Friendship Package

"Hey, what are you doing?" I asked her.  In about only a couple of minutes, Krystal had gotten out of bed. She had the night light, and took out her diary to write while sitting at the bottom corner of the bed.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up..." she whispered as she continued to write, her eyes fixated to her diary. 
"No, you didn't. I wasn't sleeping yet." I said as I rubbed my eyes, trying to adjust them to the light. I leaned my back upwards a bit to get a better look at her, holding myself up with my elbows.  She sat butterfly style, moving her pen quickly, as the night light reflected her silhouette on the wall next to her. Her hair fell completely on one side of her shoulder, in front of one of her s. This is the first time I'd seen her in full pose, with no bra.  Just a loose, white T-shirt... her s clearly poking at her shirt. She wrinkled her forehead as her pen paused, and then quickly continued its pace. She sort of looked like a frustrated poet, which had some sort of romantic feel to it... "You got out of bed just to write?" I asked, tilting my head to the side with curiosity.   
"I didn't want to forget..." she said.
"Forget what?" 
"Forget the feeling of... of today." she hesitated on finishing the sentence, as she continued to write. 
"The feeling? Don't you mean like, the things that happened today?" 
"That too... I guess."  
"Is it a poem?"  I asked, still staring at her. Her eyes still fixated to her diary, almost as if she had summoned another part of her to speak with me, because she looked so consumed into what she was writing.  
"..." she said nothing. I crawled slowly over to her, and kneeled up behind her back, as I tried to look over her shoulder. 
"It's nothing." she said, as she closed her diary quickly and turned to look at me.  She did it so fast that it startled me. She looked... distressed.  A kind of distress -- like she had no control over the situation.  A kind of distress in her that I had never seen before. 
"O... kay? I was just curious. Is everything okay?" I asked. 
"Everything's fine... sorry..." she said, as she fidgeted with her diary in her hands, and tucked some of her hair behind her ear, nervously.  "I'm just a bit in pain.  I should take my pain killers."  she said, softer this time. 
"Yeah, end of the day period is usually a ... I'm sorry."  I said, trying to empathize with her. She stood up to put away her diary, get some water and get some pain killers. I kneeled up on the corner of the bed, where she was once sitting, looking at her vaguely.  I was just trying to see if I could maybe figure out what was going through her mind.  She made her way back towards the bed, and petted my head messing up my hair lightly.
"Scoot, Llama."  she said. 
"Oh yeah... sorry." I said... she caught me staring, and I was spaced out again. I scooted back to my spot, as she crawled back into bed. We both lied back down.  She lied on her side, her back facing me, and curled up in a ball. I lied on my back with one hand on my forehead and one on my tummy. This was my thinking position in bed.  Or rather, my figuring-things-out position, the position I'd take when feeling puzzled, or trying to organize something -- If I'm in bed,  this is the position I'd take while working around my rubik's cube. Well, of course my hands would be occupied, not on my forehead or on my tummy... and right now, this was the position I'd use in trying to figure her out. Since when did girls become this hard to read? Or maybe I'm just really that slow. I wrinkled my forehead, and bit the bottom side of my lip, as I turned my head a bit over to look at her.  I felt alone.  I don't like backs facing me. I wonder what she's thinking... 
