Confused
Guilt and Forgiveness
"That's the gym," Gui Gui said, and pointed to a big building a little away from the building with classrooms.
"We don't have much P.E., and when we have, it's only about some of those shot-down crazy guys flipping out at each other," she continued.
After last class ended, Gui Gui started guiding Aaron around the school. She had only been there for two weeks, but was already familiar with the surroundings.
Aaron couldn't stop looking at her. He somehow wanted to run away, and still thought of her as a kind of ghost - her name only made it worse - even though he knew she was just the twin sister of the girl he... he couldn't even think the word "murdered", nor say it.
"What was your sister's name again?" he asked, still looking at her.
Gui Gui got tears in her eyes.
"Why do you keep on asking about that stuff?! I miss Emma so much, she was my dearest sister and friend, and we shared everything, and I..." She couldn't talk more, as she started crying. Aaron didn't know what to do.
"I didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry!" he quickly said, knowing that it sounded false.
"I'm used to people asking. The psychologists do it all the time. It's just..." She sniffled. "It's just hard to forget."
"Maybe you shouldn't forget it. Maybe you should try to live with it instead," Aaron said. How could he say that? He couldn't even do it himself. The definition of applying double standards.
"You may be right. But I can't live without my sister," Gui Gui said, and sat down on a bench, still sniffling. Aaron sat down next to her.
"I'm so glad I met you. All the others here are either insane or indifferent to everything. Some have even done crimes, and are here for therapy. I sometimes feel insecure, especially in the start, but now I'm becoming used to it. It will get better when I can talk to you." Gui Gui leaned her head to Aaron's shoulder, probably only to find support. She didn't cry anymore, but closed her eyes with a sigh. Aaron didn't know what to do.
A month ago, he murdered a girl. Even though it was not on purpose, and he was pushed to it, it was still his fault. And now he sat with before-mentioned girl's twin sister leaning on his shoulder. How he hated himself.
Gui Gui opened her eyes.
"Why do you stare at me that way?" she asked, with a teasing look in her eyes.
"Huh? I..." Aaron started, but didn't know how to continue. He used one of his old lines.
"I just like your eyes," he said, without emotion, as he didn't have any left in him. It felt weird to say after such a long time not using it. He used to say that twice a day.
Gui Gui looked surprised, and sat up again.
"Oh... Then - I like your eyes too. They have a flash of sense and aliveness that I'm not used to in this place." She smiled tricky.
"Let's go, there's still a lot I want to show you!"
In the afternoon, Aaron sat in his room and thought about how the day had been. No, that would be a lie. He thought about Gui Gui.
His feelings couldn't be more mixed; On one hand, he really wanted to run away every time he saw her. She reminded him of what he wanted to forget the most, and made his mood bad. At first. 'Cause on the other hand, he felt free and light when being around her. She didn't blame him for anything, and wasn't a rotten shrink asking him non-stop why he was silent. Of course she didn't know what he had done, but she didn't ask.
He spent the rest of the evening thinking about if he would answer IF she asked.
"We don't have much P.E., and when we have, it's only about some of those shot-down crazy guys flipping out at each other," she continued.
After last class ended, Gui Gui started guiding Aaron around the school. She had only been there for two weeks, but was already familiar with the surroundings.
Aaron couldn't stop looking at her. He somehow wanted to run away, and still thought of her as a kind of ghost - her name only made it worse - even though he knew she was just the twin sister of the girl he... he couldn't even think the word "murdered", nor say it.
"What was your sister's name again?" he asked, still looking at her.
Gui Gui got tears in her eyes.
"Why do you keep on asking about that stuff?! I miss Emma so much, she was my dearest sister and friend, and we shared everything, and I..." She couldn't talk more, as she started crying. Aaron didn't know what to do.
"I didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry!" he quickly said, knowing that it sounded false.
"I'm used to people asking. The psychologists do it all the time. It's just..." She sniffled. "It's just hard to forget."
"Maybe you shouldn't forget it. Maybe you should try to live with it instead," Aaron said. How could he say that? He couldn't even do it himself. The definition of applying double standards.
"You may be right. But I can't live without my sister," Gui Gui said, and sat down on a bench, still sniffling. Aaron sat down next to her.
"I'm so glad I met you. All the others here are either insane or indifferent to everything. Some have even done crimes, and are here for therapy. I sometimes feel insecure, especially in the start, but now I'm becoming used to it. It will get better when I can talk to you." Gui Gui leaned her head to Aaron's shoulder, probably only to find support. She didn't cry anymore, but closed her eyes with a sigh. Aaron didn't know what to do.
A month ago, he murdered a girl. Even though it was not on purpose, and he was pushed to it, it was still his fault. And now he sat with before-mentioned girl's twin sister leaning on his shoulder. How he hated himself.
Gui Gui opened her eyes.
"Why do you stare at me that way?" she asked, with a teasing look in her eyes.
"Huh? I..." Aaron started, but didn't know how to continue. He used one of his old lines.
"I just like your eyes," he said, without emotion, as he didn't have any left in him. It felt weird to say after such a long time not using it. He used to say that twice a day.
Gui Gui looked surprised, and sat up again.
"Oh... Then - I like your eyes too. They have a flash of sense and aliveness that I'm not used to in this place." She smiled tricky.
"Let's go, there's still a lot I want to show you!"
In the afternoon, Aaron sat in his room and thought about how the day had been. No, that would be a lie. He thought about Gui Gui.
His feelings couldn't be more mixed; On one hand, he really wanted to run away every time he saw her. She reminded him of what he wanted to forget the most, and made his mood bad. At first. 'Cause on the other hand, he felt free and light when being around her. She didn't blame him for anything, and wasn't a rotten shrink asking him non-stop why he was silent. Of course she didn't know what he had done, but she didn't ask.
He spent the rest of the evening thinking about if he would answer IF she asked.
***
GuiLun moment(s) 8D
Hope you still like it, and will keep on supporting.
Thanks for all your comments, it encourages me to write more ^^,
I'm sorry I don't update that fast. But I really appreciate all your comments. Really.
GuiLun fans, I can recommend my friend's fanfic "Love's Melody" - www.winglin.net/fanfic/Gril4Life
In next chapter Jiro may appear, and maybe S.H.E...
Hope to see you again asap - Blitz
Comments