She’s all I can think right now. I know my decision to stay away from her will hurt me, and her. But this is the best and the least I can do to help her realize what she has been feeling right now.

Dependency is certainly not what I expected to gain from her.

Well, I’d be lying if I said I am not happy when she asked me that question. My conscience however took over me from letting my feeling towards her cloud my judgement and enable me to make execute this hard decision, most likely impossible to be done. The only thing that keeps me going is my super power.

Haha. I am joking. I am sorry guys. What I really mean is my super self conscious that always let my mind control my body. Not succumbing to what my heart feels.

I am trying hard to let her try for the last time with Byunghee, as I saw Byunghee sincerety to get her back and make her happy. And, judging from Ailee’s love for him I think, this is the best for everyone. Except me, that’s obvious.

However I am willing to in order to make her happy. With my power of mind control, I am confident I can educate my heart well. In the meantime, I’ll transfer my pain into poems, songs and any other things that can be done. What more can I say, experience is the most valuable teacher.

Currently, I am busy working on our 2PM concerts, upcoming world tour and I just finish musical performance; The Three Musketeers. How I hope I really have the courage, just like my character in the play.

I am quite satisfied with my life right now though. Every little emotion that I felt make me feel alive, like I am a human being; an ordinary one.

“Hyuuunngg~~”

I heard a familiar voice, calling for me while I am swimming through my deep thoughts. Aishh, this kid gonna get it from me. why did he disturb my sweet thinking time?

I turn myself to see Chanana hopping towards me. He stops right in front of me with his doe, big eyes and huge grins on his face.  

“What are you doing here, alone, hyung?” he grabs my arm and swings it back and forth, and asks me.

“I just want to spend some sweet time alone. Wae? What happens?”
I ask him back.

He just smile radiantly, I swear if right now is daytime, the sun would be embarrassed because his smile simply outshine the sun.

“Nothing’s happen. I just come to drag you to have fun with us. We’re going to club tonight and have a little drinks.” He said lightly.

“Yah!! Ever since you’re not underage anymore you’ve become more bold aren’t you? Who says you can tag along huh?”

I try to nag at him.

But, he being Chansung just grab my wrist and starts walking. Well, I can see he’s determined to have fun as a group tonight. I wonder if there’s any special occasion.

We stop just in front of the club they have been escaping from us from wild bunny filming. I just froze there. What this mean?

“Solma~~… Maldo andwae… Yah! Don’t tell me he’s here?” I ask, walking inside the club.

My head turns and I scan through the area, thoroughly. I don’t want to miss him again.

I have missed my chance to meet him face to face before.

Supposedly on Immortal Songs, sadly, I just know the fact after it happens. No wonder 2PM have sudden schedule that weeks. Jin young hyung has been trying to keep us apart.

Well, I guess he has no determining power since it is our free time right, not our working time.

And I stops searching when I see a familiar figure. Height is not his best quality, however, that dance. Only he can pull that off.

“Yah, ee-jashik!!”

I yell in my excitation. When he turns, I can see more clearly, his face, and he smiles at me. There also Taec and Khun at his left, while Woodong on his right and Junho just across him.

They all smiles and I dash towards them and without having to be told, Chanana hopping behind me, following me.

We do group hug, and magically it feels so right, feeling so belong with each other and once, in a very, very long time, this group feels completed.

How I miss those good old times.

“Park JaeBum! The great Park JaeBum! Finally! I have been missing you so much here. err, correction. Allow me, WE all miss you so much. How come you not contact us after leaving? And you dare to call yourself leadja? Huh? Huh?”

I scold him.

He has his regret face and looks at me, right into the eyes. He hesitates at first but then he embraces me. His hug made me feel like I don’t have to carry those heavy burdens on my shoulder alone anymore. As if he trying to tells me that he’ll be there to share the responsibility.

As much as I want to believe it is true, but still we of all people should have known better. He’s happy with his way right now. He’s successful enough as a solo singer. Why would he leaves all that and return the him in the past?

Well, if it’s good enough for him, it is good enough for me. Now, we’ll just be brother. Even though not member brother, still, brother always brother. It is too precious to be thrown away. We all know how deep the bond created between us; Oneday.

We take a sit at our group table, talking, drinking, laughing, reminiscing the good old times and without we realize, it is time to say goodbye. This is rare opportunity and I don’t want to let him go.

We take our separate ways after we bid goodbye.

I can’t really sleep so I go to the kitchen, boil some water and prepare a hot green tea. I add some honey together with the tea, for the sweet and for my health. Honey is good for your throat and your body.

I am taking my sweet time drinking that delicious Ho-reen tea when I saw Khun walking toward me.

“Can’t sleep?” He asks.

I just nodded and he take a sit on a stool beside me.

He leans his head on my shoulder and silently asks me.

“Did you finally forget her?”

“Why are you asking?” I return his question with another one.

“Just, you’re more focused in our practices, you follow your schedule well, and it seems like you have no problems,”

He answers me, but I can sense that there’s not only his answer will be. So, I asks him again,

“But..?”

“………, but?” he asks me back.

“Your answer just now, it is not end there was it? There a continuation to your sentence am I right?” I explain to him when he seems confuse with my “buts”.

So, he nods. Hesitantly, quietly, almost inaudible, he makes a sentence.

“You seem okay, without problems but you don’t look happy. It looks like you just living your life without enjoying it. It almost seems like you’re a robot you invented to replace yourselves, living your life, while you, the real you hide. So, I need to know do you really okay?”

I just smile, faintly. There’s a reason why he’s the brain. He’s good at reading people. Most of people I need to confront with didn’t even realize I have been putting upfront. He’s too good for his sake. Sometimes I pity him. Because of his sensitivity over others make him worries about others a lot more than other member. I am not saying they are ignorant, but they really slow sometimes.

“I am trying to be okay Khun. But right now, I think it is safer for me to hide behind this mask I created. And it is best for the group also. And I know you’ll always be there when I need you. Don’t worry. When I think I need to lessen my burden I’ll come find you okay?” I assure him.

“Honestly, she’s the only thing that fills my head right now.” I stated as a matter of fact.

“Well, it will go away hyung. Be strong okay?” he encourages me.

He takes a sip of my tea because he’s too lazy to pick a cup and pour some for himself instead. I just laugh at his attitude.

“I am not lazy hyung. I just want to taste how sweet your lips are.” He teases and sticks out his tongue.

I laugh at his ridiculous jokes and finish up my tea.

I lay down on my bed, my eyes feels heavier. I could sleep any moment from now on but her images keep flashing in front of my eyes.

Yeah, really suits our comeback title song.

“Ha..Ha..Haru Jongil..Ni sengag..PPuniya…~~~~”

And I doze off with that thought.