Let me tell you something. They tell me that dying , but chemo more. I hated the stuff, but still I had to keep getting it every 2 weeks.  Even Satan wouldn't get the stuff that often, but nooo, Ari had to get chemo every 2 weeks.

Dying is easy compared to chemo, trust me.

But in all reality, having cancer is not as dramatic as people think. Life goes on, you know world doesn't stop spinning because you got cancer.

Nothing goes as planned (trust me I didn't plan to get cancer, that would be kind of a poopy plan, don't you think), but you have to keep on living and trying.

At first I was very hopeful, I kept on going to school, and I fought through it. But time passed, my cancer spread, I got sicker and sicker, and chemo started killing me faster than the cancer...then I started losing hope. When doctors don’t tell you anymore that you will be okay, and instead, look surprised that you have survived another round of chemo…then you lose hope.

When you can barely crawl, let alone walk, after said round of chemo…then you lose hope.

And when you watch your family hurt more and more, every second you live, then you wish you could die already.

So when people tell me not to lose hope, wanna know what I do? I smile, and they usually interpret it like me agreeing, but in reality I’m thinking in myself  you idiot, you tell a 18 year old girl that has had cancer for 3 years and is dying not to lose hope? She has already lost it a long time ago. 

On the other hand, believe it or not, there were some good sides to having cancer…well good is kind of stretching it, but what I was trying to say was: not everything is ty 24/7.

So…shaving your head was bad, but now I could wear a different wig every day, and lemme tell ya, they were fun. I looked like Lady Gaga half of the time (kidding, hospital rules ).

Also, I didn’t have to do anything, I could just lie around, read and stalk Big Bang on SNS. Which was way more fun than sitting in school.

I still read a bit of what they did in school, just in case you know, God decided that I wasn’t on the list after all. (But I’m pretty sure my name is engraved on the list, tho.)

I was sitting in the leather chair, feeling the chemo slowly burn it's way through my body, and listened to my sister telling me about her day. She knew that I needed distraction, so she babbled along about what the students at her university did for April's Fool Day, and she talked some more about her new boyfriend, and in the end (when she started running out of topics to talk about) she started talking about what she ate.

In the end I giggled at her trying to cheer me up and distracting me. She was always the only one that could do it

„How are you feeling Ari?“

 “Peachy.” I laughed again, sticking my tongue out. She knew full well that I was feeling like somebody was burning my whole body. I wouldn’t say that it was necessarily chemo making me feel this way, it was more my brain knowing that soon the side effects of the chemo would kick in. Me and my brain, we were a ed up combination.

“Ari… I was thinking of something. Why don’t you make…something like a bucket list? I think it could be fun.” I thought about it, and nodded. I guess she got the idea 2 hours ago when the doctors told my family that I had at best a year left. Like I said, I was feeling peachy.

“Well…why don’t we start?” She said, taking a piece of paper and sitting next to me. I rested my head on shoulder, feeling just a bit tired, and started telling her things to write.

“Hmm…Okay, let’s start. I want to see Big Bang live, I would like to be kissed, but you know the real kind of kiss with hearts beating faster and all that good stuff, I would like to lose my ity…hmm, I would like to visit every continent. What else… I just want to live life to the fullest, not in the hospitals.” I stopped for a second, watching as my sister silently cried as she wrote my words.

I hugged her, kissing her cheek gently.

“Mia…it is okay. Even if I die, you’ll be okay. Just know that I love you.” I said gently, still holding her in my arms.

She leaned in, and took a deep breath before saying:

“I’ll work my but off to make your bucket list come true. Count on that. Even if that means that I have to kidnap Big Bang.” We both giggled to that, and watched as the nurse came in, to remove the IV. I was done with chemo today. That meant I would be throwing up in approximately 2 hours. Fun.

As predicted, my head was in the toilet. I’m telling you I see more the inside of the toilet than the sun.

While I was throwing up, Mia was sitting next to me, gently rubbing my back and with the other hand she was writing something. That something would in the end change my life.

A/N Okay, this is kind of an intro to everything, and there is no cliffhanger… yay! What do you think? You like, or don’t like?

Anyways, Ji will be in the next chapter, love you guys!

Please comment! :D