“Jihyo, are you busy right now?” She just woke up from her afternoon nap. “No, oppa. Why?”

“I think I left my notebook in your living room.” She walked out of her room to find the missing notebook. It was on the couch. She took it in her hand. “Found it. What do I do with it?”

“Please keep it safe. I’ll get it from you tomorrow morning. You can read it if you want… They’re just my lyrics.”

“Really??” She gets excited at the chance to read his lyrics. She is a big fan of his music, it’s every fangirl’s wish to be able to look at the work in progress.  He chuckled hearing her excited voice. “I think we’ve come to a point where you should know more about me… and how this heart of mine works”

“I think so too… About time you tell me about your past life. Thank you…”

“It’s not my diary! But I guess you’ll get a glimpse of my past through it.”

He didn’t think Jihyo would like to read the lyrics on the other girls in his life. But since the book was already there with her, he thought that was his chance to tell her of who he is without having to find the right timing to talk about it.

Jihyo sat on the couch and started from the first page. It was written nicely although there were scribbles and words crossed out..  She saw how harsh words were replaced with nicer words, she saw how words are arranged.  She noticed he has a nice handwriting.

She could not really make a definite story out of the lyrics he wrote. It’s vague for her to imagine at times. But when he wrote of the women he was with. She felt jealousy creeping in. It was so intimate she was hating the vision she has in her mind but the words are so nice, she can’t stop reading.

….

She opened the door to be greeted by a man holding a bag of food. “Breakfast! Come in quickly, I am hungry!” She pulled him into the house.

“Did you sleep well last night. You are shining beautifully today.” He was not lying. He saw her glowing with beauty. “yes, I didn’t have you calling me last night so I got to sleep peacefully” She said cheekily and took the bag to lay out the food on the table. “I finished 2 hours ago… Didn’t even get to sleep”

She looked up at his eyes and notice that he was indeed sleepy and tired. “Why didn’t you sleep and come here later.”

“I promised you 7am. I can sleep after we eat.” He pulled her to him. “But just before we eat…” he leaned down for a kiss that lasted too long, he didn’t realize he was lying on top of her on the couch by the time it ended.

“I am so sleepy.. can you eat alone?” he his side to let her up. “Aren’t you hungry?” She held his hand sitting next to his form. He shook his head and closed his eyes to sleep. “OK… I’ll save some food for you.”

He woke up to her sitting on the floor leaning against the couch he was on.  She was reading his notebook. He turned to put his head on her shoulder and one arm went around her. She did not flinch, she is used to him holding her now.

“Had enough sleep? You’ve been sleeping for the past 5 hours”

“Yes” his voice was hoarse.  “But I am hungry” he was talking near her ear. She put the book on the coffee table and proceeded to the dining table. She came back with a bag containing his favorite burger, fries and drink. She put it on the coffee table, open up the burger  and handed it to him. She took the straw and put it into his can of coke.

“It’s so nice to be around you… you take good care of me.” He was speaking with his mouth half full.  He brought his burger to for her to eat with him. She took a bite and continued reading his notebook beside him.

“Oppa… I’ve read all the lyrics.  I can guess the stories but can you please tell me the real stories. It’s kind of vague to me”

“Sure thing. Just let me know which one you want to know and I’ll tell you.  Let me finish eating while you choose.”

….

He walked back from the kitchen after washing.

“The girl who can’t break-up… This is almost 2 years ago. Must be the girl before your previous girlfriend” He choked on the coke hearing her mentioning the two women before her.  She looked at him and smiled. “Hahaha! You don’t want to talk about them do you?”

“I don’t mind. I am over her now.”

“Really? She was the reason you broke up with the last one.” She reminded him of what he told her before. “Well, she is not the only reason… you are part of it too”

“What?!” her eyes wide in disbelief. She never wanted to be a cause for another woman’s hurt. 

“She is the main reason we fought a lot… the same old thing.. over and over again.. I guess I was still stuck on her. I saw her a few weeks before she got married. And she found out about it and that was the last of it.”

 “I guess she was just there to fill up the loneliness after that first one left.  I wasn’t in love. I was still stuck on the first one.  It was bad of me because I didn’t even try with her when she tried everything. When she saw us meeting, she realized it’s getting nowhere and we could not stop fighting. After a few weeks, she decided it was the point she give up. We broke up”

“Before I ask you about the first one, I want to know… where do I come in in this matter?”

