It’d been a month already since the tragedy happened. Everything didn’t change even a bit since then. Not even Sunny. She had this routine of getting her hopes up just to be thrown down to the ground back in a split second.

That day, she went back to her school in Ansan. Her mother had pursued her to start schooling again with the rest of her friends. Though her worry of Luhan still clouding her mind, she knew she needed to keep on with life and attending school would be some kind of help, hopefully. If only Luhan attended different school.

Her mother parked the car in front of the school gate. Through the black tinted window, Sunny could see people crowding in the school field. Some of them were wearing her school’ uniform and some that looked older must be their parents.

“Mom, I can’t.” she whispered weakly with her head down. She wasn’t ready yet to see the school hall where Luhan used to wait for her. Or to see the table in the canteen where she used to eat lunch with him. There were too many memories of Luhan here and she wasn’t ready to swallow them yet.

A soft yet assuring hold of her mother’s hand on hers and the words of “You can do this. My Sunkyu is strong.” had finally made her stepped her legs to the school area.

One step, two steps, people started to stare at the newcomer. The third and following steps made her heart beating even faster. Until finally she reached the school building, her body started to tremble. She took in deep air into her lungs. There she saw some of her classmates, and even Luhan’s too. Once they noticed her presence, one by one turned to her and gave her apologetic look. She didn’t like it even a bit. She HATED it. Why did they show her that expression? Did they think she would be happy that those people had pity on her? Of course not. However, this only made her guilt slowly seeping back into her soul.

Breathing became a hard work for her as her chest was filled with something dark. Her lips’ shaking and her eyes felt hot. Before those crystals made it to break out of her orbs, a familiar warmness enveloped her body.

“Sunny…” that voice. The voice that she’d never heard again in the last one month. Just then, she heard a sob. She wasn’t the one sobbing. This person was. Sunny then started to broke her dam. She was crying along with that person while hugging the person as tight.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…” the person said with the voice muffled by sobs. No… Sunny didn’t want to hear any of this ‘sorry’ thing.

“Stop it!” she pushed the person one hand away from her body, leaving the latter in shock. She had just pushed someone that she used to hug and share laugh and tears, her own best friend.

Sunny covered her ears as Taeyeon started to speak again. She squatted down with her hands on her ears and tears flowing down her eyes. This looked so pathetic and like a salt on the other students’ wound. In no time, loud and heart-wrenching song of grief was echoing to every corner of the room.

All the students and teachers were directed to the school hall. Some parents were there too. The great room filled with silence. Only some whispers were audible and there was no laugh. Yeah, who could be laughing or even smiling in this kind of event?

On a higher platform, there were pictures standing, surrounded by candles and some flowers.

Among those pictures, she saw that familiar face. It’d been a month since the last time they met but she still could remember every detail of his feature perfectly since he always came to her every night. In her dream.

With baby steps, she walked closer to the platform, holding some flowers in her hand. She didn’t know how she could have the courage to see his photograph again. Moreover, this time his picture had black ribbon on it.

In that photograph, he had his carefree smile and both his eyes twinkling. Sunny laughed in her mind seeing how wide he smiled while here she was, mourning and crying her heart every day and night.

She put the flower in front of Luhan’s picture then took a piece of paper from her pocket. She gave the paper a kiss then put it together with the flowers.

“I miss you.” Her last word before turning her back, only to met a middle-aged woman in her front. The woman smiled creepily at her. Trance of tears were clearly visible on her cheek. Her eyes were red and puffed. It was obvious that the woman had been crying. The woman hugged her. She didn’t know what had just happened. The only words she could comprehend from the woman were “Sunny, I’m Luhan’s mother.”