At home, the 4 of us gathered in the living room and my father ordered the servants and housekeeper to return to their respective rooms. My mother and brother sat down and I was told to kneel in front of my father, while they watched me. I hung my head in shame once again, knowing only too well what my punishment would be this time. I observed my father and he took out a remote from one of the drawers, activating a hidden door behind the painting. This may sound and look a lot like typical villains from cartoons, but this scene was so familiar and real to me. There were 5 canes, ranging from Level 1 to 5, I’ve only experienced Level 1 to 3 before. Those were simple and classic canes. My father strongly believed in caning as a form of punishment so we will learn from fear, torture and pain. However, the way my father uses them were unlike other parents. The mere hits of the cane were nothing, compared to what my father did. That’s why everyone was always so scared of ‘the punishment’, even my mother has had a taste of the cane. I would dare form the impression that my father was merciless and brutal when he canes. He used to say to me, “Joon Myun, the caning is for your best interests. It’ll help you to learn a lot better and quicker.”

What a liar.

He scanned through his canes and said, “Remember the last time we did this, I suggested we do the Level 4 cane the next time you fail me. I think now, the circumstances have allowed me to raise the severity of the punishment. Let’s do the Level 5 cane today, I promise you it will be fun.”

Sadistic bastard.

This is just a game for him to play and I’m his doll this time. I can’t believe I’ve reached Level 5 already. I never thought in my life, I could have failed as his son so miserably… Why can’t I ever do anything right? I’m so stupid, Father is right, I deserve this…

 “Remove your jacket , this will only hurt less with it on.” My father’s cold voice was like an arrow of death in the silence of this room. I took my jacket off and tossed at it to the side, revealing my bare arms.

I was so vulnerable.

I was so ashamed.

I was so scared.

He used his cane and lifted my face up, my eyes darted towards the tip of the cane. It was unlike the rest of the canes, with a sharp edge and almost looked like a dagger.

“He’s not going to use that on me, right?” I thought, cold sweat started to form on my forehead and my lips started to quiver. This was the Level 5 cane, this was no joke. I might not even survive this!

Before I got a chance to say my last prayers and say goodbye to the world, my father chuckled and said, “Scared already, Joon Myun? It’s only the beginning, we haven’t even started. It won’t be any more fun when the actual caning begins. Any last words?”

Goodbye world, see you on the other side!! I’ll say hi to grandma and grandpa Kim when I see them!!

Instead, I stuttered and said, “I-I-I’m so, so sorry, F-f-father! I won’t, I won’t fail again! I’ll, I’ll st-study harder and I’ll do the fa-family proud!” I was so scared, I really didn’t want to be caned and I absolutely hated that my father was enjoying this.

I was so scared of the punishment, I was so scared of my father, I was so scared of everything.

And then, a slap across the face… Let the punishment commence…

After at least 20 hits from the cane, 5 to the face, 15 to the body, about 10 slaps, a few more canings here and there, and an additional few kicks to my stomach. And not forgetting to mention, the finale. I was right, he was gonna use the blade. Thankfully not on my face, but on my arm. It was cut quite deeply and it was already bleeding. The pain was so unbearable, I had blood trickling down from my nose and I collapsed to the floor, I closed my eyes and I needed the pain to stop. The cane fell with a thud and I flinched, wrapping myself tightly into a ball. I didn’t even dare look at the cane, with the blade with my blood on it. My head started to spin and I was so dizzy, I thought I’d faint. Then, my tears fell and I didn’t even care, I just let it fall. No one was there to see my disastrous state anyways. I couldn’t even have the energy to think about how ridiculous counting how many times I got hit and I just lied on the floor, closing my eyes.

I never got used to the pain.

I never got used to the torture.

I never understood how my brother could keep a straight face while my father caned him.

Was it just me who feels this way?

Was I that weak?

What could I have done to stop my father from caning me? When he canes people, he turns into a beast and he can’t control himself, no one else dares to intervene and stand up to him, so he won’t stop until he wants to.

I could’ve done nothing. No one has ever stood up to my father before.

It was impossible, unthinkable.

I opened my eyes slowly, after lying on the floor for a while. The blood had already dried up and it had already stopped bleeding. My father’s cane was still on the floor, but no one else was there, like always. I went to the bathroom and got the first-aid kit. The first-aid kit has always been a good friend of mine since young. When I first received ‘the punishment’, my older brother stayed up and hid under the table until I woke up forI was knocked out by the cane’s severe blows. He was the one who brought me to the bathroom and introduced me to the first-aid kit. He helped me with the bandages, ointment, etc and later on, taught me how to use the first-aid kit myself. That was about 4 to 5 years ago, now, I do it all by myself and the first-aid kit has become my only source to heal my pain, physically and mentally.

Aigoo, what happened to my hyung?

