“Hey, Tae.”  You smiled while curling up your ear buds around your fingers.

“Hey, Tiff!”  I smiled back.  “Our bus is kinda late today.”

“Oh well.”  You took the ear buds and made an arch shape with them.  Slowly, you lifted it to my face and started giggling.  “It looks like a blue mustache.”  You continued laughing and didn’t stop after 10 seconds.

“Hey…  It’s not that funny.”

“Yes it is!”

I moved forward, leaving a kiss on your fingers.  Instantly, you retracted your hands as your face flushed red.  You laughed awkwardly while stepping back a little.

“Hey, should we look for the bus?”

“Yeah.”

We walked up and down the front area of the school, still unable to see any sign of the bus.

“Man, where is our bus?”  I complained while trying to look over the heads of tall students around me.

“It probably isn’t here yet, Tae.”

“Tiff, maybe we should just wait inside?”  I turned my head and shrugged.

“Maybe we sh-” You were cut off when someone shoved you from behind.  You pulled your head back in reaction and your cheeks became even redder than before.

“Uhm.”

“Uh.”

You just almost stole my first kiss.

We had so many awkward but lovely moments.

“I’m so tired.  I don’t know what I’m going to do when I get home.”

“Leave that for later, it’s okay.”  I smiled, looking deep into your eyes.

Until this day, I thought eyes were just eyes.  They’re just little spheres in our heads with nerves attached that we use to see things.  But I realized that they’re nature’s work of art.  Your eyes are beautiful.  They are.

I sat there, brushing your hair back and playing with it while admiring your brown eyes.  You lay there with your head on my lap, staring right back at me.

Have you ever felt what it’s like to hold something so precious in your hand?  Maybe it’s something tiny or really fragile, but it’s something you want to guard with your life.  It’s just too wonderful to let go of.  That’s what I felt at this moment.  I was blessed to have you in my life, and even more so since you enjoyed spending time with me.  I could stay like this forever and I’d be happy.

I sighed.  You giggled in reaction.  I laughed and turned away shyly when I realized how lovesick I was acting.

You’re just so precious to me.  Even though you’re the one who controls me, I still think you’re the one who needs to be cared for.  But it’s okay.  I like it.

I need you around me.  You’re like an addiction to me.  I used to be so hooked on playing video games but in a snap, I stopped.  Why?  Because I wanted to write about you.  You are my inspiration; my motivation.  You’re the reason I do what I do.  You’re also the reason why I do bizarre things.

“Aren’t you kind of spoiling her?”  Sooyoung asked.

I shrugged.

Sure.  But that’s because I really like her.

And honey, I don’t care if I end up broke.  As long as you’re here beside me, I’ll be okay.

But after a while, I realized that my dream was short lived.  Great moments don’t last forever.  And I guess mine came to an end.

I swear, I thought our feelings were mutual.  I thought you felt the same way about me.  Friends don’t hold hands, cuddle, share excessive amounts of hugs, text each other late at night or say ‘I love you’ every night before bed.  We did.  But for some reason, you went and got yourself a damn boyfriend.

“Tae!!”  You called to me in a higher voice while stretching my name.

“Hm?”

“You should come to the dance too.”

“Uh, no thanks.”

“Why not?  Just get someone to ask you.”

“It’s not that, Fany-ah.  I just don’t want to go.”

“Why?”

“The only person I wanted to go with already has a date.”  I forced a smile and shrugged.

“…”  Speechless, you just threw your arms around my waist and buried your face into my shoulder.  “I’m sorry…”

Wait… Did I just give it away?  Why did I say that…?

“I’m sorry.”  You looked at me apologetically.

Oh, no.

“Do you still like Taemin?  I thought you got over him!”

Taemin?  What?  No, it’s you!

Oh…

You still think I like him…

“It takes time.”  I lied.

“Aw…  Well, don’t worry.  You’ll find someone.”

I did.  But unfortunately, you haven’t found me.

Surprisingly though, a lot of people weren’t attending the dance this year.

“I’m not going.  Are you going to the dance?”  Sooyoung asked.

“No…”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to pay, I hate dressing up, and… Well…  The only one I want to go with is already going with someone else.”

“Aw, are you still not over Taemin?  It’s okay…  You’ll find someone.”

“I wasn’t talking about him… but sure.  Let’s pretend it’s Taemin.”

“Who is it, Tae?  Tell me!!!”

“I don’t know about this…”

“Please?”

“I’ll give you a hint.”

