//Ting Yi’s POV// It was 6pm in the evening and everything was so awkward. I kept quiet, Joon Myun kept quiet, none of us could say anything. How could I have even said anything to him and acted like everything was normal when he had just lied to me? He just lied in bed all evening and ate his dinner. I would see him looking at me all the time, he felt bad and his stares were apologetic, yet he knew he couldn’t say anything to make it up. I knew I had to leave as soon as possible, not only to get away from this weird, tense and awkward atmosphere, but to also clear my mind and think about everything that happened today. Our relationship is on the rocks, hanging on the edge of a cliff. I didn’t want it to break. I frantically left after muttering a few words but before I could leave, Joon Myun said, “I love you, Ting Yi.”

I love you, Ting Yi.

My mind momentarily froze and his words took a while to process but I found it so hard to say it properly and just mumbled a “Love you, too.” to Joon Myun before leaving as fast as possible.

And I cried all the way home.

As I was crying back home, I was thinking to myself why I couldn’t bring myself to say “I love you” back to Joon Myun. My heart was aching with the lies he told me but I promised myself to be brave and it up. People lie, they’re not perfect and I must accept it so we can overcome this and continue to be together. I want to continue our relationship forever and WU TING YI GETS WHAT SHE WANTS. Okay, I think I’m going crazy…

While I was trying to fiddle with my keys, I was also fighting off my tears, flowing down like a river. I flung the door open and ran in, grabbing a box of tissues before running to my room. I realized that there was no one around and I remembered that Yi Fan was on night shift again today.

The house has never felt this cold and empty before in my life.

I needed to call someone, ANYONE. Anyone, except Joon Myun. I needed to talk and let it all out to someone, except Joon Myun. I decided to call Tao and ask him to come over. He had just finished dinner and he agreed to come over as soon as possible. While waiting for Tao to come, I was listening to EXO’s ‘What is Love’ and I was think in my head constantly: What IS love?

I was about to search the English lyrics for the song but there was a knock on the door. It must be Tao!! I quickly sniffled my nose and wiped away my remaining tears, throwing my tissues away as I walk towards the door to open it. When I opened it, Tao was there with an ice-cream tub and a tissue box. He was smiling at me to comfort me and he must have known that I was sad. Why am I so obvious in giving away my emotions to other people??

Tao walked in and gave me the ice cream tub and placed the tissue box on the coffee table. We went to my room and he asked, “Alright, spill it. Did Joon Myun hurt you? Did he break up with you??” His eyes widened and I just shook my head. I opened the ice cream tub and started to eat from it with my fingers. Tao just looked at me and raised his eyebrows.

“Seriously?” He said. He shook his head and chuckled quietly. I replied, “So what, I don’t have a spoon with me right now. Don’t look at me like that Tao, an actress improvises with the props she has.” I sulked and looked at him. Usually my drama advice, or normally my voice would sound more chirpy but it sounded like I was at funeral.

//Tao’s POV// I don’t think I’ve seen Ting Yi this sad before in a while, ever since what happened with her parents, she recovered from it and I’ve never seen such sadness from her since then. That Joon Myun must have hurt her bad. Ting Yi looks so hurt and sad… I SWEAR if I see him on the streets, I might just hit him with my Wushu stick! Or maybe I could just swing a hit at him with my Gucci bag. Oh wait – NO I can’t do that to my Gucci bag! Okay never mind!!

She looked at me again and said, “I just don’t know what to do now, he lied to me! About his status and his family life. Can’t he trust me with his secrets? I’m an open book! I tell him lots of things and all I get back in return is a lie?!” She sighed and ate more ice cream from the tub. I sighed too, not knowing what to do. I wasn’t a love expert, I didn’t do counseling, but Ting Yi called me and I have to be here for her. I have to try my best and comfort her, because clearly, the ice cream was not enough.

I said, “Look, from what I think, Joon Myun seems like a lying bastard for hiding his secrets. But people have secrets and Joon Myun is hiding from you a huge lie. But, we aren’t going to be like those morons in those Korean dramas that refuses to listen to their side of the story and break up with the love of their lives. We have ranted about this a million times, remember?” She chuckled and said, “Oh yes. Those morons… I won’t be one of them.”

I continued and said, “I don’t know much about Joon Myun but from our lunch date a while ago, I can tell that he loves you very much and that you clearly love him too. I don’t want to see such an amazing and beautiful relationship go down the drain. I’m sure you don’t want that either. Just ask him out on a date and hear him out, who knows? It could be a really interesting story that I would love to hear.” She gasped and grinned at me, saying, “You’re a genius, Tao!!”

“I am? I just learnt all that stuff from Korean dramas and from all the rants we have!” I replied.

She just laughed but sighed again. She said, “But … how do I face him? What do I say to him? Oh my gosh, it’s gonna be so awkward!!!” She buried her face in her hands and she almost screams loudly. Oh gosh, she’s having one of her moments….