The next morning, I could still sense the tension from last night, drifting around like poisonous gas in the dining room. I didn’t dare make any eye contact with any of them, neither did I dare to speak. I kept staring at my bowl, I didn’t even feel like eating at all. The corner of my lip was bruised, I had applied makeup on my face to cover up the bruises on my cheek and I wore a long sleeved shirt to cover up my bandages.

My father said, “Joon Myun, your mother and I were discussing last night about your business course. We think it’s best for you that you do not further shame and disgrace us by taking the business course. Word will spread and not just yours, but our family’s reputation will be ruined. You will just keep failing us again and again, and I’m sure you don’t want to take the business course anymore. It just doesn’t suit you, your brother is doing extremely well in business and I’ve decided to let him take over the company, instead of you two sharing it.”

My brother nodded and said, “I completely agree with Father, Joon Myun. Think on the bright side, we won’t have to fight over the company and cause a bloodshed. Plus, I’m sure you don’t want to bear the shame when you lose to me.”

My father cut him off and said, “That’s enough, Dae Joon. You keep eating your breakfast, you still have to prepare for this morning’s meeting with the board directors.”

My brother replied politely with a faint smile, “Of course, Father.”

I was started to eat my breakfast slowly as my stomach was grumbling softly to me in midst of their conversation and I can’t believe Dae Joon is getting the company all to himself, I have no whatsoever shares in the company. Was I really that incapable of anything related to business? And I thought Secretary Kang was telling the truth about the business blood running in the Kim family…

My mother said, “As for you, Joon Myun. You’ll be transferring to a teacher’s course, you’ll follow in my footsteps and become a teacher! But I shall advise you, no – I must order you to not to speak of your status. We shall see if you have the abilities to be a teacher like me, or you are no child of ours. Given last night’s circumstances, I think you understand why we are doing this. It may be proud for you to say that you are from this family and of such high status, but definitely not for us. I don’t want you to tarnish our family name, so you will not let anyone know of your true identity, lie if you must. However, we are not disowning you, nor are we going to stop providing for you, we merely just want what’s best for you. This is for your best interests, Joon Myun! And, you will carry out your teaching course somewhere else, somewhere a bit far from here. In Seoul, the professors will obviously recognize you, so we can’t have that, can we? So, you’ll be moving to Singapore, tomorrow morning flight!”

Teaching course?

Singapore?!
 

I wasn’t going to be in Seoul?  

WHAT?! I can’t believe they’re sending me so far away and I can’t even tell people that I’m Kim Joon Myun, from the rich and upper class Kim household?! I know I disgraced them, but was it THIS bad?! Am I really terrible? Then why didn’t they just ask me to jump off the cliff so they don’t need to ever see me again if I disgraced them that much.

Am I nothing in their eyes?

Anger boiled in my entire body system, I clenched my fists underneath the table until they turned pale white. I was like an erupting volcano.

Except that I know I would never erupt .

Not in front of my parents anyways.

So I bowed to them and said, “Yes, I understand.” Then, I left and stormed off to my room, breathing in and out heavily to calm myself down.

My brother was just going downstairs and saw my pale knuckled. He smirked and said, “It’s all for your own good, they’re doing this in your best interests.” He was so damn annoying, trying to imitate Mother and smearing it in my face. Like I didn’t know that already, I wanted to punch his face so hard. I tried my best to control my feelings and kept a poker face. I didn’t reply him, only bowed at him, before running to my bedroom, locking myself in.

Was it REALLY for your own good?

Or was it for their own greediness,

Their best interests and the fact that they’re being so selfish.

They have so much pride that they have to move so far away.

It probably was. You’re just not suitable for business,

They just want to introduce you to another option.

It’s better this way, Joon Myun…

At least you don’t have to struggle with the business course anymore.

You say it in such a nice way.

They wanna get rid of you, Joon Myun!

Now don’t say that!

Always look on the bright side and be positive!

Don’t ever question your parents, they know what’s best for you.

You must trust what Father and Mother, it’s what they have taught you.

More like brainwashed you…

Joon Myun, you must listen to me, you’ve got to rebel for once.

To show them you can be in-charge of your own life!

Screw the rules and break them for once!

Please listen to me, Joon Myun.

You’ve always been a good boy, so please don’t break the rules and calm down.

Positive, not negative, is the way to be!

And listen to your parents because it is truly for your best interests.

I couldn’t take it anymore. My heart and my mind were conflicting each other and both had their points but they both need to get out of my head now. I don’t want to think anymore, I had so many questions and I wanted to confront my parents about them. I really didn’t know what was right and what was wrong, what should I do now? I covered my face with my two hands and sat on my bed and sighed in despair and frustration.

I wanted to scream.

I wanted to shout.

I wanted to swear.

I wanted to jump off the nearest cliff.

I wanted to push my parents off that same cliff.

But I knew I couldn’t do those things…