“You are the reason I didn’t put any effort to stay. When I was with her I was stuck on the first one.. Then, the first time I saw you… I wanted you. For the first time, after a year, I have a picture of you in my mind interchanging with hers. At that moment, I knew I didn’t feel love for the last girl. It was just companionship. She was just there when I needed someone.”

“Wow…” She can’t believe he is telling her all that.

“HaHa knew it too. He had been a very good friend, he knows me better than I do. He knew I wasn’t in love with her.  He also knew I was captivated by you. He pushed me to you. He said you would be the one to make me get over the first one.”

“Back then, why didn’t you break up with her when you knew?”

“Besides being selfish and wanting someone around… you, see, I’ve never been alone for so many years… I also felt sorry that I didn’t treat her well. I tried to make it as harmless as possible. I wanted to let her go slowly. I didn’t want to crush her.”

“The first one called me up one fine day.. and asked for a meeting because she was going to get married. I went to see her. She wanted to give me the closure that I needed. We had a long talk to clear out what we could not talk of before.  We ended it on good terms. I had my closure. After we parted, I felt the freedom. I was happy for her. But one person was not very happy. She thought I was still stuck on her…” he paused. He took her hand in his. “I was actually stuck on you from that moment.  It was a defining moment for me. It was just you. Not her. Just you. But as I said.. I tried to be fair to her. I just can’t. I wanted you.”

She didn’t know how to react to that. She felt guilty for causing another woman’s pain. Gary knew how she felt. He knows how she is always kind and considerate towards others.

“If it helps.. She is now with the best man she can ever have.” Her face lit up hearing that happy ending to the girl’s story. “I saw her a few weeks ago. I know the guy. It was awkward at first but I apologized to them and wished them happy.”

“That is good to hear…”

“I am starting to think I am their lucky charm… They get the best men after being with me…”

“Then I have nothing to lose, dating you. Either I get you or I get a better man.. right?”

He stared at her. “I guess…” His mind was already off somewhere else. A worried look on his face.

“Hey.. we’ve just started.. I am not saying I am not trying if things are not as nice as now…” She tried to comfort him. “We’ll take it slow OK. Let’s not rush things. I know you think you are very sure of me.  But we are in the learning process.  Let’s be realistic, you may not like what you learn and I may not like what I learn either.”

He nodded agreeing to her words. “You’re right… we’ll never know what’s in the future. But right now, it’s all good. Let’s take it as it goes. You agreeing to date is already too good to be true for a guy like me!” He smiled happily.

“Actually… I was really scared of you although I like you a lot back then. You’re so deep and intense as a person. It’s not that scary now…”

“You’re scared of me??” That’s new to him. “I still am…” She nodded her head. “Now that I get to know you… You’re lovable but this heart of yours” she caressed his chest. “…contains a lot of dark secrets I have yet to know of.”

That is a fact he knows and will not deny. “I’ll try to let it out slowly so it doesn’t scare you away.  Can you please tame this dark soul?” That cute face of a child begging for ice cream makes her laugh.

“I think I can do that… We’ll do it slowly ok?”

“Don’t you think this is already slow… I have not gone pass this couch with you… Other girls would have agreed to me on the first date…” He was laughing at himself. He didn’t expect he had the control. “My water bill has been rising consistently… but I save on the water heater bill” he joked. She elbowed him in the tummy for that remark. “Be ready to pay higher water bills since summer is approaching.. You’re not getting me anytime soon.”

He suddenly stopped laughing and gazed lovingly into her eyes. “I don’t really care… as long as I can have you beside me like this… I think I can handle it.”

“Besides…” He lay down on his back pulling to lie beside him. “This is good enough” She snuggled up to him, hugging him tight. She felt happy yet she was scared.

She wants to be happy. What she feels with him is addictive. She fears the day she gets addicted to it and there is no mean to cure when he decides to discard her like the two other women.

“Can you stay here tonight? Just be here beside me. Hangout with me instead of your friends. I am stressed and I need you to calm me down.”

“Of course… I’ll stay.”