Confessions: They Change Us

"You just now read it...?" she asked, with a hint of disappointment in her voice, as she placed one of her hands around my hand that was still holding her chin. 
"Well... yeah... I -- I didn't know -- I mean, I was planning on giving it back to you... I didn't even know what it was..." I tried explaining, suddenly feeling nervous again. 
"It's fine..." she said softly, her forehead wrinkled. She still looked... troubled. She took my hand, still in hers, and lowered it towards the bed. Her glance discreetly turned away from mine, and her eyes began to look downwards again... 
"What's wrong?" I asked, as I tilted my head to the side with worry.  I felt like I had done something wrong, but didn't know what. 
"Nothing... I'm just -- I don't know -- I'm just thinking..."
"About...?" I asked, with a soft and nervous chuckle. I was confused at the fact that she seemed confused... She didn't answer... she started to fidget with her lips. "Hey..." I said softly, as I gently placed the palm of my hand over one of her cheeks, trying to turn her glance back towards me... "Princess, what are you thinking about?" I asked again, as she lightly gasped at my touch. 
"Well... see... I umm..." she began to speak, her face was towards me, but her eyes were trying to avoid mine. She was nervous. "Well, when I planned on confessing -- giving you my gift -- I didn't really have in plan what happened last night..." her eyes met again with mine, she had a soft sad look on her face... "I didn't plan on you liking me back..." she finished. 
"Well, this is supposed to be a good thing... right?" I asked puzzled, as I gently caressed her cheek with my thumb, my palm still rested on the side of her face. 
"Well... I don't know!  I wasn't prepared for this...!" she said, with a sense of urgency and panic in her voice.  "Like... what's supposed to ha--..."  I closed in on her suddenly interrupting her, my lips touching hers "--ppen... now...?" she finished her sentence with a light sigh, as I pressed my lips over hers. 

This is what's supposed to happen. 

It's been way too long since I've kissed her...  and this -- this was a real kiss. It was threaded out of real feelings, zero masks, and absolutely no pretending, no assumptions, because... 

...We knew. 

We both knew we wanted it -- we needed it. I felt my heart burst inside of me... a parade in my chest, of butterflies -- I kissed her as if she was mine, without fear, without holding back. I was able to let her know just how much I thoroughly enjoyed her lips...  Her hands were rested on the bed, her body was stiff, all but her lips, as they moved in sync with mine. She still wanted to refrain, because she had never been corresponded before, and I understood that. I understood that she didn't know how to feel about it...My hand was still rested on the side of her face when suddenly, she placed one of her hands on my free hand, and led it to the other side of her face...and slowly placed her other hand on the side of my face, as she began to part her lips leaving way for my tongue to meet hers. The moment our tongues touched, her hand slid down from my face, towards the collar of my shirt, gripping it tightly and pulling me in closer... 

"So... you tricked me into your first kiss...?" I managed to whisper in between breaths, in one of those moments where I parted my lips from hers, momentarily, to catch my breath. Her hand, that had led mine towards the other side of her face, had now made its way behind my neck, she clenched my hair tightly... she wanted to nudge my shoulder when I said that... when I ... but instead... 

...she just kissed me with ever more desire.

