~Chapter 39 – Built up Walls~

            ‘Emotions are worthless…’ a thought that always replayed in Sehun’s mind as he watched people flit across his line of sight ‘I have no need for worthless things…’

            People continued to pass by laughing, smiling, frowning, grimacing, just showing emotion.

            ‘Pointless…’ Sehun stared on blankly ‘Attachments will always only cause me more pain. So it’s best to let go…’

            Sehun turned his back to the image of people passing; it shattered and fell apart leaving sharp shards behind. ‘Useless…’

            Sehun kept walking in the empty darkness.

            But then came Luhan, Kris, Suho, Chen, Lay, Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Kai, DO, Xiumin, and Tao.

            Sehun paused as he saw Luhan smile brightly at him, calling out as he waved enthusiastically “Sehun!” as the others stood beside Luhan with grins on their own faces.

            It felt inviting, welcoming, and warm.

            Sehun took a step closer.

            Luhan smiled brighter “Come here Sehun! We’re waiting for you!”

            Sehun came close enough to the point where if he wanted he could have reached his hand out and touched Luhan. A thought of doubt suddenly shook his resolve ‘Maybe… Maybe emotions aren’t that worthless after all…’

            Everyone standing before Sehun smiled warmly “Sehun, we’re here for you…”

            Luhan lifted his hand towards Sehun silently offering it to Sehun to take hold of “Everything will be fine.”

            Sehun lifted his hand hesitantly ‘Is it really okay?’

            A shattering voice broke through the darkness “Of course not! Don’t be a fool! I’ll be taking these worthless things from you!”

            It was Sehun’s father’s voice.

            The darkness grew, reaching out to swallow up everyone as they screamed for Sehun.

            “No!” Sehun reached out to grab Luhan’s disappearing hand but was too late as Luhan screamed out.

            Chunghee appeared before Sehun with a serious expression, “Do not hold anything precious to your heart because you know I’ll take it from you forever, just like everything else you’ve held dear to you.”

 

            Sehun woke with a start, his eyes opened instantly as he took in a deep breath, his heart beating rapidly. ‘Nightmare…’

            Letting out a sigh, Sehun lifted his arm to place over his eyes, from how dark the room was he could tell that it was still late and he should continue sleeping.

            The last few words that was uttered by Chunghee ran through Sehun’s mind again and another sigh escaped his lips ‘Yeah I know… That’s why I chose to be indifferent…’

            Sleep soon engulfed Sehun quite quickly once again making him fail to notice the worried eyes lying right beside him.

            Luhan scooted closer to Sehun when he saw the younger fall asleep fitfully again ‘Sehun… I’m here for you…’

 

            It’s been a week. A week since the whole thing went down between Sehun and his parents. A week since Sehun has been unresponsive to anything. A week since Sehun reverted back to his indifference.

            “Sehun! Want to go play in the arcade with me?” asked Kai as happily as he could.

            Sehun only glanced at Kai with a bank expression, uttering a quiet “No,” before heading back to his room and quietly closing the door.

            “Oh,” the smile on Kai’s face slipped off to a frown “Okay… Maybe later…”

            Luhan stepped forward with an apologetic expression and a kind pat on the back “Sorry Kai, I know you’re trying like everyone else is too.”

            “It’s fine, it’s not your fault Luhan so no need to apologize,” replied Kai with a sigh.

            “What happened though?” asked Xiumin as he looked towards Sehun’s room “He’s been acting so... lifeless, I mean we all knew that he wasn’t really all that expressive or anything but now it’s like he’s even worse than when we first met him.”

            Luhan shook his head “Sehun’s just… going through a hard time…” That was the most Luhan could say because this was Sehun’s decision whether he wanted to tell the others or not.

            “At least it isn’t a problem between you two but it must still be something pretty bad if he’s acting like this, I thought he was starting to open up to us more too,” mentioned Baekhyun from the sofa with a worried look.

            “It’s been a week; I’m getting worried, especially if things suddenly become worse for Sehun,” said Suho with concern.

            “That’s true, if Sehun sinks any further in this he might have some kind of break down,” added DO “What should we do?”

            Everyone’s eyes turned to Luhan.

            “Maybe we can tie you up with a bow and throw you to Sehun as a present,” eyed Tao.

            Luhan made a face as he imagined Sehun’s response to it, “No.”

            “I think it’ll work,” chimed in Chen.

            “No,” repeated Luhan giving all of his friends a warning look.

            “Since Luhan doesn’t want to go with that plan why don’t we think of something else,” said Lay.

            “Okay but what does Sehun like anyways?” asked Kris.

            “……” Everyone glanced at each other.

            “Seriously?” stated Chanyeol.

            “Sehun likes Luhan,” chirped up Baekhyun.

            “Aside from that,” said Kai.

            “I’m a ‘that’?” questioned Luhan.

            “You know what I mean,” brushed off Kai.

            Luhan sighed “Yea-”

            Everyone stopped their chattering when they saw Sehun exit the room and without really looking at the others, he walked out of the dorm’s door.

            “Where is he going?” asked Kris.

            Luhan bit his bottom lip as he wondered the same thing, “I’ll go see.”

