Rainy days were when I miss her the most. Then, we’ll cuddle on the sofa watching horror movies on days this. She’ll hide her face on my chest each and every time the ghosts would pop out. I like that about her. Her innocence, her sweet scent, her shy smile and the way she would blush each and every time I . I even miss her spanking my head when my jokes were overboard. All in all I just miss her presence. Even her nagging felt so precious to me now. Stupid me. Missing her to death when I clearly know she wouldn’t come back. And all of that was caused by my stupidity. I just want to scream my lung out right now. Scream on how I miss her, on how I regret all the things I’ve done.

I turn to see who it is when I heard someone turn the doorknob.

“Stop your grievance now. She’s gone. And I’m not gonna console you because you clearly know these all your fault right?” Seung Ho words are like knife stabbing my heart trying to hurt me more. If it even possible.

He just walks leisurely to kitchen to make 2 mugs of hot hazelnut coffee. The smell of coffee once again reminds me of old times. She would make coffee for me. How I loved her coffee. Seung Ho patted sofa next to him signaling to me to sit down beside him. He gives me one mug of coffee he just made and takes a sip from the other.

He turns on the TV flipping channels looking for interesting show.  I lay my head on his shoulder after took a sip of my coffee. He remained silent. Maybe wait for me to open up first. He will comfort me even he just said he won’t. He’s just that type of person; warm-hearted person, hyung-like person. I don’t know if that word did exist. He’s the first person whom will pop in my mind whenever I need a solid advice for my problems; any type of problems. He’s an understanding friend and his every word makes sense. I don’t know how he could be that wise compared to me when in fact he’s just older than me by days.

“Hyung,” I called him.

“Hmm..wae yo?” he asked me back.

“You know I love her so much right?” I asked him an obvious question.

“I know. But then why do you do that? Why cheat on her and ignore her? You treat her like a piece of trash. If she was my sister I would kill you, you know?” Seung Ho questions and statement make me wanna kill myself.

“I know I’m a jerk for treating her like that. But me myself don’t know what makes me change. At that time I just bored of her I think. That girl from the bar was so hot I can’t even take my eyes off her. She was supposed to be my one night stand.   Why must she walked on me and her? Arghh hyung help me.” I plead him. I don’t know for what; to make me forget her or make her come back to me. I just want this severe pain go away. He shook his head.

“Byunghee-ah. I can’t help you. You know that. This is your own problem and you know you have to settle this on your own. If you really committed to her then you wouldn’t need that one night stand thing. She walked on you is not the problem. Your playboyness is the big problem here. As long as you’re you, then things wouldn’t change. If you still feel you can’t live without her, why don’t you try again and show her you have changed. If her answer is still no then nothing you can do. You have to move on and focused more on your study.” I try to absorb each of my hyung words. I thought about it. Again and again. I took a sip of coffee he made me. It helps clear my mind.

“I need to take a bath. Care to join me?” he asked with a smirk, cutting me from my dragged thought.

“Hyung, that’s gross” I laugh and throw sofa pillow to him. He laughed hard and then smile.

“I just wanna see your smile Byunghee. Like that. Feels better now?” he stopped a while at the bathroom door and asked me that. I just nodded my head and he close the door to do his business and take a bath after that. I drown in my thought again. He’s a nice person, a great friend, a shoulder to cry on and a friend to laugh with. I’m glad I met such a wonderful person to be friend with. I took a deep sigh and realized there’s nothing I could do. I’ll try again tomorrow and that’s it.