Chapter 10: Too Good to be True

Am I in heaven?

“I-I’m Han Chun Hei.” While I was stuttering, he reached out his hand. God knows how much I want to touch that. I reached out mine to end up feeling nothing against my palm.

Am I an illusion?

“Aigoo, it’s cold. Hihi” I glanced at Jjong and he looked like a kid excited for his favorite ice cream flavor, looking down on our seems-to-be-touching-but-not-really-touching hands.

Can a dream, dream?

“Is it really?”

“Yes. Like beer straight from the fridge.” And gave me a priceless eye smile.

“Beer is better than me. At least you can touch it.”

“But beer is just temporary happiness… unlike you.” He casually said, while placing a few clicks in his laptop, avoiding the disbelief in my eyes.

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“Haha I was joking. Uh-huh, look what I found. I think I know what you are.”

After recovering from the uninvited, casual flirting, I looked at his laptop screen and saw a page from Wikipedia. ‘Wow, his sources are so reliable.’ I thought to myself.

In folklore and parapsychology, a poltergeist is a type of ghost or other supernatural being supposedly responsible for physical disturbances such as loud noises and objects moved around or destroyed. Most accounts of poltergeists describe movement or levitation of objects, such as furniture and cutlery, or noises such as knocking on doors.

“But, but I don’t destroy things. I can just touch and lift.”

“And you’re noisy.” He snorted.

“Okay, agree.”

“Minus the fact that we can see you, you’d be really levitating and moving objects.”

He kept on reading the whole page and all I did was look at his face and admire his side profile; the sharp edges of his face and the soft contours complement each other so well. I sat too close to him, too close to touch his cheeks, run my hand through his hair and hug him tight. If only I could, I would, but I can’t. I never thought I could be so lucky and unlucky at the same time. Just as they say, some things are too good to be true.

“Hm? Are you spacing out?” He cocked his head in front of my face and I was startled.

“Oh, uh. No, no. But can I ask you a question?”

“Uh-huh. What is it?”

“Do you know me?” Letting go of those words is a double-sided sword, but still, I took the risk. He took a deep breath and tucked his laptop away.

 “Yes, I remember you.”

“Did you purposely, totally ignore me?”

“Yes.” He didn’t even pause to think.

Open your heart to the infinite number of disappointments

“But why?” I asked, completely befuddled by the real reason.

He seemed riled but he still answered, “I just don’t want you to interpret our interactions to be something special; you know how I’m careful about sasaengs.” The entire atmosphere shifted from cute and spontaneous to awkward and unfamiliar.

“And the reason why you kept my gifts in a custom-made box is…?”

“I like the idea and the gifts but that doesn’t mean that I feel the same for the giver.” His words plummeted straight into the depths of me, a bullet to my pride; one cushion less protecting my ego.

“Oh.” Was all I managed to let out from my mouth as soon as he said that. I stood up, nodded and added, “It’s okay, I was not expecting anything though, and I was just a fan.” A little fake chuckle and a slight shake of my head hid the embarrassment behind my expectations.

“Hm, yeah. You know how it is in the industry, right?” I can tell that he’s uneasy and uncomfortable. I’m such a for asking that question. Of course, I was just one of those faces whom he recognizes from time to time.

“Well, you should sleep now. It’s almost 3 AM.” I was slowly starting to get away from his bed, wrapping up all my courage to force a more natural smile.

“Ne..” He said in a low and lazy voice, without looking up from his macbook; like nothing happened. And by that, I conclude that Jonghyun’s mood is a roller coaster, totally unstable, unpredictable and impossible to read.

I closed the door with the new born slump on my shoulders. ‘Doesn’t mean I feel the same for the giver’ summed up all my false assumptions and got my high hopes hit the ground hard; a series of events brought everything up in the sky but a few words were its gravity. I’m a mere fan. Even if I’m here, in the very place where he is, I can never reach him.

Clatter. Clatter.

Someone other than SHINee is in the dorm!

A sasaeng? The sound is coming from the kitchen. Should I scare whoever that is? Should I test my ghost skills? I need to let out this small pinch in my heart; a little fun scare won’t hurt.

Like a ninja, I swiftly and quietly got into the kitchen, with all my hair covering my face and my hands up front, like the zombie dance step in WSS. I saw the fridge open and someone was scavenging the boys’ food. This is unforgivable.

“Wah.” I made it as low and as whispery as I can.

It’s been two and a half seconds but all I hear is liquid tapping on the floor. I opened through my hair, like a curtain.

Onew was standing in front of the fridge, holding a carton of fresh milk on his right hand and a bag of doritos clipped on his side. In excessive shock, the milk he just drank is spilling from his mouth and slowly wetting his socks.

“Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!”

He’s just the bowl of sunshine that I needed.