Chapter 18: Bandages

[Chun Hei POV]

It was sharp and deafening; Jonghyun’s scream resonated through the walls like spears and pierced through my heart. It was a scream of pain, a desperate one laced with anguish and longing.

I sprinted to his room, only to find him close to not breathing because of the intensity of the sobs. I wondered how Taemin sleeps through the noise and when I looked to his side, the kid is wearing earplugs. Wow, what a genius. Wait, so this must happen a lot in the past?

“Oppa? Oppa?! Jonghyun! Wake up!” I’m panicking, why doesn’t he wake up? His sobs are just escalating to screams. I threw a pillow to him, no good. I threw the pencil, his manga, his shoe and finally, the lamp.

“Ughhh.” He groaned.

“Jjong, are you okay? Are you awake now?” He sat up, wiped his tears with the back of his hand and looked at the random things on his bed.

“Yah! Would you care to explain how the lamp ended up on my bed?” He slightly held it up, looked at it and smiled, as if he was expecting me to do such things.

“Eh.. You were crying,” I lowered my head and whispered “and screaming. I was so worried and tried my best to wake you up.” Jonghyun fell silent and dropped the playful mood. It was as if everything came back to his memory and back fired a thousand times.

“Oh.” I sat beside him, in hope to comfort him but made him flustered instead. Was I sitting too close?

“You know, you can tell me everything. Think of me as a wall, tell everything to this wall.” I spread my arms wide. “I won’t tell, I promise.”

After some number of minutes of hesitation and slight confusion, he told me the whole story, of the recurring nightmares for the last two and a half years, of the wounds that heals in the morning but opens up fresh as he closes his eyes, of his struggle to forget and his continued failure to do so.

[C] “What happened after that? After the day you found out?”

[J] “Just the usual.” I squinted my eyes at him.

[C] “What usual?”

[J] “Ugh. It’s awkward talking about it!”

[C] “Oh, c’mon! You’re a talker right?” He sighed.

[J] “Saying I was wasted would be an understatement. This is embarrassing, but I cried everyday and drank everyday. Prank calls to Sekyung were a habit for me; was always begging her to come back, until she got pissed and changed her number. The sole apology I heard from her was from that rainy day, and she never talked to me again. I wrote around a hundred songs, saying how much I love her, how much I detest her, how much she changed me and how she made me void and numb.” Although he’s trying hard to suppress, I can see his eyes getting teary.

[C] “Are you okay? We can stop here if you want.” I wanted to pat his back and gently take his hair away from his face.

[J] “I’m okay. What I was thankful for was that my members were there for me throughout, especially Key. The days eventually became months and I had a break from my depression only when we had a comeback. I buried myself with work. I think that helped but the nightmares never stopped.”

[C] “Do you still love her?” Sigh. I hope curiosity doesn’t kill the lucky cat in me this time.

[J] “I don’t know. But most probably, only 10% left.”

[C] “Ten? Did you forget the other zero?” He gave me an intense stare.               

[J] “YAH! When I say 10, it’s 10. I’m not that dumb in Maths!”

[C] “Whoah. Whoah. Calm down.” I chuckled nervously and he turned serious again.

[J] “It’s not that I still love her as I do in the past. It’s the pain that’s haunting me. She’s more like a hazy memory now, but the hurt and the wounds she gave me, are still far from healing.”

[C] “So, you’re not inlove with her anymore?” My insides are having a celebration and I can’t contain my excitement.

[J] “I told you, she’s just a painful memory. It’s the feeling of rejection and betrayal that’s left in me. I don’t even remember feeling loved by her, not anymore. The love that we once had was replaced by hate and Sekyung feels like an empty shell that caused me too much, I think my brain started to block her off.”

[C] “So, you hate her?”

[J] “Chun Hei, you’re confusing me.” I smiled at him, and he surprisingly, gave me one, too.

[C] “Hihi. Sorry. Continue please. I want to hear more.”

[J] “That’s the end of the first episode. Stay tuned for the continuation.” I tried my best to whine cutely.

[C] “Yah!!! What do you mean?”

[J] “AHHH! I forgot! I’m still angry with you! Bye!” Jonghyun swiftly hid under his covers and turned his back to me.

[C] “YAAAHHH! Come back out!” I tried to pull his covers while laughing.

[J] “NOOO!”

[C] “Come out! Just one second!” He poked his head out and went back again.

[J] “Go away! I’m angry with you!”

[C] “But.. But I still want to know your other stories.”

[J] “Come here every night and I’ll tell you.”

[C] “Hmm, Let me think." And he threw me his pillow.

[C] "Haha. Arasseo. Can’t wait for ‘The King Jonghyun Chronicles’.” I stood up, about to head out, with my heart fluttering in a weird way.

[J] “Yah! Did I tell you to go?”

[C] “But.. but you were telling me to go away seconds ago?”

[J] “Did I? Sit back here for a moment.” And I did. He grabbed the nearest book and slammed it to my forehead.

[C] “What the..”

I was cut off when he suddenly kissed the other side of the book loudly, as loud as my heartbeat as of the moment.

[J] “There. You can go now. Goodnight, Neko-ya~.”

[Author’s POV]

As soon as the door clicked close, as if on cue, Kim Jonghyun and Han Chun Hei, smiled at the same time. And following that was their synchronous, “What am I

doing?”