The Diary of a Princess

I didn't really know what to think, as I opened the diary. I was nervous, and I wasn't quite sure why. In between the hard cover and the first page, there was a birthday card.

                Happy Birthday, my loyal servant. Today on your 21st birthday, I present to you...
                The Diary of Your Princess. kekekekeke!~~

I chuckled. Heh... and she calls me the dork.
I turned to the next page...

Memories of Chapter Two

I got the call.  Of course I got the call.  Everyone knows that my audition was just a spoof for fairness, something that everyone had to do, even me. I really wasn't going to go that day.  I wanted to be a rebel, and tell my family to go and screw theirselves. I wanted to stay in school and work up the ladder my own way, but ultimately decided that it was best to be the bigger person. 

I got there late, but I got there.

I will be the bigger person, but in the end, I will definitely make sure that nothing gets handed to me just because.  I will prove my worth all on my own, and I will make it because of me. This will be my most precious life goal.  I want to do what I love because of me, and not because of them or anyone else.

 And this diary... this diary will follow me on my day to day. This diary will outline all of the steps I take to reach my goal.  I refuse to continue to be just that girl who is part of the successful Jung family, or who is Jessica's little sister. I'm Soojung Jung,  I am my own entity, I will break every single k-pop girl group stereotype, and my story starts here.  

I smiled at her determination and ambition.  How can she possibly say she's not at all admirable...  She's no princess.  She's a little warrior.  Oh wait, like Xena! The warrior princess... I'm a dork.  Anyway... I turned to the next few pages.

I'm off and away! My fellow trainee? A super cool oppa!

Am not... I thought to myself.  Again. Everyone thinks I have .

He is a she! A tomboy, a girl with a boyish charm. For a second, I really thought she was a guy, and that the company had just mixed up names. Amber, is her name... and she LOVES tacos and burritos! =D So, that's one thing we have in common.  Though, I was too embarrassed to pig out as much as she did. XD She shall nevah know! I'm curious, though... as to how talented she is... I mean, she actually did get picked out of so many people! I'd never be able to get a chance to test myself like that... I've already pretty much been handpicked at birth.

I already know -- well, I'm almost 99% sure we're both going to end up in the same group. Just because, I know how M-town works, and if we are, she will be one less person I'd have to convince.  Her style is already so different from the typical k-pop female idols... and from the questions she asked me, she wants to keep her style. We'd be so different from every other cliché girl group, and one step closer to breaking the stereotypes... I didn't want to bring my hopes up too much, though... I'd still have to talk to the manager once we got to the company. So, I didn't say much about it... but I want it. I want it bad: Revolutionize. 

Thank god for zero pink skirts or dancing to Madonna, I said to myself as I giggled softly.  Our group definitely got lucky. Neither of us, not one, are interested in being anything but ourselves.

We're not sitting together. =( Instead... I'm sitting next to a creepy, old white guy. >.<  And the plane already took off... T_T I'm going to be alone the whole ride.

This Jesse guy let us sit together! Yay! =D And he did it... with SASS!
He also thought me and Amber were dating for some reason, and I think that's why he let us sit together. Why would he ever think that? We don't even look like a couple. Haha! Awkward Amber got so uncomfortable when he said that... It was adorable.

That's it, she officially . She likes the original song "Such Great Heights" more than the cover. She is wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!

I just solved a rubik's cube for the first time! Well, sort of.  Amber helped, but I did most of the work...

Of course she'd say that. Duddungie always so hard headed in admitting she got helped.  

Okay, so maybe she doesn't completely . She even has a shape rubik's! She must be a math genius! Math and music? M2!!! 

That's it. Krystal is literally the biggest dork. She beat me. I kept holding in my laughs as I read... she's always hiding her true self behind that fake shyness...

So, I just embarrassed myself in front of Amber. Tough Baby Jung just bawled her eyes out in her arms. That wasn't supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to just tell her everything. I barely know her... why did she open me?  I'm supposed to be tough, determined, unbreakable.  I even told her how scared I was... Gawd... I really am scared.  Can I really possibly do everything I said I wanted to do?  

...She felt the same way I did... she didn't want to break open, she wanted to hide it... like me.  I guess, I'm just a little better at it than she is...

Memories of Chapter Three

It's okay, though... she's also afraid... like me.