            Without another word or waiting for a response from the others, Luhan was out the door as well following after Sehun.

            “Sehun! Where are you going?” called out Luhan as he saw Sehun only a little ways down the walkway.

            Sehun paused in his steps allowing Luhan to quickly catch up to him “Kitchen classroom.”

            “Oh, okay,” Luhan tried to smile at Sehun “I’ll go with you; it’ll be better that way.”

            Sehun’s expression remained blank as he replied with a simple “Okay,” before walking towards the classroom.

            Luhan’s smile faltered a bit but he quickly followed after Sehun.

            Walking the more than familiar way towards the kitchen classroom that they shared together countless times was simple enough.

            Walking through those same doors where their friendship grew into something unbelievable was fine.

            Walking towards the very same spot that they had confessed their feelings to each other when things seemed so ridiculously light were the hardest steps because it seemed so far in their memories now.

            Luhan paused in his steps as his eyes locked with the spot while Sehun continued walking not having noticed Luhan had stopped. It made his chest squeeze because of all things he wanted most right now he wanted Sehun back.

            Before Luhan realized what he was doing he called out softly “Sehun…”

            The younger turned to face Luhan wordlessly giving his stoic attention to the older.

            “You’re not alone in this,” Luhan started quietly as he looked into Sehun’s dark eyes “You can tell me anything, I want to be there for you, rely on me too. You’ve helped me so much now it’s my turn so please.”

            There was a silence between the two as Sehun looked at Luhan’s pained expression and Luhan stared back at Sehun’s blank expression.

            Finally Sehun spoke up “What do you want me to do?”

            Luhan swallowed “Tell me how I can help you, tell me what I can do to alleviate the pain even if it’s just a little.”

            “I’m dealing with it just fine,” replied Sehun no longer looking at Luhan as if he was hiding his own shame at how he has been acting.

            “No, you’re not,” Luhan shook his head “Sehun you’ve been having nightmares for the past few days, you’ve been brushing everyone off almost as if you’re afraid to interact with them, and you seem so… lifeless.”

            Sehun stiffened a bit as he turned to face Luhan again.

            Luhan could have sworn he saw pain flash in Sehun’s dark eyes but it was hidden so quickly he couldn’t tell if he just imagined it.

            “This is always how I’ve dealt with it.” This was said monotonously as if it was common.

            Luhan bit his bottom lip “Always?”

            “I am indifferent for a reason,” continued Sehun.

            “Then what is that reason?” questioned Luhan as he took a step closer to Sehun “Tell me so I can understand things better.”

            Sehun kept quiet as Luhan took his hand and looked at him with a pleading expression.

            “Please Sehun,” pleaded Luhan as he slowly wrapped his arms around Sehun’s torso and resting his head on Sehun’s chest “I miss you.”

            “I’m right here though,” answered Sehun, arms still by his side not moving them.

            Luhan shook his head, tightening his arms around the younger “Please.”

            It was quiet between the two before Sehun gave a low sigh, “Fine but it’s going to be long.”

            “I don’t mind,” replied Luhan.

            “Okay…” Sehun took a deep breath “I guess I should start…”

            Luhan nodded.

 

            Sehun was about seven  years old. He was a shy child back then, but he was able to laugh and play freely. He loved sweets, games, reading, and plenty of other things that normal seven year olds loved.

            He also especially loved his aunt Kyuri and even though he didn’t get to see her often; she was always so kind to him, you could say he formed an attachment to her as if she was his second mother.

            “Sehun! You’ve gotten so big!” praised Kyuri as she hugged her nephew.

            Sehun couldn’t believe how happy he was at the moment as he squealed “Aunty!”

            Sehun’s mother Eunmi had just dropped him off at her sister’s house to stay for about a week due to work that Eunmi and Chunghee had to do with a foreign sweets company that hired their services.

            “Okay Sehun be good okay? Your father and I will be back to pick you up in a week,” said Eunmi as she looked at her son who nodded with a happy grin.

            “No worries Sehun is always an angel whenever he’s here,” laughed Kyuri.

            “Okay, well thanks for watching him for us, I guess I’ll see you in a week,” said Eunmi as she began rushing out the door.

            “Yeah see you,” replied Kyuri as she saw her sister disappear out the door. Kyuri gave a huff “Always in a rush, the least she could have done was hug you goodbye Sehun.”

            Sehun looked at the closed door that his mother had walked off through “It’s okay they’re always busy so I don’t mind and I’ll see them later on so it’s fine.”

            Kyuri looked at her nephew and ruffled his hair as the child squealed with protest, giving a small laugh she patted his head “You’re really a good boy Sehun.”

            Sehun’s eyes lit up at the compliment “Really?”

            Kyuri nodded “Yeah, now why don’t we go make some food to eat?”

            Sehun nodded eagerly “Yeah! I’m hungry!”

            Kyuri laughed at her excited nephew “Okay, okay.”

 

            “Your aunt sounds kind,” noted Luhan.

            “She is, she paid attention to me when no one else did, she watched over me often to make sure that I was always okay and doing well,” replied Sehun.

            “You sounded close…” said Luhan quietly remembering back to when he asked Sehun about anyone