Review: morning_glory @ Artsy Asian Crew
Guilt and Forgiveness
Title: Guilt and Forgiveness
Author: Blitz
Reviewer: morning_glory
Title 4/5 Your title is unique, and doesn’t have any love title to it, so it’s possible that I would click on it. The title is a bit too straight-forward, though. Your title does represent the theme of your story, the whole point, so that’s good.
Forewords 8/10 Your forewords are pretty well written, you included teasers, a short summary, and a list of the characters.
Plot 14/20 Your plot is definitely mystery, romance. The overall plot wasn’t too bad, but the fact that you restated so many times that Aaron felt bad about Gui’s sister was a bit too much.
Originality 4/5 This plot is quite different, I have read very few mysteries, and few that start out so dramatically.
Grammar/Spelling/Transitions 13/15 There were minor errors, but for the most part, those could just be editing errors. Try to spell-check or something before posting it, that would help.
Flow (speed of the story) 5/10 The story drags a bit at the summer camp and at the special school; and then you rushed the ending.
Choice of words/Idiom/quotes 7/10 Your choices of words were simple, and straight to the point. There could be more descriptions, though; in some places, you were a bit too direct. More embellishment would be good. :)
Details/Settings/Characterization 8/15 You did your best bringing the characters to life, but I don’t really feel Aaron’s feelings, his thoughts. I would like to feel more of Gui Gui, and Jiro; but I can’t really get a feeling from them; so work on that.
Enjoyable? 7/10 It was ok; thanks for writing a good story!
Over All Score 70/100
Author: Blitz
Reviewer: morning_glory
Title 4/5 Your title is unique, and doesn’t have any love title to it, so it’s possible that I would click on it. The title is a bit too straight-forward, though. Your title does represent the theme of your story, the whole point, so that’s good.
Forewords 8/10 Your forewords are pretty well written, you included teasers, a short summary, and a list of the characters.
Plot 14/20 Your plot is definitely mystery, romance. The overall plot wasn’t too bad, but the fact that you restated so many times that Aaron felt bad about Gui’s sister was a bit too much.
Originality 4/5 This plot is quite different, I have read very few mysteries, and few that start out so dramatically.
Grammar/Spelling/Transitions 13/15 There were minor errors, but for the most part, those could just be editing errors. Try to spell-check or something before posting it, that would help.
Flow (speed of the story) 5/10 The story drags a bit at the summer camp and at the special school; and then you rushed the ending.
Choice of words/Idiom/quotes 7/10 Your choices of words were simple, and straight to the point. There could be more descriptions, though; in some places, you were a bit too direct. More embellishment would be good. :)
Details/Settings/Characterization 8/15 You did your best bringing the characters to life, but I don’t really feel Aaron’s feelings, his thoughts. I would like to feel more of Gui Gui, and Jiro; but I can’t really get a feeling from them; so work on that.
Enjoyable? 7/10 It was ok; thanks for writing a good story!
Over All Score 70/100
***
Thanks for the review :) this was after all my first fanfic, so I didn't expect much...
If you miss something to read, you can try my fanfic (which is actually an Advent Calender, as I post a new chap every day until Christmas) "A Christmas Dream": /ChristmasDream
Thanks for all the comments :D
- Blitz
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