Gawd... she has so much more right than me to be afraid... I feel so stupid, and so guilty for even crying into her arms... her loss, the pain she's feeling... I can't ever compare my pain with hers. Ever. Why does she have to hurt this bad? Why her?  She doesn't deserve that... she doesn't have to be in pain like that... no one should ever have to feel that. No one...

That time when I told her about Soyeon -- well, I told her it was a guy -- that time, she held me... I cried in her arms like I had never cried before. The way she looked at me that day, as she held my face in the palm of her hands... how could I ever forget that? The empathy in her eyes, how she felt my pain... how it was so far, so very far away from pity...  why did I forget that? She'd never pity me... and I forgot.  Why did the thought of her giving me pity ever even cross my mind... ?

I wish I could drown inside of your brain
Kiss your every neurons and expel your fears away
Tie them up with my broken heart
I would sink in your thoughts and nail my soul to your sad memories
Fill your eyes with transparency
And your ears with my acoustic songs
And your dreams
Make them all come to life
Appear in your nightmares with an S on my chest
And take you away
Far away
To a painted destiny
To a reality fairy tale
To a lifelong story with me

Another poem... "Krystal..." I whispered softly, as I looked behind my back. She was still fast asleep... "You wanted to save me from my past...?" I looked back towards the diary "...from my sad memories?"

... I wonder what she thinks about when she spaces out. That moment when she told me about how she lost her first love, it feels like... It feels like there will never be a moment like that again.  That's the first and last time she will ever open up to me again. I guess, I'm just curious... I mean... it's not that it bothers me too much that she won't tell me... Well, actually it just worries me that... you know... that she's in pain and she has no one to talk to about it.

She's such an enigma, sometimes. No wonder she loves rubik's cubes so much...

She knows I'm a rubik's cube... I thought to myself, as I smiled.  

She kind of does look like a Llama... it's cute.  I'm the luckiest princess ever!  I have a llama as a servant. A super duper adorable and smart llama.
=^-^=

I blushed.

Memories of Chapter Four

The servant has seen my poem, and then convinced me to show her the rest. -.-' She said it was awesome, but I'm sure she's just being nice about it... and then she had me explain it to her, which was sort of embarrassing. Is it really that shocking that I've never loved? Well, I mean... you know, in a romantic sense.  Then she went into specifics: crushes, romances, flings... why are there so many categories!? I think it's so stupid. When you love, you love, right? Why do these things all have to have names? Like, does it mean you love them a little and not a lot? To me, love is just on one single scale. You either love them or you don't. There is no a little bit or a lot, love just is.  Well, at least... that's the love I want. And I'm not asking for anything fancy or super cliché... I hate that stuff. I just want simple. Love. That's it. Because, love is supposed to be simple.

F(x) Talks About Love

Yeah, it's supposed to be... but it never is like -- 95% of the time.  I my hair back with one of my hands, and sighed at the frustration of how complicated love really is, as I continued to read.

I had never done that before. You know? The whole, spend an entire 24 hours non-stop with a complete stranger? No, not that part. I mean yes, that... but what I really meant was, I've never gotten this close with someone in 24 hours. I feel close. Feeling close... is that a feeling? Not... physically close, but like... I can't even describe it.  I can't really pin-point or recognize this feeling, if it is a feeling. Well, I'm feeling it, so it must be a feeling, right? This is... confusing. I think I'm attempting to poeticize something that doesn't need to be poeticized... I'll put it this way: I love talking with Amber.  I love -- I mean -- I like how she opens up to me. =) I've learned more about her in 24 hours than I've learned about anyone that I've known my whole life. She was grumpy about letting her pain out, but now... now it seems like she's loosened up about it. I guess you could also say, I'm fascinated? Yeah, I'm fascinated by her, by how there are so many layers to her. She has so many layers. So many. 

Now I understand what she meant... That night that she suddenly got out of bed to write,  she told me she didn't want to forget the feeling. Krystal uses her diary to write more about how she feels, and not so much about events in the day... heh... she got confused when trying to describe that specific feeling, because she didn't know how to describe it. I guess, those are the moments when she wrinkles her forehead, the moments when she gets frustrated... and she still looks so adorable... I giggled to myself.

Jang, he was the SNSD trainer before their debut, too... figures.

So, Amber has no sense of fashion. It was about time, she couldn't possibly be perfect. =P I dressed