I said, “Well… I guess you should… not hit him? Yeah you definitely shouldn’t hit him… If I were you, I wouldn’t take out my Wushu stick and beat the crap out of him. Oh and you shouldn’t slap him when you see him too.” I really didn’t know what to say! Oh my gosh, I am such a failure!!! She replied, “Of course I know that lah, pabo!!! Of course I won’t do that, what happened to that genius brain? Did you lose it or something?”

I chuckled, she was going back to her diva self, all angry at my idioticness…

I replied, “I don’t know!! Korean dramas never show the calm part during a conflict between a couple. There’s just lots of fighting and misunderstanding. I only thought that far, I never bothered to think past that part!” Ting Yi sighed again and groaned. I felt so bad for her, she called me, yet I can’t even give her proper advice!

“I’m sorry I can’t help you, Ting Yi. I’ve just never been in a relationship before myself, I never knew what it was like to date someone. Luhan has experience with this, not me! Maybe I should be the one in China right now, not him. He should be the one by your side and giving you proper advice. I don’t even know anything much about true love and dating apart from watching Korean dramas. I’m sorry Ting Yi. I’m pretty useless, huh?” I frowned and Ting Yi turned to me and rested her head on my shoulder, patting my back.

She said, “No… Tao, you aren’t useless. You’re my best friend and it doesn’t matter whether Luhan gives better advice or who deserves to be a better friend. What matters is that you came and you’re here by my side to listen to sappy, yet crappy, love story and all my problems. You try and help me, and that’s all I ask for Tao. Thank you for being my best friend.” She smiled at me and patted me on the back. In the end, she had to comfort me too, instead of me comforting her! Ting Yi is so sweet, I’m really touched and I THINK I’M GONNA CRY. Okay, stop Tao! You are a man!

We listened to ‘What is Love’ again for a few more times and it was totally silent. Silence is weird. But if that was what Ting Yi wanted and needed, I will just give it to her now. I know she’s thinking about what to do, she’s lost and I can’t help her find her way back, I can only guide her and give her advice. I hope Yi Fan will come back from work soon, Ting Yi needs him too and I can’t stay with her all the time. My parents might just kill me with their nagging if I come back home late… I bit my lip and I looked at her again. She was just staring into space, her eyes were usually filled with a burst of extreme feelings; whether it was happiness, sadness, anger, there was none of it in her eyes now.

She was just … lost. She was lost in the chains of the complicatedness that love could create. Or perhaps a maze that love has trapped her in. Or maybe a Death Eater just the life out of her, but that’s probably the least likely reason why… But if anything, that Joon Myun is the Death Eater!! I should talk to him soon and find out more about him, maybe I could if I knew where he lived, I don’t even have his phone number! Okay, forget it… I should just stay focused on caring for Ting Yi, I don’t want to become those nosy ahjumas! It’ll just do myself and Ting Yi no good to poke my nose into their affairs too much.

//Ting Yi’s POV// It was like I was trapped in a vortex, spinning around with no sound, yet everything was exploding inside of me. It was scary to think of things like that again. I used to just stare into space and I would refuse to respond to people, not even to Yi Fan. When people were around me, I just stayed quiet, like I was just air. That is my way of coping, I guess. That’s the reason why I always keep talking, that’s why I hate the silence so much. But now, I was so absorbed into the vortex of silence once more. When in the matter of fact, I was exploding on the inside. My heart was aching, my guts were wrenching in pain, my head hurt and it was giddy. I felt myself totally shutting down and so, I shut off people around me, including Tao. I knew he was there, but I didn’t bother to acknowledge his existence. I just couldn’t.  It was like a force was controlling me, I could talk to myself in my mind and I couldn’t let it out to others. My pain and suffering were stuck with me and I can’t let it go, I can’t drop it.

This was my burden.

With an idle and silent mind, comes nonsensical thoughts. I couldn’t stay sane.

K L I N M U O Y V N O U I E J Y M I

I  L O V E  Y O U  K I M  J O O N  M Y U N

Y N A K J T O M I Y O N H O Y E I M U

I  H A T E  Y O U  K I M  J O O N  M Y U N

Liar.

Cheat.

Scumbag.

Heartless.

Idiot.

Bastard.

S L U E V L Y I O L O T

I  S T I L L  L O V E  Y O U

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? 

A.N: Hi everyone!!! OH MAI GERDDD I'm back! :D I'm sure no one missed me while I was gone. I just couldn't wait any more so I decided to post this part of the chapter first and post the next part I don't know when. DONT SHOOT ME IM SORRY. School has been very busy and today there was a holiday, happy Youth day to everyone today! :) But I had a friend over so I didn't have much time. I wish I could update more but /sobs the Han river/ I unfortunately cannot do so. I wish I could just tell you guys the whole story in summary but that won't be fun, would it? :( I could but.... But then my next 10+ chapters in the future wouldn't have anymore meaning. Sighs, the life of a student is hard... :( ~fighting~