"Did I use tongue first, or did you?"  she asked, suddenly
"Krys, I'm sorry about that, really..."  I said quickly. 
"No, it's totally fine." she said, interrupting me. "I'm the one who went in for the kiss... you just got ahead of me, I guess..."  she explained, with a light chuckle.  "...and I told you it was fun." she continued, as I listened silently. "I'm just curious as to... you know...after we started kissing..." I knew exactly what she was getting at. I did. I started using my tongue. I initiated that, and I went in for the kiss... it was passionate. I gave it passion, and she felt that. . She was probably just planning on giving me a normal awkward kiss, and then I went and got carried away, and she knows it. . .  my life. Think, Llama. Think. 
"Well... I -- uhh..." she knows it wasn't her. It was obviously me. Was she asking me a rhetorical question?  "I... did...?"  Think, think, think. "... but it was only to -- you know, how I said that you never kiss with tongue the first time? And you were curious about the tongue kissing, so I just thought, hey why the hell not?" I said with a nervous chuckle. 
"Yeah, I figured much..."  she said. "Did I do good?" I sighed to myself, lightly catching my breath as I remembered the feel of her tongue on mine. 
"You... you did amazing..."  I just said that. It came out with my sigh, I couldn't help it.  "You -- you're really going to knock him off his feet when you kiss him..." I tried to correct myself.  
"Yeah... " she said.  She sounded worried... was it worry or something else? Gawd... I'm so pathetic. Maybe I'm just imagining worry?  Disappointment?  I poked her shoulder.  "Hey, you don't want to snuggle the teddy llama?"  I asked her jokingly, trying to ease some of the tension.  She said nothing for a few seconds... until I heard a sniffle. "Soojung...?"  I slightly lifted my head from the bed, as I placed my hand on her shoulder.  She reached her hand above her shoulder to hold mine. 
"Yeah... I do." she said. 
"Are you crying?" I bluntly asked.  "Did he do something to you?" I asked, with threat in my voice... she closed up as soon as I mentioned him. That had to be it... he's probably a ing jerk and I'd love to find an excuse to kick his .
"No." she said, as she turned around on her other side, and as she held my hand close to her chest. "I'm not. Why?" 
"Just making sure you're okay. I know I get super over-emotional for no reason at all when I get on my period." I said with a small chuckle, relieved to see that everything was okay, but at the same time... feeling as if she was keeping something from me.  She gave me a light smile, that quickly changed back to an emotionless face, as if she forced the smile. 
"Night, Amber..." she said, as she interlocked her fingers in mine, her cheek rested on the back of my hand.
"Night, loser... this time for sure, go to sleep, will ya'?" 
"I will... shhhh."  she said, as I felt her smile on the back of my hand, strands of her hair that had fallen near her face -- tickling my skin. I had never slept or spent the night in another girl's bed before.  Even more, a girl I had a huge crush on.  Me and Soyeon? Well, we had moments here and there. We had moments in which we were alone, and were able to... to do stuff, but we had never spent a night together. 