She gasped, as she parted her lips slightly from mine, catching her breath, panting softly... 
"..." she said out of breath, as I felt her not so stiff anymore, and heat emanating from her body... I was just as breathless, as I held her face in between both of my hands, my thumbs caressing her cheeks. Her hand was still clenching my collar, and her other hand still deep tangled into the hair behind my neck... our foreheads touched, the tip of our noses met in that awkwardly close position she kept rambling about in her diary. I chuckled softly in between breaths as I remembered... 
"So... you feel..." 
"Yes... I feel exactly the same way..." I interrupted, to reassure her. I knew exactly what she was thinking. She knew I was in love with her, but didn't know exactly to what extent. She didn't have the access to my thoughts the I way I had with hers... so I needed to let her know that I am just as crazy about her, that I had been just as frustrated, that I have been in hiding just as much as she has... I was ready to go in for another kiss, I was ready to never stop kissing her... 
"Soojung?" Luna's voice, as she looked across her bed, noticing Krystal wasn't on the other side... Startled at the sound of her voice, we both quickly regained composure, distance. 
"Y-yeah...?" she answered, afraid Luna would hear the acceleration in her voice. Krystal popped her head from underneath the bottom bunk to look up at Luna. "Hey, I'm here." Krystal said, as she awkwardly waived up at Luna. 
"With... Ambah-unnie?" Luna asked puzzled, probably thinking that I had passed out in the stall. 
"Umm... yeah, talking... uhh about last night." Krystal explained. 
"Ohhhhh..." Luna said, understanding right away.  I held Krystal's arm as I turned her towards me gently. 
"What do the members know... ?" I asked Krystal in a whisper, suddenly feeling slightly paranoid. Krystal shrugged lightly, her eyes slightly wide. She was clearly still startled at the fact that someone could have seen us... we weren't thinking...
"Uh..." she started saying with a sigh. "... I don't know. Probably, just as much as we knew several hours ago..." she said.
"So you mean, only what they heard on stage last night?" 
"Well... yeah...!  What do you think? That I'd just talk to them about how I feel about you? -- 'Oh hey, so yeah guys, I'm so totally into Amber... OH! And she also happens to be a girl! ha-ha-ha'. " she said with a joking sarcasm, playing out how the scene would go if she'd told them.  "Yeah, they totally would not be weirded out at all by that..." she finished. I looked at her with an awkward smile, noticing how she had just teased the crap out of me, and I had no good comeback. I was still dazed from the kiss... I just poked her cheek, as I stuck my tongue out at her.
"Shhh..." I said in response, and she let out an embarrassing light laugh, lowering her head towards the palm of her hands. Both of us were nervous and embarrassed at what Luna might be thinking right now... I placed my hands over her head, and gently her hair, when from the corner of my eyes, Sulli started to wake up. I tapped Krystal's knee gently with one of my hands to let her know, when...
"Yuh-dong-saengs!" Vic's voice. "Wake up! Wake up!" she said, as she jumped on top of Sulli on her bed. Krystal suddenly raising her head to look towards them. 
"Ahh! Unnie! So heavy!" Sulli whined in between light laughs. 
"Leeedaahhh!" Luna shouted, as she peaked her head below her bunk to see them both.  Both Krystal and I slowly, and silently began to scoot further and further away from each other, to make even more distance... I sneezed. 
"Oh... morning unnie..." Luna said to me with an awkward smile, as all three turned to look towards us. 
"Hyung... morning..." said Sulli, with a lazy smile. 
"Everything okay?" asked Vic, her motherly tone.  As the oldest, and the one with a motherly instinct towards us, Vic could sense things. You know how moms know everything?  Yeah... Vic does, too. She sensed our embarrassment and our worry, almost instantly. Luna and Sulli? Well, they just didn't know how to react. Because they both care, they wanted to try so hard to act normal, but forcing it way too much. So, it just comes out so, so very awkward.  I didn't know what to say to any of them. I still wasn't prepared to face anyone... I hadn't rehearsed a script in my head of any possible conversations. I had nothing. I just nodded shyly in response to Vic's question. 
"Yeah. Why wouldn't it be?" Krystal bursted out saying, in the most cheerful way possible. She tried to come out in my defense. She was trying to act like nothing happened, for me... because I couldn't do it for myself.
"Oh yeah, yeah, just asking -- yeah everything's great -- glad you guys are awake -- ..."  all three said unanimously, as they nodded and smiled cheerfully and awkwardly.  Damn man, they're not stupid. They know something's up. We're going to have to talk about this and  -- I have to find a way to clear this out.  I need to say something about last night... it's the freaking giant, pink elephant in the room --  Wait, no. Not even. It's a ing giant, three headed, rainbow unicorn in the middle of the room, and no one's talking about it. If I don't say something now, it will just bring up more suspicion. Say something. Say something, Amber... damn it! Say SOMETHING...!
"Umm guys, about last -- "  
"Oh great! You're all awake!" Jang said as he interrupted me, with a sense of relief in his voice, as he walked excitedly into our sleeping area.  He then looked towards my bed seeing me and Krystal, and his excited expression lightened a bit... 
"Get dressed, we're stopping for breakfast... and a meeting." he said, still looking towards me and Krystal. Both me and Krystal had guilty, blank expressions on our faces. Meanwhile, the other members still forcing the 'nothing has happened' face. We nodded, as Jang turned away to go back towards the living room area.  
"You were saying?" said Vic, as she turned towards me and Krystal again.  
"Umm... oh yeah... " and suddenly, the guts that I had to say something about it just vanished into thin air. Again, I was back to being a .  "... just that I'm sorry I took over the bathroom last night... it was --" 
"I HATE using that bathroom." said Luna, interrupting me. 
"Yeah, we just went to the bathrooms in the stadium right after concert." Sulli added. 
"So much more space..." said Vic with a comforting smile. They were all being secretly and discreetly supportive. It was almost as if they could read my mind, like we had some sort of bond... all of us. They really were trying to make it as if nothing happened, as if everything would be okay, and anything I was feeling last night and now was okay. I just smiled back faintly, as they all started to get up and take turns to the bathroom.  Me and Krystal looked at each other again, still sitting across from each other on my bed. She placed a hand on my cheek gently.
"Come on, let's go get ready..." she said, as she started to get out of bed, her finger tips grazing my skin as they left my cheek. She was comforting me, as well. They all could tell that I was afraid, worried... but of what? 
"Can you..." I said, as I reached my hand out to grab a hold of Krystal's arm. "... stay?" She turned around to look back at me. She could see the fear pouring out of my eyes, my uneasiness. She looked at me again, with so much empathy, as she bit and her bottom lip. She wanted to kiss me again. She wanted to stop the worry -- or at least help me forget about