‘Dashi nugu sarang-haji anil gol ara..cause I don’t wanna let you go, na giok seo ge seo..naega monu yeonghwa seogi chui ongon cheorom..nae sarang hado geu tero, dorawa-jwo..’

His voice awakened me, sweetly in his “Like a movie” song. I turned off my alarm and I started to miss his voice already. Stupid me, how could I think of my oppa like that. I get off my bed, grab my towel and start walking towards my bathroom. Took a bath, and get ready to go to class.

I’m thinking while walking to bus stop near my house; about my relationship, Byunghee oppa, and my late night conversation with Minjun Oppa. Everything happened to me recently has cost me all my energy. It almost drained my life out of me. What should I do?  Should I get back to him? Should I dump him for good? Do I still love him? Do I really willing to let him go? Will this not repeat again? Too many questions yet there’s no answers. I shook my head. I hop on the bus that will take me to my college.

I buried myself with busyness so that I won’t think about him.  I diligently take notes in each of my classes. Practice double hard from my previous usual practices; sincerely, deeply hoping that everything will wash away. Cleared up my mind and help me to make a better, best decision in fact. However I still can’t decide what is best for all of us. It has been 2 weeks since I live like this.

Byunghee oppa is trying his hardest to make up to me. In these 2 weeks he never failed to make my heart happy. He keeps accompany me every night when I do my revision. He helps me with my studies. Help me improve my vocals and practice. He even gives me know-how to control my vocal and how to sounds better when singing higher notes.

He treated me well. Better than before. I loved him, I still love him but did he love me? How should I know? All this questions dancing in my mind, refuse to go away. Damn. I hate this. 

I woke up today with a new hope. I've made my decision. And I really hope this one can bring back my happiness. I've had enough with all of moping around. I guess people around me also had enough of my misery. I really should put an end to this.

I pick up my beloved purple Sony experia and start dialing the numbers I had known by my heart. Hope he'll pick up. I really need to settle this things.

One ring...two rings..three rings.. 

Why hasn't he picked up my calls yet. Urghh, why must he makes me doubt my already made decisions? I made mental note to slap him later on.

I get down from my fluffy bed and grab my towels. I need my bath cause I got class in 2hours. I need to hurry if I want my father to drop me off. All of sudden I don't have the mood to take public transportation today.

I managed to get ready in 15 minutes, which considered fast; get downstairs and have breakfast with my parents and my dad drop me off at my college.

I still waiting for him to return my call. However, there's no call from him even after I have finished all my classes for today. And damn him. Because of him I can't even concentrate in my favourite vocal class.

I hate him, yet I still wait..and i wait. Time flies and still no calls from him. So I decided to give him a nice surprise. I went shopping to get the best attire. I really want to give him a surprise.

After two and half hour going round the shopping complex, i finally found what i looking for. y elegant yet still modest dress. I dont want to look like a . I went back home took a refreshing bath and get ready. I put as natural make up as possible but enhanced on my eyes features.

He really loves my eyes, he told me once. So i really would like to make him happy. I still have his apartment key so my plan will be a big success. I borrowed my dad's car and drive to his place. I park at the basement and slowly walk into the lift. I push the button to his level and waits patiently as the lift move upwards slowly.

I open the front door and walked into the house. His house is neat considering it is occupied by 5 men. It is so quiet it makes me wonder did he busy practicing all day? Is that is why he couldnt return my call? Sudden I felt a pang of guilty cause bad thoughts is all that fills my mind since the morning.

I step into his shared with Cheondung bedroom and look around. He's neat enough. I do love someone whose capable of keeping themselves and their houses clean. I couldn't tolerate messy people. In fact I really really hate them.

I shrugged myself from my inner thoughts when I heard loud noises from front door direction. I sit at the edge of the bed and waits patiently for him to come to me;to his room actually. He didn't have even the slightest idea that i am here, patiently waiting for him.

I don't really understand what happened cause the next thing I know I slapped his cute face really, really hard, I kneed his groin with all my might and I kick his ;literally. I really dissapointed with him. But I dissapointed in me even more.

I really hate my weak heart. I hate all of this.

And the next day, I am on the plane. Fly to Los Angeles where my granny and grandpa are. I really seriously need a getaway and a little bit peace right now. Unfortunately the one and only place I know can give me my peace is somewhere far..far away from all the things I love. I need it though. I need it badly in order to heal my heart