Kikwang’s POV

"Kikwang-ah! Kikwang-ah!"

I put my weights down and scrambled to my feet, wiping off my sweat as Manager hyung walked into the room.

"Neh! Hyung-nim!" I bowed, curious to know why Manager-hyung had specially called me for. Manager-hyung chuckled. “Good news! Brave Brothers have requested you to feature in their new song!”

My eyes widened and a large goofy grin was subconsciously spreading itself on my face.

“Hyung, really? They requested me? Not Yoseob hyung or Hyunseung hyung?”

“Neh, so stop acting like a happy pabo and get to work.” Manager hyung teased as he passed  some papers to me and left the room.

I read line after line of lyrics, only ever so slightly aware of my increasing heartbeat as I bit my lip harder and harder and harder…. 

It’s like I can touch you when I reach my hands out

“No! No! No!” There it was again, the same dream over and over again. You’re there. Right in front of me, with your sweet smile. Your beautiful silky hair was cascading over your shoulders, your eyes twinkling brightly as you stretched out your arms. “Oppa…” I reached out to hold your hand. I stretched with all my might only to grab the air. “Shoko?” I whispered as I tried endlessly to hold your hand. You just smiled at me. Your mysterious gaze never leaving mine as you drifted further and further away. “NO! Shoko-ah!” I screamed, thrashing around, trying my best to pull you back, but my grasp always just missed you. Your figure was getting smaller and smaller until you just disappeared from my sight but your voice was still ringing. “Oppa. Oppa. Oppa” I would wake up, only to find myself desperately grabbing nothing but the cold air, tears streaming down my cheeks, my pillows and blankets strewn carelessly on the floor.

After you left, my heart is like an empty space

“Don’t go, please!” I wrapped my arms around my knees, sobbing quietly. “Don’t leave me.” Tears welled up in my eyes as I stuffed chip after chip into my mouth. It tasted bitter. I drowned a whole bottle of soju. Nothing. No light-headed feelings. No relieve of the aching pain in my heart. Not even a migraine. I was numb. My heart was empty. I was soulless. Empty. I threw the empty soju bottle on the floor, sinking down to the cold hard floor as the resounding shattering of the glass bottle reveberated through the air. I stared at the mess, feeling nothing. I was numb even when Doojoon finally burst the door open. Numb when Hyunseung started chiding me. Numb when Dongwoon hugged me, looking concerned. Numb when Yoseob started to cry. Numb when Junhyung patted my back, trying to comfort me. Numb when all the members started to cry, pulling me in for a group hug. I was numb to everything ever since you left.

My lip was quivering as I shook my head to rid myself of these forgotten memories. Nononono, Kikwang ah, what happened to you? Aigoo, these are just song lyrics. Nothing to get worked up about. Have to forget…What’s the past is the past….

“Just song lyrics. Normal soppy love songs. Just song lyrics, why am I acting like this…” I mumbled aimlessly to myself as I walked out of the room.