Chapter 24: No Regrets?

[Chun Hei POV]

Although we are cut from the same cloth, the exact half of each other, completely symmetrical, Chun Jae and I are two very different people. We are yin and yang, north and south, night and day.

She was the type to ruffle my hair to sleep and sing me mellow songs while I’m the type to noisily disrupt her beauty rest with my frequent snoring. She’s the type to stay at home in summer, not flinching while watching the favorite TV drama while I’m the type to take on the jobs of a waitress, dishwasher and saleslady to finance her studies, pay off the debts our parents left us, and sustain our daily living expenses. She’s the type to burn her on the hard and wooden chairs at school, digesting all the information given to her in a silver platter and ace all the exams. I’m the school idiot who’s consistently at the bottom of the paper on the bulletin board at the end of the school year and never failing to get failing marks. What can I do? I have the attention span of a goldfish. We complement each other, we are two pieces that should never be taken apart or the other will cease to exist.

Chun Jae is theoretical and I’m practical. I believe it was me that made her that way. If only I let her learn the bike on her own, if only I let her cook our breakfast just once, if only let her bathe under the rain, if only I let her other hand go, she would’ve learned to live on her own. I was too afraid to let her experience the hardship that I faced when our parents died, I took on all the weight. Now that I remember everything, I know, too, that my sister wouldn’t survive life without me, unless she finds strength in others. But who would give her that? We are orphans, with no known relatives. Since day 1, it was just me and Chun Jae. Now, she’s alone. I left her.

[Author POV]

The worries within Chun Hei is becoming a sink hole; it bores deeper and deeper and it’s impossible to reverse the damage it has caused to her. Now that her memories are spilled back, she’s left with no choice but to decipher the resolve.

The door creaked open and the dragging of the wet soles of the shoes on the floor was resounding. Jonghyun’s home and she decided to keep her discoveries in her pocket. The boy has enough problems of his own to deal with hers.

“Aigoo, I could use a hug right now.” Her boyfriend threw his body on couch. The ends of his pants are damp from the rain and his silver hair, dripping.

Chun Hei gently ruffled his hair with the couch pillow and he closed his eyes. “How’s your noona?” He gave her a toothy smile, the tension on his jaw now completely gone.

“She’s at home. The doctor said she just needs bed rest.”

“Shouldn’t you be there, taking care of her?”

“Umma is there. And besides, don’t you like it that I’m home? I haven’t seen you for more than 10 hours, 10 long hours! I went here to see you, I miss you so much.”

“Jjong,” she lowered her head, avoiding his eyes, “what if one day, I – I just disappear? Would you still miss me?” Jonghyun turned his bloodshot eyes to her, she can almost see the wrinkles on the side of his eyelids disappear, fear and disappointment starting to cloud his stare. And as if it was the best decision he has made so far, he forcefully turned his back against her.

“Jjonggg!” She whined. “You know what I mean right?”

No response.

“Of course I don’t want to leave you. But, just, what if?”

No response.

“Jjong.”

“Then, I’d go after you.” His ice cold words left a painful pang on her chest. No.

“You can’t do that.”

“Go figure.”

“Jjong, promise me you won’t do anything stupid if worse comes to worst.”

“Why are we talking about this? Come here. Sit beside me. I miss you.” She found herself obeying the other, his smirk and soft gaze completely entrancing her to an elated state.

“Look, I only want happy memories with you, Chun Hei. Let’s live everyday as if it’s our last. If any conflict comes in the future, we have nothing to regret.”

As if someone commanded them, both the ghost and the man closed their eyes. His breath was starting to get ragged, his heart picking up an unknown pace that it skips a beat every time his trembling hands try to reach out to the thin air. Instead of pulling away, he never opened his eyes and continued to inch towards the mist that is the face that he longed to see everyday; somewhere inside of him he knew, he was bound to feel something.

Silently, she was saying a little prayer, ‘please, just this once, please’ to the Gods who seemed to be deaf of her pleas in the past. ‘Just this once, give me my own miracle’ she repeated in her head, a mantra, a chant, a wish. As if all the world depended on her, she sent all her spiritual to one place, her heart racing like a sprinter as she does, her face hot and the tips of her fingers, cold as ice.

Three centimeters.

Two.

One.

