He-eo-ji-ji mot-ha-neun yeo-ja,

ddeo-na-ga-ji mot-ha-neun nam-ja

I'm still waiting, for like a lifetime, until she picks up,

until I heard the voice I've been longing for a long time on the other line.

I shouldn’t call her right now,

I shouldn’t let myself carried away onto this direction.

I wasn’t even tipsy, at least I thought so,

“you are drunk, taeng, you should see your face, if your pale face couldn’t went redden before, it will now,”

I leave my half-empty bottle whiskey,

and drag my feet away, at more quiet place,

even that’s mean now I’m on the backyard.

Sunny’s voice just like an echo in the back of my mind.

Faded and long gone

I try to wish with all mighty to get answered,

but the other might, I hope she doesn't.

Sa-rang-ha-ji anh-neun u-ri geu-rae-seo no no no no no no

but,

she does

“yeoboseyo.”

That’s it.

This is the voice I’ve been wanted to hear, merely in these past 5 months.

I tighten my grip on my cellphone,

My feet is starting to trembling,

truth to be told,

I couldn’t live without this melodious voice,

and those halfhearted smile.

And I didn’t reply,

I didn’t even bulge.

I don’t know what diction could make a perfect sense for my situation,

our situation.

“taeyeon?,”

she sounds fragile on the other line,

she sounds scared,

I’ve never heard it before.

She tried to broke the silence, kim taeyeon,

you were the one who should've done it.

don't let her go before you say it,

don't hanging up on her like you did to yourself before,

do it now, whatever it comes,

“sooyeon-aaaahhhh, thank you for picking up.” I tried really hard to sounds cute and sorry at the same time

“taeyeon, are you drunk?,” her voice fragile voice turns to concern,

scared turns to worried,

“no.” I said without missing beep, “maybe a little.” 

And I could hear a sigh at the other line,

“taeyeon, please go home, you never drink until this late, hell, you have never ever drunk before, where are you? who was with you?.”

People say she’s a cold person, but I really don’t think so.

Society said, she’s an ignorant and fake, but they don’t know her better than me.

she still considerete about me, after I put her through.

If there was an ignorant, that’s me. Not her.

“I’m with sunny. But  I want to talk to you,”

I answered while sitting myself on the bench,

i palmed my own face and trying to steady my breath,

if only she knows if i'm out of breath just because of her,

“please give the phone to sunny, I want to talk to her, she needs to take you home, we can talk in the morn…”

before she starts to rambling, I cut her in with my nervous tone,

“I want to talk to you, now, if I don’t say it now, I could never say it and I will hate myself even more.”

After a few seconds, sooyeon finally say a word, after taking her deep breath,

“go on, I’m listening.”

the sound of the night never been this horrified,

the background music still could be heard from outside,

but i feel the silence come creep at me,

the emptiness that has been eating me alive,

I took another deep breath,

after a few good second, i finally come to my senses,

“sooyeon-ah, mianhaeyo, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry for ruining what we had, for ruining our friendship, I’m sorry for ignoring you yet you didn’t know what’s wrong, with me, you, us, and guess what? Everything’s wrong with me,”

and I could feel my voice was shaken up.

I’m holding onto my phone tighter.

The cold wind of December night really giving me a chills.

But I don’t care.

“but you’ve done nothing wrong, you are just so perfect, so pure, you have best intentions at people, you are more like a quiet person, but you have the best shoulder to cry on, you always listen to me, us, members, you never bothered to take a second to wrap your arms around me when I need someone to lean on, when I need someone to hold me.”

“you are the most gullible person I’ve known, you always giving me an impression if you are still so innocent, it’s true though, but doesn’t mean if that’s wrong, it’s totally great to be yourself in these generation. What is wrong with me is…I’m totally in love with you, soo yeon-ah.”

And I just blurted it out,

"you make me falling in love with you, without caring if there is no rope that will hold me."

And there’s the silence that I expected,

But I’m not stopping now

It’s now or never,

“I’m truly, madly, deeply in love with you, I'm so freaking in love with you and I don't know what to do. I don't want to risk what we had but everytime I look at you, I feel my world ready to crumble down. everytime I look at you, it hurts me, it hurts me too bad because I know I can't have you. not at this circumtances, not ever, so I began to ignore this feeling but guess what? it's never gone, it’s always there, just like stupid birds who came at my window every morning and chirping all they want, even if I already shout at them, curse at them, they are still coming back and I'm going to repeat the same schedule to curse at them, but then, it doesn't make them go away, just like these feelings, the feeling is still there and I'm not only hurting myself but also I’m hurting you, I’m hurting the whole group, I’m hurting everyone yet I’m not going anywhere.”

Silence.

But I could hear her shaky breath,

“I came at the dead end now, I don't know where I turn to, except you, I should start to learn to accept these magical feelings, I have to accept it, I want to, I really want to embrace it with an open heart, I don't want to make us miserable like before, I want to feel you my love, I'm ready to face any consequences sooyeon-ah, but I want you to forgive me first.”

Another silence.

“would you be able to forgive me, sooyeon-ah?,”

After a long silence,

"It's too much to asked, isn't it?."

I feel like i'm having a monologue, unless her breath count as her answers,

but then,

I meet with a dead beep.