I felt her breath on my skin, as her breathing got deeper, as she drifted slowly into sleep.

I guess this is what they call bliss.

The next day, I took the lunch time in between our practices to meet up with Henry.  He ed during all of breakfast this morning about how I was going to buy a jinxed basketball to own him in basketball today. 
"You that scared, son? If you're so good like you say you are, you'd beat me, jinx or no jinx." I said to him, as we walked towards the bus stop, just outside of the dorms. 
"I can! But, win or lose, I want it to be all fair and square." he said, as he took out his bus pass.  "Do you have yours?" 
"Right here." I said, as I showed him my pass. "Dude, there is no such thing AS A JINX." I said.  I repeated this to him like a million times this morning. 
"Yes, yes there is! I already told you about what happened with my grandma with that hat... remember?" he insisted. 
"That's called coincidence, and plus, because I don't believe in jinxes, then I wouldn't try to put one on the ball... or you, in the first place!" 
"So you say... how do I know this isn't all part your plan?" he glared at me with suspicion, rubbing his chin with his fingers, joking around. 
"You sir, are a grade A dork." I said, as the bus arrived. "After you, ladies first." I told him, messin' around with him. 
"Why thank you, don't mind if I do! Such a gentleman!" he responded in a girly tone, as he entered the bus. 

Henber is my BRoTP - They get chicks together and stuff! =D
 

"There, we bought it together, see? Not jinxed. Happy?" I told him, as we got off the bus, arriving back at the dorms. He nodded with a dorky grin.  "Or is it...?" I said, giving him a mischievous look, and holding the basketball near my mouth, whispering spell gibberish. 
"Hey!" he said, as he swooped the ball away from me. "I'll keep it for now..." he said. I laughed, as I saw how paranoid he was. 
"Sure, do whatever you want. Ain't nothing gonna save you from that whoopin' later." I said. 
"We'll see about that..." he pouted. "What class you got now?"
"Dancin'!" I said, as I wiggled my hips. "You?"
"Singing." 
"Oh yeah! We gotta jam sometime, too. But anyway, yeah... I'll see you after my final class, which is singing, so I'm guessing yours is..." I said, as I started to walk away.
"Dancing." he finished my sentence with a chuckle. He got quieter, as he just listened attentively. 
"Aight then, see ya later." 
"I'll jinx check this before the showdown." he warned me, as he lifted the basketball in his hands. I laughed as I walked away. 
"Alright man, you do that." I said. 

Henry was definitely cool beans, but the whoopin' must go on, and damn I couldn't wait. 
"Amber..." Krystal said, as she glared at me with arms crossed and a raised brow. 
"Huh? Yeah?" I responded, a bit startled. She pointed towards the rest of the room with her head, as everyone else was staring at me. 
"Oh. Is it... is it my line?" I said with a nervous light laugh. I had spaced out again on basketball. On basketball, of all the things. I need to focus man, this is my career on the line. Of course girls and basketball would come in between it all... gosh.
"Umm... so yeah... hey, hey..." I got in my rapping mode. "I got a little plan so pick up the slack, you wastin' time with the chit chat..."  Everyone loved it, though not many understood it.  They couldn't give me too many complicated rhymes in Korean.  So, for now I was rapping in my English until I got better with my Hangul, but yeah... I killed it. These guys ain't never heard that L.A. flow before, and it was the best thing that ever hit 'em. 
"That was pretty..." 
"Dope?! I know, right? I'm so dope." I said, finishing Krystal's sentence. We walked out the classroom and into the hall ways. 
"Could you possibly be more full of yourself?" she giggled, as she shook her head in teasing disappointment at me. 
"Hey, like I always say... if you own, you own." I defended myself. "But, hey! I'll catch ya' later princess, gotta run. I told Henry I'd meet him after the last class." 
"Basketball?" 
"More like Henry-getting-owned, but yeah, basketball." I said, as I started walking in the opposite direction. 
"Hey...! Umm..." she said, as she tried to reach out her hand towards me, but couldn't reach. I had quickly already turned around, as soon as she called out. 
"Yeah?" I responded. 
"I'm writing a song..." she said. 
"No way! For real?" I said, as I bit my bottom lip, giving her a huge grin. She nodded shyly, as she shifted her eyes to the side, biting her bottom lip as well.  "I have to be the first to hear it." I said. 
"Says who?" she said, as her little shy act vanished. She gave me a smirk, and with the rolling of her eyes, she turned her back to me and started walking away. 
"Says me!" I said, as I began to walk in her direction, catching up to her. "You'll show me, right?" I said, as I looked at her, but she didn't look back. She just kept looking straight ahead, with that little smirk she does, because she knows she has me wrapped around her finger.

"Maybe..." she said, still holding a smirk. "Don't you have to go play basketball?" she said, sending me away. I sighed. 
"Such a tease..." I said under my breath, as I started to walk away and towards the courts. And there he was, waiting for me on the court and practicing his shots. Missing. Every. Single. One. I held in a chuckle as I approached him. He turned around to look at me with an embarrassed smile. 
"You freaking jinxed it, didn't you?" 
"Oh my gosh bro! Still on the jinx thing?" I laughed lightly as I brought my hands up. "Pass it, let's get this started." 

