Taeyeon  POV

I am sitting in the living room of our hotel at midnight. I didn’t turn on lights because I didn’t want to disturb girls. Since that day, I couldn’t sleep well and that was really affecting my schedules because I don’t have energy. We are going to perform on “Late Show with David Letterman”. We just have to perform the “Boys” and an interview. I am not worried about interview because mostly Tiffany or Sooyeon will answer the questions. I am really not good with English.

I sighed.

“What are you doing to me, Sooyeon” I mumbled as I slowly sip my beer.

Everything was fine until recently. Until I saw Sica cried because of Yuri and Minho incident. At that time when Yul couldn’t stay with Sica, I got closed to her. I didn’t mean it to be like that. It’s not that I took advantage. It’s just that I hate to see her cry. I saw her crying herself to sleep every single day and I stayed with her until she falls asleep. At first says she is fine and refuses my help but when time goes she was waiting at night for me. We simply sit down side by side and she would randomly talk about what she thinks. Most of the time it’s about Yuri. She smile even when she is thinking about her and then cry. I held her and caress her hair until she falls asleep. I would smile seeing her peaceful expression when she sleeps and I felt like someone stabbed me when she is talking about Yul. But I decided to ignore all that and stay beside her. Because that was the time she needed me the most.

But strange thing is we never hang out when we are with other members. It’s like nothing has changed between us. We avoid each other and hang out with other members at day time.  I was confused why I always go to her at night and offer to comfort her when we are not even friends, but we never had a chance to talk about it because Yuri made Seo confessed to her.

Yeah. I knew about their plan. Actually it was my idea. Yuri told me about their doubt of our maknea and I told her to try to get close to her. I knew it hurt Sica so much. But in the end it paid off and they got back together. Everything went back to the way it was except my feelings. I never went to see Sica after that and we went back to “just being members of the same group”. But I couldn’t help think about Sica and our moments after that.

Flashback 

Year 2004

I and Sica are sitting our usual place near cafeteria waiting for Sooyoung to arrive. Sica is lying down beside me, her head on my lap. I ran my fingers through her silky hair.

“Taengoo”                    

“Hmm”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Well, you just did” She had her eyes closed before and it snapped open hearing my reply.

“Ya! Stop acting like a smart ”             

“Well that’s who I am” I smirked and she rolled her eyes and slapped me.

“So what do you want to know?”

“Mmmm have you ever had a boyfriend?”

I never expected her to ask that

“Why you want to know suddenly?”

“Kim Taeyeon, don’t answer a question with a question”

“Then how should I answer?” I smirked at her.

She looks mad because she pouts and her eyebrows knitted together.

I love to because she looks so cute when she is mad

Now that doesn’t sound like your crush over her at all

Wait.What?

I do not love Jung Sooyeon. It can’t be right? She is my best friend and she is a girl. I do not like girls that way

How can you know when you never had a boyfriend?

But I..

“Aish. What the hell, Sooyeon” my thoughts were interrupted by Sooyeon’ slap.

“Ya! did you just space out in the middle of a conversation. Don’t you know that’s rude” I didn’t realize she sit on the bench and glaring at me.  Then she turned her back to me pouting, obviously she is upset.

“aw! My baby is angry with me? sorry” I hugged her from behind and put my chin on her shoulder. She didn’t reply. So I kissed her cheek and trailed kisses down her neck.

I know it’s not normal. But we were always like that. I mean she kiss me on cheek or neck. I always feel my heart beat fast whenever she is does that. But I couldn’t understand the reason or I don’t want to accept it.

She leaned back to me and I smiled.

I was forgiven.

“I… I was thinking about..” I trailed of trying to come up with an excuse.

“What’s there to think? It’s just a yes or no answer”

“I… mm no” I blushed.

Thank god she can’t see my face.

I am embarrassed to say I never had a boyfriend.

Then she hummed and I saw she is smiling.

My reason makes her happy? IT can’t be my answer right?

No way. She is not like that.

I went home and thought about our conversation and I even dreamt of her. That’s the day I realized I am in love with my best friend, Jung Sooyeon.

………………………………….

Few days later.

I was still thinking of what to do about my new found feelings when one day Sooyoung came to my home.

“Soo”

I called my so called best friend who is busy munching all the snacks in my fridge without care in the world.

“Hmm?”

“Have you ever thought of falling in love?”

That made Sooyeon choked on her food and her face turned red.

“What the hell, Tae. How can you ask something like that so suddenly?”

“Why? It is a simple question, isn’t it?” I asked raising an eyebrow.

“Mmmmm still. I didn’t expect you to ask that”

“Just answer the damn question, Sooyoung”

“Well… I can’t say I did not have feelings for anyone. But it turned out that he is already in love with someone else. So .. mmm it didn’t work out”

It’s he.

