Nana

I exit the room, and head towards the emergency stairs. Running up the stairs, my shoes clang against the stair rims and echo down six floors. Pushing the door open to the rooftop, I’m blasted with freezing cold wind, pebbles crunch underfoot as I venture to the edge of the roof. The hospital faces the ever-expanding city of Seoul and the yellow and orange lights flicker on and off, with only the roads remaining constantly lit.

I look up at the dark sky littered with millions of stars, hearing the voice of the person that had made me run from my home and family, recite our pact.

Under the stars we stand, together and always, burning brighter than any star.

A tear slowly leaves my eye, as I continue to stare up at the stars. I guess we were never meant to be. I had fallen for someone who was already taken, I thought that he would leave her for me, but he didn’t. My heart hammers in my chest, and I start to crumble, slowly sliding down the wall. The tears choked me, as I succumbed to my sadness. Tears flow relentlessly; making the wind seems like a snowstorm as it blew across my wet face.

I gasp, as air refused to enter my lungs, tears continuing to drip down my face. What did I do to deserve such a fate? Pulling my knees to my chest, I suppress the hiccups as I calm down. So what if I ran away, at least I can be happy now. That man did nothing but hurt me, but at least I can heal here. Remembering back to the first day I met Suho, the look of despair that flashed across his face I recognized. One of heartbreak, but there was nowhere for him to run. I had run thousands of kilometers rather than face my heart, and tried to fill the hole that that man left behind.

Shoving my hands into the pockets as the wind continued to blow, my hands brushed against a piece of paper, reminding me of Lay’s note. I take it carefully out of my pocket and begin to unfold it, crease by crease. Opening up the piece of paper to see his handwriting yet again, I re-read his message. I finally realize that it doesn’t really matter about the past, but it’s the future that I should be looking forward to. Lay was one of the most warm hearted people that I had met while living here in Korea, he was someone who would make me smile unconsciously even on my worst days.  

Holding the paper in the moonlight made me realize that it wasn’t normal paper. A silver glint could be seen from the other side of the letter, straightening the paper out completely on the floor of the rooftop, the moonlight showed me a hidden message.

‘A never-ending happy ending, happily ever after
I will trust you, protect you and comfort you
I will be on your side
I will never leave your side’

Lay

For the five-hour trip I pretended to be asleep to avoid Tao annoying me, but I was far from resting peacefully.

Had I read her wrong? Did she not like me?
 

No, maybe she just didn’t get to read the letter in time?

I looked at the window of the airplane, as the clouds drifted past, and formed a solid blanket underneath the plane. The moon hovered right above the clouds, casting a bright light across the soft white clouds, illuminating it so that it was as bright as day.

The whiteness of the clouds in the moonlight contrasted the black sky littered with millions of stars, twinkling in their own might. I wondered if she saw the poem that was hidden in the paper. Breaking my thoughts, Tao snored next to me, and turned in his sleep. I closed me eyes, hoping for some rest before we touched down, but my mind kept turning back to the day she heard about Suho’s incident.

I had watched her closely, and the hurt that I often saw in Suho’s eyes when he looked at Tae, I saw in hers. I had decided from that day forth, that I would do all that I could for her.

Making her smile.

She was very shy, though she didn’t remember my name until a couple weeks later; I found that she sought for my help with other members more often. That had been satisfactory for me then, but I wanted more, as selfish as it sounds.

We were still 8 months out from our final evaluations, but I had already started to question whether I still wanted to be to debut. I had come here all the way from China after I was recruited with a solid mindset of debuting onto a world stage to prove to my parents that I was worthy of their attention.

My grandma’s last words as I headed towards the depart gate were ones that I had kept with me these past few years.

“Make your parents proud, prove to them, that you are indeed worthy of their attention, but never forget that your happiness comes before getting approval”

I had indeed left China to prove my worth to them, but I soon realized that I enjoyed dancing, the training, and routines, and the friendships I had formed with this crazy bunch of people who enjoyed endless hours of practice.

Should I give that up for love?

I wasn’t completely sure. I got up quietly from my seat and headed to the toilet. As I returned to my seat, someone grabbed my arm. I turned in alarm as the cabin was quite dark, and I could barely make out anyone’s face. It was Luhan, and he patted the empty chair beside him.

I complied, knowing that sleep was not going to find me on the plane. Pulling one of my earphones out I handed it to him. He took it and plugged it into his own, before silence stretched between us. His window was still open, and light flooded in from the rising sun, the clouds a rich golden yellow instead of the white and blue from earlier.

“Gege” I asked in our mother tongue, “Are dreams more important that love?”

He doesn’t reply, nor give any indication that he’s heard. Just as I was about to repeat myself, he turns to me and says,

“If dreams are about something you strive your whole life to achieve, that you would sacrifice everything for, and are maintained with constant attention and hard work, then what is love?”