Of course every second is unbearable. 

The moment I heard her scream and finally returned home to her bleeding body, it was unbearable.

And now, it still is. 

Honestly, count that ing Lee Joonkyung lucky. If it wasn't for her last words for me, asking me to promise to live safely and not put myself in danger, I wouldn't have let him off that easily. Jerk like him shouldn't even deserve the right to be put behind bars. He should perish and burn in hell. 

But I know. I know in this world, nothing is fair. 

If there's fairness, Lee Joonkyung wouldn't still be alive and kicking inside prison.

If there's fairness, Yoona wouldn't have die...

Within days after sending my best friend off, I had to watch the love of my life burning inside the incinerator with my eyes. I didn't cry. I did not even flinch. I knew Yoona wouldn't want to see me crying for her. No one ever mentioned her in front of me after the funeral. It was like her name was the forbidden word. I began to drown myself in sorrow every single day, trying to minimise the pain in my heart. The day where Dok2's case was on trial, I finally washed up and headed to the court with the others. They were shocked at my sudden behaviour but did not dare to confront me. I was cold and expressionless throughout the entire trial and finally the verdict was passed. 

Lee Joonkyung was put behind bars for the rest of his life. 

Instead of killing him with my bare hands, I handed all his wrongdoings that me and Youngbae had collected for the past few years and handed to the police and with enough evidence of him employing mecenary to have Yoona killed. Everyone gave a pat on my shoulder, as though wanting to tell me that Yoona didn't sacrifice her life for nothing.

I begged to differ. 

We walked out of the court and happened to see him coming out, being held in custody by the police, preparing to be send to jail. Everyone thought I was fine because I showed no expression. But when we got closer to him, upon realising that no one was noticing me, I launched towards him and waved a hard punch across his face, taking everyone by surprise. Before the police and the others could react, I gave him a few more harsh punches and kicks until I was being pulled away.

"Too bad I couldn't go down to accompany your beautiful wife. Such a pity that she'll be all alone down in the cold, eerie place~ Maybe a few other guys would see her and accompany her?" The ing bastard was helped up by the police but he kept that sickening smirk as he spat. 

I was enraged with his sentence and wanted to launch forward again to punch his sickening face. How dare he insult my wife!?

But I was totally held by Seunghyun hyung, Seunghyun and Daesung. I couldn't even reach forward for more than 5 steps. I could only grit my teeth in anger.

"Let go!" 

I bellowed but still, the grip didn't let loose. However, someone stepped forward and walked towards that bastard, giving him a stinging slap across the face. 

"She wouldn't be down, she would be up. Up in the sky together with the angels." It was Yuri. Even though she had her oxygen supply with her and looked pale, the vibe that she gave off was intimidating. "You, will be down. Down in the darkest level of hell, forbidden to even reincarnate. Such bastards like you don't even deserve to reincarnate. I pity the one who's going to take over your body or the body whom you're going to take over. Either way, both of you are going to rot in hell. Don't worry, Joonkyung-sshi, or should I call you Dok2-sshi? Or no. Doggy suits you better. Doggy, rest assure. You won't stand behind those metal grates for long. We'll appeal. I'll make sure you'll be sent to hell soon." 

Everyone gasped; I smirked. Even Lee Joonkyung was taken aback as he stared at her. Me and Yuri got off with police's warnings for hitting the criminal but other than that, it was fine. I looked at Yuri who smirked. 

"How's that for a mafia lady boss?" 

For the first time ever since Yoona died, I smiled. 

★★★★★

I finally pluck up enough courage to return home. Ever since that day, I dreaded coming home. What's the point of comine home when I know that I'll be all alone, without her around? It's no longer home. It's just a house. 

Honestly, I hadn't thought of her smell since she died. I was afraid to. I was afraid that the moment I think about it, I would feel breatheless and would want to take my own life away to join her. I couldn't because that's what I had promised her; to live safely.

But when I opened the door, I caught the edge of her scent: the vestiges of vanilla and strawberry. She flooded into my present, and only tact kept me from burying my face in the pile of dirty laundry by her dresser.

It looked as I remembered it: hundreds of books stacked against the walls, her favourite lilac comforter that was crumpled at the foot of our bed due to our intimate nights, her lavender-scented candles that's just peeking out from beneath the bed; one that she took out to light it whenever we made love. It looked as I knew it would, but the smell, unmistakably her, shocked me. I stood in the center of the room, my eyes shut, inhaling slowly through my nose, the vanilla and strawberry, but with each slow breath, the smell faded as I became accustomed to it, and soon, she was gone again.

"This is unbearable, yeobo," I smiled bitterly as I picked up the photo frame sitting on the dresser. "I tried to forget. But it didn't work. I stepped into the streets, attempting to get back to my life, or perhaps get a girl in bed with me through the night but I ended up sneaking right back the moment I stepped out. I couldn't find someone who