 has no grammar mistakes at all,BUT please don't put fonts in different colors. It will annoy readers the most,especially petty readers like me. If you choose to write in black,write in black all the way. If you want the thoughts to be in a different color or something,choose grey or write it in italics,not some fanciful bright colors that keeps changing.

Oh wait,now that i've seen it again,I saw a tiny mistake in your first chapter. It probably wasn't intentional though, "I grabbed a bag of chips and started shoving a handful of it into my mouth." You missed out the 'a' and you must state what you're exactly 'shoving' in your mouth because in that sentence,it was unclear even though I understood it.

In chapter two, "She went downstairs and really saw Lay from Exo." now if you're wondering which sentence i'm correcting,it's 'Down stairs it was really Lay from Exo.' now if you put it that way,it makes Lay seem that he's like some event or some title...like seriously.

"Yixing took Fei to a coffee shop." You misspelled 'coffee'. Other than those 2 mistakes,there aren't anymore in chapter two. I won't exactly point out each and every mistake,sorry. Because i'm having a headache from school and I know I shouldn't procrastinate your reviews any longer because it has been long enough.

In chapter three, "I-I'm sorry...I can't. If I don't break up with you,my dad is going to permanently remove me from Exo." I find it funny how you didn't include 'me' in the sentence. What rights does the father have to remove Exo? Even if he is rich,he doesn't have that power and authority right?

Okay that's all the mistakes i'm going to point out. Your mistakes aren't that bad,there are a few though but you just need to polish your fic and it's done.

Character : (7/20)

This is the second main problem of the story. All I know is that Fei is a fangirl,I'm not sure about her personalities,traits and not even Lay's even though Lay should be the same real Lay of Exo,but that's not for real right? You have to make up character traits like how you stated in the story that you want to meet the reat Exo and not the ones that are on stage. You didn't state the real Lay,in fact I don't even see his personalities conveyed in this fic. And for the fangirl part,I'll be lenient and i'll give you 7 points for that. Next time no matter how short your fic is,make sure that you have equally elaborated the character's personality and traits properly.

Flow of story : (2/10)

This was also part of the second main problem of the story and it is done really really badly. Everything was too fast,the relationship between Fei and Exo didn't even show any progression,for example,after they met,did they talk to each other again? When did Lay realize his feelings for Fei? Sure,probably it was love at first sight,but since you wrote the story mainly about Fei and only in Fei's POV I do not know what is Lay thinking,how he feels about this love and so. And the confession,Fei seemed to accept it without any hesitation. Lay is a famous idol,don't you think that there will be fans that are watching? Especially sasaeng fans? Furthermore Fei isn't an idol,if she is then it would be easier,but she isn't. She's just a plain ordinary girl in Earth.

What I suggest is that Fei hesitates after Lay's confession even though she loves him back. Lay should be more sensible too,he's an idol,and plus they are at a coffee shop,isn't it too out in the open?  Any fan could just snap a picture of the couple and post it on the net and the next thing you know is that you get bashed by sasaengs,so to summarize what i'm actually saying,is that everything is revolving too fast and that it is so unrealistic. Unrealistic plots and points turn off readers the most,so take note of that.

Originality&Storyline : (2/10)

Finally,the main problem of the story. I've probably said what I wanted to say here in the 'Flow of story' section. Miracles,yes that could happen,but not like this right? The meeting is a little bit cliche and unrealistic,even though miracles do happen,they have to be realistic too. Choose a better meeting,like at a concert,like that,it would sound much more better. Love at first sight? That is also unrealistic for an idol. Sure they can,but you must also write some things in Lay's POV because this story is not only about Fei alone,since there is a loveline.

Since it's an idolxjust-a-girl type of story,you must really state what Exo really is. Exo is really popular,yes and they have tons of sasaeng fans and even normal fans watching each and every of their actions. Confession at a coffee shop? The news would probably be out the next day. The confession should've took place at Fei's house,or somewhere private. And also hugging at a coffee shop? Fans must've thrown bricks at her by now.

When I saw your request comment I thought that your main problem was grammar since you said your grammar was terrible,but instead the plot is horrible,not your grammar. Furthermore,this isn't just unrealistic,its also really cliche. I can find any other story just like this. It isn't unique nor does it captures the readers' attention.

Overall : (35/80)

Thats a low score. I'm not trying to bring you down or anything,please don't mind me being harsh,i'm always like that when I spot a lot of mistakes. My overall enjoyment was also low,overall. And so now you know that the main problem is your plot and character elaboration,plus flow of story. Take it slow,but not too slow. Write hesitations,describe the confession with more words,not just a mere sentence,like is he not nervous when he confessed? Delay stuff. Even though your story was meant to be short,pace everything equally so that the reader can enjoy the story. Please remember to credit the shop in your foreword so that I can cancel your name off the list and sorry for the long wait. Thank you for requesting at KMS & HMH Review Shop,have a nice day.