"It's 23 to 12 bro, my game. You givin' up?" I said, as I dribbled the ball in between my legs and across the court.  He bent down, catching his breath and pressing his hands on his knees.
"Yeah... yeah... I give... you win... jesus christ..." he said, out of breath. 
"Yeahp, you already know!" I said, as I threw one last shot at the hoop. "I heard you're a master of instruments. Well, I'm the master of this court... well at least when it comes to you." I said, teasing him and chuckling. 
"Of course. I humbly accept my defeat, master." he said rolling his eyes and giving me a smirk, as he went to pick up the ball. "I'd like a rematch again tomorrow, though." 
"Whenever! You already know I'm always down for some hoops." I said, as we both sat down on the bleachers to drink water. 
"Hey..." he said with a grin and bumping his knee into mine, as we sat on the bleachers.  I turned my head towards him, still chugging water.  "So, what are you doing this weekend?" he asked shyly. 
"Me? A whole lotta sleepin'." I laughed lightly. "Why?" I asked, as I wiped the water over my upper lip with the back of my hand. 
"Well, umm...I was just wondering if... you wanted to like... uhh..." Da fuq is wrong with Henry? He has a stutter problem or somethin' all of a sudden? I stared at him confused, waiting for him to finish his sentence.  "Dinner? I mean... out to eat?" 
"That actually sounds freaking awesome!"
"Really?" he said, as his face lit up. 
"Yeah, but not this weekend, though.  Probably the next, 'cause I'm kind of broke at the moment... well not completely broke, but I need the money I brought with me for other stuff.  If I can eat at the cafeteria for free, then I don't think I should spend money eating out." I explained.  "So, after we get our allowance from the company, I can go, which will be next week... I think? Right?" I finished my explanation.
"Well... yeah, but umm... I'll be paying." he said under his breath.  I laughed lightly.
"Oh come man, I wouldn't let you pay for my food. You're making it sound like a... date?" Gosh, I'm so slow... He looked at me embarrassed, blushed and nervous. No wonder he was stuttering. I can't do this feelings and emotions stuff... he was anxiously waiting for a response, without knowing what else to say. He really does like me. Krystal was right. Damn it, I hate it when she's right... I pouted on the inside. Wait, Llama, you're getting side tracked again... focus. Henry is asking you on a date. How do I not hurt his feelings? "Look... Henry... ummm you're cool beans and all man, but I uhh... I don't like you in that way?" I really have no idea how to make this sound less harsh. 
"Oh..." he said softly, as he lowered his head with a slight frown that turned into a nervous laugh. "Is it my nose?" 
"Your nose? No, no way! You have a -- a y nose!" a y nose, Llama?  "You're a good looking guy! And any chick would kill to be with you, I bet! I --" I really had no idea what to say or how to back up my argument. I was pretty much wrecking his self esteem right now. Damn it, this is way too awkward.  I sighed and hid my face inside of my shirt in mid sentence. 
"What are you doing?" he asked with a chuckle. 
"I'm hiding." I said, my voice muffled by my shirt. 
"Amber, it's okay... you don't have to like me like that..."
"No. It's not okay.  You don't get it." I said. 
"Well, then help me get it." he said.
"It's just... I don't..." I sighed "...swing that way." I said it. Almost automatically. I couldn't fathom any other logical explanation as to why I would reject him, and him not feel like crap. At least, by letting him know this, he'd know that it has nothing to do with him at all, and that this is just the way I am. Right?
"Swing... that... way?" He asked puzzled. He knew what I was talking about, but was in shock to hear it.  It's a moment when you're so in shock about something, that you try to find any other explanation for what you just heard, and you force your brain to be confused about the obvious answer? Yeah. That. What? Just me? 
"I don't like es, Henry." I said bluntly, my face still covered by my shirt. 
"Heh... I figured much..." he said, with a bit of disappointment, but a more relaxed voice. 
"That's it?  You figure much?" I said in surprise as I turned to look at him, my face still covered by my shirt. 
"Well... yeah I mean, it's no big deal. It's not like I'm madly in love with you or anything... it's just... you're different. You're not like the other girls... So I guess... I'm just crushin' on you, ya' know? I mean come on, what other girl is going to own me in basketball?" he said, as he chuckled still a bit nervous. 
