JACKSON

I am going to the rooftop to relax, when the overheard noise coming from the Literature Club stopped me. The door suddenly opened, releasing students who are still screaming. I saw BamBam hugging Chelle to protect her from the people. 

"Lovebirds, lovebirds!" one of the members shouted and then threw a paper heart to them. "Guys!" BamBam shouted. "So protective," Jr. added. BamBam noticed my glimpse and looked at me as if I'm going to steal Chelle from him. No, he's all yours. I don't deserve her anyways.

I went upstairs to go to the rooftop. It was my favorite place to relax; I bet it's everyone's, too. When I opened the door, I saw Mark and Youngjae sitting on the corner. They smirked at me when they saw me. I ignored them and sat beside Mark.

"I pity you so much." he laughed hard, and that made me punch him. Good thing I don't have energy to punch hard anymore. I'm too weak to.

"Chill," Youngjae said with a worried tone. "You okay?" he said to Mark. Mark nodded.

"Hope you'd get your heart broken too," I hissed and looked away.

Youngjae looked at me from the other side, worried.

"You know what she said to me?" I asked them, but I'll answer my own question. "She told me to take care of Aril. Haha!" I faked my laugh and pushed my head to the dark of my hugged legs.

I can always remember the day I realized it was her.

I texted Aril to meet me at the school garden. I told her it's urgent. 

"Hey," I started, sitting on a swing for lovers. She sat next to me. "I know what's your intention," she half smiled and I was shocked. "Continue." with arrogance, she announced.

"Well yeah." I sighed and fixed how I look. "You know I really love you, but this time, I am not really sure of it." I looked down and gave a glimpse at her. She's smiling.

"I know," 

"So...?" I am waiting for her response.

"I assume this break up would be agreeable and fair for both parties." I hugged her after. On the corner of my eyes I saw Chelle witness us, and slowly went away.

I loosened our hug. "She saw." I am panicking in my mind. She was slowly shaking his head while smiling. "She's all yours, though. You don't have to be afraid."

"It's your fault though," Youngjae looked away. "You never told her you two broke up." 

I smirked and hysterically laughed, pissing myself. "If she really loved me, she'll wait for me." I shook my head, "She never. She chose BamBam over me." my eyes were already in pain. I don't want to cry here.

"Idiot!" Mark shouted. "She waited for you, she waited for 4 years or more! Idiot!" he's already shouting at my face.

I realized how right he is.

I also remember that one time when we slept together on the rooftop; I declined her. For the nth time. 

But that's not the deal there. We had a fight after that, BamBam and I.

" you!" he barged into our classroom. Good thing I am alone.

"What!?" with anger and confusion, I asked.

"!" I can't believe he curses. He really looks innocent and calm. "What have you done, huh?! You can't value her love?" he shouted, holding my collar.

"What do you know? You just transferred!" I shouted and pushed him away. I punched him after in the face, causing his lower lip to bleed. With fierce look, he wiped it and looking angry at me. 

"You deserve nothing!" he punched back in my stomach, causing a great pain. Not only physically, but mentally, too. He's right.

"Love her then!" I said raising my hands, palm facing upward.

"I do!" he yelled. "The problem here is she doesn't love me back, and he's blind for a useless and heartless human like you!" he is breathing in and out heavily.

"Have her, then! Be happy together, idiots!" I left the room without saying a word. 

"You'll regret soon." he whispered, loud enough to hear.

I tapped Youngjae and Mark's shoulder and left. I'll cut classes. 3 hours before dismissal. I'll go home.

I went straight home and hugged my bed. I really miss her everything. Her smell, her presence, her everything. Even the tiniest strand of her hair.

BamBam's words suddenly uttered.

It was a nice day to spend in the grass. I saw him alone and he looked at me coldly.

"Here," he threw a liquid eyeliner that I caught with two hands. "What's the purpose of this?" I said, raising the eyeliner.

"Eyeliners give an illusion that your eyes are big. Big eyes see everything." I can't understand anything, so I raised a brow.

"Wear that so you'll see everything, value what you have before it goes away." he walked away.

I picked up her solo picture that came from her polaroid; it was her holding a cake with a smile.

"Please come to her birthday!" I held her Mom and Dad's legs. I am currently on their office and it's 7PM in the evening. They look really confused and people are looking at us. "Stand up, this is embarassing!" her Mom is kicking the leg I'm holding onto.

"I won't unless you will say yes," they looked at each other, mentally talking and most likely agreeing.

"I really miss you," I said to the photo. I hugged it and looked at the ceiling, seeing the photo of us during her birthday. I pasted it there so I could see it everyday. I don't know if I'll have the power to remove it this time.

Tears fell down.

I really, really want her back. And I am regretting those times when I declined her strong love. I just realized how unconditional it is, and how ignorant I wss before. I feel like an idiot now.

I can't just steal her from BamBam. It's her time to be happy now after all the pain I gave her. She deserves someone better, and that's definitely me. Her happiness can only be sustained by BamBam alone. I can't be selfish.

I could be happy for her, but not for myself. Definitely would not.

I crawled my hands in one of the drawers, searching for something until I found it.

"Guess I should be wearing this Black Eyeliner."

the end.