It was unreal when their lips pressed on each other, his lower lip touching her upper, his head titling for another touch and surprisingly succeeding. His hand which was involuntarily reaching to cup her face, to deepen the kiss, still fails. But the surreal sensation on their lips stayed for almost a while; to Jonghyun, it was nothing like he experienced before, a kiss which is much more than a kiss, as soft as a mallow, a tingling current that connects directly to his soul, a cold, light pressure that fuels his poor heart to beat at maximum speed, a nervous but a raw, un-earthly feeling on his mouth that sent a solitary tear down his face. To Chun Hei, it was Nirvana. As his lips enveloped hers, slowly and obviously longing, she could feel every breath he’s holding back. She felt dizzy, as if floating in space, she returned his gesture with as much passion as he exuded. She could feel the energy draining from her being, feeling chilly everywhere but her lips. Her first kiss. It was perfect. It was only her and Jonghyun in their own world, in each other’s lips, lost and at the same time, home. 

Click!

Their connection broke at the snap of the polaroid camera.

“Wow, you guys actually kissed. Wow.” Kibum couldn’t hide shudder in his voice while waiting for the photo to dry up. The three other guys, crowded up to find out how it looks. The lovers looked at each other’s eyes, mirroring each other’s expressions; a weak, happy smile and tear-filled eyes, completely ignoring their surroundings.

“I love you.” Jonghyun said in a breathy voice, loud enough for only Chun Hei to hear, his lower lip trembling at the release of the words.

“I love you, too.” She answered in all sincerity.

Unlike the smartphone camera, they found out polaroids can capture Chun Hei as if she was not a ghost. That was how the night turned out to be a photoshoot night with their ghost boarder, with Jonghyun occasionally pouting to Chun Hei to have another selca with him when she seems to enjoy taking pictures with everyone but him, leaving the others complaining of what a possessive boyfriend that he is.

While watching Chun Hei exchanging smiles with the other members, Jonghyun finally found out the real reason why he fell inlove with Chun Hei. Not because she was cute when she acts stupid, not because of the adorable ways, not even because of her large, captivating eyes, but because of what she did to him. She saved him, from all the nightmares when he’s asleep and when he’s awake. Through the gentle caresses every night to send him to a deep slumber, Chun Hei slowly freed him from the chains of his painful past, through those gentle ruffles that calms his heart, she unconsciously healed him, replacing his hate with love and optimism, even without encouraging words, the ghost taught him to how to find peace inside him, to let go of the grudges that he has kept for a long time. With her gentle indirect touches was the message that there will always be people who would take care of him, even through his dark times, he is loved. All it takes is to admit the past has already happened, accept it whole heartedly for it made him who he is today, and bask under the love, new or old, that is given to him. He smiled and finally understood. Chun Hei is his savior, his soulmate, his strength. He'd die without her.

The six of them, hung all the polaroids, totalling to almost a hundred, on Jonghyun’s side of the wall. It was almost 1AM when all their hype died down, the lovers left in the guy’s room all alone. The long and tiring day finally took its toll on Jonghyun’s body, him falling asleep through the now familiar ruffles on his forehead. The ghost could tell he was sleeping peacefully, no more nightmares, no more hurt, no more haunting past. She was proud of herself because for the first time for a long time, he was smiling in his sleep.

And then she started crying, a silent, heart-wrenching one.

“Up until now, I don’t regret anything and I never will. I never imagined to receive this much happiness even after death. I know I don’t deserve this. I hope you forgive me, Jjong.” She bent a little to kiss his forehead which made him flinch a little. “I love you, I always will. I hope you won’t regret anything, too.” She whispered in silent sobs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The soft sunshine caught his eyes that made him wince. He was about to yell at Taemin for opening the curtains early in the morning when all of last night’s events registered in his sleepy mind. He found it impossible to control his facial muscles and he immediately broke into the stupidest and happiest smile he had in ages, he could literally hear little giggles from his throat.

“Neko-yaaaaaa~ Where are youuuu?” He called with his cute voice and stretching his arms to the beautiful day that he knows he will have.

“Nekooooo~ Where are youuuu?”He lazily got up and noticed Chun Hei’s phone was on his bed. He looked up to the polariods that they hung on his wall. He was ready to smile but…

..all the other photos they took with Chun Hei, she was not there. The only photo left with her on was the one where they were kissing; the other ones, there were just spaces where the ghost was supposed to be.

He could feel his throat dry. Something tells him that his supposed-to-be-beautiful day will be very, very gloomy.

Author's note: 

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