"No, no, no! Not that! I meant... the not liking es part..."
"Oh! That you're gay?" he said, as if nothing. I face palmed.  "Well, I mean... I actually think it's pretty cool..." he said. Gosh, please don't ask if you can watch, please don't.  "... I've always wanted to talk to another girl about chicks." he said, as he pondered on the idea. I slowly came out of my hiding space. Is this dude perfect? He turned his head towards me and smiled, as he was finally able to see my face again. 
"You're being the best man at my wedding. Don't ask any questions." I said, jokingly. He laughed. 
"No, I'm serious though. I can get you to talk to girls for me, and get your approval and stuff." he nodded as he thought of the brilliant idea he just came up with me. 
"Well, I don't think you'll need much approval, I mean... you already have great taste." I said with a cocky tone. 
"True, true..." he said.  "So... instead of dinner, we should just be each other's wingmen at the club next weekend, pick up some girls?" he laughed. 
"That's a master plan right there, but... I already kind of like someone who I don't have to pick up at the club." 
"Aw, really?" he snapped his tongue in disappointment, and nudged my shoulder. "You failed me..." he said jokingly
"I can be your wingman, though!" I said, trying to console him and punching his shoulder lightly. 
"I suppose... hey! Maybe I can help you with your crush." he said. 
"As if I needed any help." I said with a cocky smirk. 
"Do I know her?" he asked with curiosity. I smirked, getting a bit nervous at the thought of her, and at the thought of him knowing... now that he knew I liked girls, he could probably figure this one out on his own... I'm around her a lot.
"I can't tell you that, too. By the way! You have to promise you won't tell anyone about me being... you know... Pinky swear!" I said, as I put out my pinky. 
"Of course not! I'm not from here either, you know? I know how they see that here in South Korea." he said, as he pinky sweared me. 
"Good..." I said in relief. 
"So, tell me then..." he begged. 
"Curiosity killed the cat, you know that right?" I said. 
"I'm no cat, though. I'm a dog. I'm Snoopy." 
"Snoopy? What the hell?" I said, laughing.  "Look, it doesn't matter. You don't know her. You know of her." I said, hinting. 
"Baby Jung!?" he said, wide eyes. For some reason, this surprised him more than my love for s. 
"Baby Jung?" I asked, confused. 
"Yeah, yeah. The youngest of the Jung." he explained. I guess that's how he identifies her. 
"Krystal." I said. He patted my back. 
"Nice." he said. 
"There's nothing nice about it. It's never going to happen. It's just a crush that I need to get over, and I will. I'll get over it eventually." 
"Why would you say that? What if she likes you back?" 
"Thanks for the hope bud, but let's be real... she doesn't swing that way." I said, as I asked him for the basketball, placing it under one of my feet, and moving it around the bottom bleacher.  "And don't get me wrong, I know tons of girls who are very feminine who swing that way, but... she isn't one." 
"You can never be so sure, Amber." he said.
"Plus, she already told me she likes this dude or whatever... some lame childhood friend." 
"Bummer..." he said
"Tell me about it." we both said, as we stared blankly in front of us, in defeat. He got rejected by me, and Krystal's is in love with someone else.  Yeah... definitely a bummer, but for some reason this confession made us closer. Our conversation now seemed a lot more relaxed and less tense. He really didn't take it at all bad. It gave me some kind of relief, or hope that maybe the next time I tell someone else that I like girls, they'll have the same reaction.  Maybe it is like he said... maybe it's just because he's not from here, like me.  Well, Krystal isn't from here either... she's from where I am. She didn't mind Jesse being gay, but that's probably because Jesse's a guy. If I tell Krystal I like girls, she'd hate me. She'd hate me because she's been practicing her kissing with me, and well... she'd just feel so uncomfortable knowing that I enjoyed the kiss in a totally different way from how she did.  She'll never see me the same way again.  I shared all of this with Henry... 

He and I, we talked for hours.  He's pretty much like a male Jackie, except... he has or... had? -- a crush on me.  

"It's getting late, I better get..."
"... back to Krystal?" he interrupted. 
"... no?" I blushed. "...get some rest." I finished my sen