Of course it is.

“but why you wanted to know that suddenly…?” Her eyes widen and stopped eating.

“No way! Don’t tell me you like Minho too.. wow!”

“What? Ya! I told you I don’t like him. Stop screaming, mum will hear you”  I glared at her.

“Then? Who is it? I don’t remember you are interested in another”

“Did I say I like someone? It’s not that you idiot. I am just curios”

“huh! Like I believe you. but I can’t imagine you hide something from me, Tae. How could you?”

Did I tell you Soo is the drama queen in our group? Well. She is

I rolled my eyes.

Let’s try another strategy

“Soo, I heard Hyo-yeon is dating Nicole. Is that true?”

 “Of course I even saw them making out. Ew! I don’t know how they become together. They are both girls. They should know that’s wrong in so many different ways”

She scrunches up her nose in disgust.

I got the answer for my unspoken question. I decided at that moment not to follow my heart. It will never work out and I will just hurt Sooyeon in the end.

End of  flashback.                         

I woke up when I felt someone start shaking me. 

Huh? This is not the bed.

Oh I slept on the couch? I think I was too drunk

“Ya! Why you sleep on couch. When did you leave the room anyway?”  Fany asked and sat next to me. She handed me a cup of coffee.

“Thanks” I muttered.

“I couldn’t sleep Fany. So I decided to drink a beer. I guess I drank too much”

She just sighed.

I don't have to look at her to know what she thinks. She knows the reason for that already though we never talked about it openly yet.

We drank tea silently when members came to the living room.

 “Wake up guys, we have practices” Sunny came to the living room shouting and lied down next to Sooyoung and placed her head  on Sooyoung’s lap.

“Morning Sunny unni. Don’t you look so happy and excited” Yoona said and raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t I always like that? I am the energy pill of Girls Generation, remember?” Sunny replied with her eye smile.

“We won’t fall for that eye smile sunny. We are not your fans” Hyo-yeon said rolling her eyes.

“We all know you hate practices and waking up early, Sunkyu unni” Yoona said and merong at her.

“Maybe it’s because of a certain tall American dance instructor she met yesterday?” Sooyoung said not looking at Sunny. But she is smirking.

 “aish!” Others heard Sunny mutter and she is blushing.

“No way!!!! You mean what’s his name gain…. Aha! Mark?” Hyo-yeon asked.

“wooooo!! Sunkyu unni is in looooove” Yoona shouted again.

“How old are you again, Yoong? I thought you are in your 20s not 5 years old” Sunny said glaring. I watched all this but again I was thinking about something else. It’s about a certain ice princes who try to avoid me at all cost in past few days. It’s true we didn’t talk that much usually, but there were moments that we at least smiled or simply sit together. She even caressed my hair and tried to help when that static hair incident happen at Coway Concert. She smiled like she used to do before when we were trainees and I thought she is beginning to forget all past when I had to ruin all because of my stupid jealousy.

I sighed.

I shouldn’t have talk to her like that.

You were overreacting, Tae.

I know. But I was so worried. What if something happened to my Sooyeon?

Your Sooyeon huh?

Shut up! You know what I meant

I know exactly what you mean.. You still love her don’t you?

“I DO NOT”

Why room is silent suddenly?

I looked around to see everyone is looking at me shocked.

Huh?

Wait. Please god!  Don’t tell me I said it aloud.

 “Is it me or are you talking to yourself?”

Sunny asked me and crossed her arms around her chest.

“I don’t know what you are talking about” I said and got up from the chair to go to my room but Sunny suddenly hold my hand.

“Yeah right. Tell that to someone else, Taeyeon. I know you since you were 15 years old. Now spill”

“It’s nothing that concerns you, Sunny” I glared at her. Her eyes widen seeing my expression, and then her eyes filled with tears. I never ever talk to my members like that. But these says even a simple sentence makes me angry. I don’t know what’s happening to me.

I hurt her

“S..sunny. I.. I am…”

She held her hand stopping me from talking further.

“No need, Taeyeon. I get it. You are THE Kim Taeyeon that no one can get close to. Not even you’re so called best friends and sisters who practically lived with you for years”

She didn’t let me talk and walked away and closed the door loudly.

“I… I didn’t mean to. I am sorry, Sunny” I bowed my head and walked to my room.

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Hey guys!

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Imagine me doing that :D ha ha 

I want to thank you all for supporting me ... I seriously love you guys!

Hmmm so back to the story... this is all about Taeyeon's POV. I thought explaing Tae's thoughts are important before I continue. Actually a friend gave me that idea. Special thanks for her for listening to my thoughts and gives me good ideas .. Saranghe! :D 

so what you think of this??? Is it good? bad? boring? please leave a comment and subscribe if you like the story. and UPVOTE if you love it.. See you guys soon!!!!