I ended up telling Sooyoung almost everything.  I spared her a lot of the moments we shared alone.  I don’t think she wants to hear about how cheesy we are.  But I added the first person to the list of people I’d tell.

I just needed a way to let things out.  Sure, I did that through my stories online.  But I needed to tell someone I knew in real life.  But that still didn’t take the pain away.

“I hate my life.”  I sighed as I threw my backpack on the floor and collapsed onto the bed after returning home.

Another day, another crack.  My heart is in pieces again.

I turned and lay on my stomach, burying my face into my pillow.

What do I do?

“Ugh, what now?”  My phone vibrated loudly on the bedside table.  Annoyed, I reached for it and unlocked it.

Text message from you…

Why?

My phone vibrated again.  I didn’t bother to read the message.  I couldn’t.  Whatever it was, it would emotionally destroy me for the third time today.

____

Another day…  Another terrible day…  I’m nowhere near ready.

I squeezed out the last few tears before wiping them with the back of my hand.  Before I knew it, the bus turned around the corner with twenty minutes until school starts.  I made my way to the middle of the bus, seeing how it was the only empty seat available.  Before I even reached it, the bus driver pulled off, causing me to trip and scrape knees on the edge of a seat.  As usual, nobody was awake to watch, but it felt horrible anyways.  Ignoring the stinging feeling on my knees, I sat down in the empty seat and closed my eyes.

I miss seeing you in the morning.

God this hurts.

…

Now, my knees hurt too.

____

“Physics, world religions, functions, computer science…”  The school day began as I entered the building.  Throughout first and second period, I was simply struggling to stay awake.  My eyes were burning and sore from crying while also helping you solve homework problems in the middle of the night.

I quickly ate my lunch and walked to math class as I sat down while letting out a long sigh.  Recently, you had been breaking my heart repeatedly and more than usual.   As the days went on, it only got worse and worse.

“Hey, Tae Tae!”  You greeted me cheerfully as you sat down in the seat next to me, the girl who was on the verge of tears.

“Hey.”

I know you can tell that I’m not alright.

Something’s bothering me?  What’s so different then?

Like every day, you greet me with your same beautiful smile.

You find ways to do anything to make my heart race.

You do things to make my heart break.

I raised my head and found myself staring again.  You are beautiful.  I smiled as I welcomed the butterflies into my stomach yet again.  Unable to avert my gaze, I continued to stare as I propped my chin with my hands.  Honestly, I didn’t care about the lesson that was going on.

“That is why this is the vertex.”

Beautiful…

“Now, if you have been paying attention…”

Thud thud thud…

“Most of you should be able to factor this.”

Heart attack…

“MISS KIM.”

After a round of stuttering and senseless babbling about quadratic equations, the teacher let me go.  With that, I slumped into my chair.  For the rest of the lesson, I kept my eyes aimed at my notebook and pretended to write.

‘황 Hwang…미Mi…영Young…’  I wrote the characters out neatly and drew a heart next to them.

‘Beautiful.’  I wrote under your name.

‘Friendly.’

‘Smile.’

‘사 랑 해 I love you.’

I looked up at you and sighed before erasing what I had written.

It’s a funny thing.  No matter how much it hurts me to think about us, I always find myself back at square one.  I always end up having butterflies in my stomach, thinking about you.  Maybe that’s how it was meant to be.  Maybe I’m supposed to love you.  And maybe you’re supposed to be oblivious to it.

The bell rang, marking the end of first period.  I closed my notebook and walked towards the door, bag and books in hand.  I trudged my way to my locker, shoved my math materials inside and pulled out my computer science binder.  As soon as I looked up, my locker was slammed shut in my face.

“Whoa!”  I turned in surprise to see you, wearing a grin.

C-close!  That’s really close!

“Hey.”  Your voice was oddly deep and slightly more husky than usual.

“H-h-hi.”  Feeling your breath on my face, and your hands on my shoulders, my brain short-circuited.

You leaned in closer and closer.

Close!  Close!  C-c-close!

Suddenly, a large smile spread across your face and you turned away.  Before I could register what had happened, you were out of sight.

Heart attack, much…  Ah…

That’s what you did to me.  You wrecked me.  You destroyed me.  You built up my feelings again.  Then you ruined me.  And how?  This is how.

“I can’t wait for later!  Ah!  We haven’t done anything together in so long!”  You cheered.

“Same here.”  I smiled in return, admiring the fact that maybe you never really grow up.

In that very same day, you came back with news of a guy asking you out.  I think it would’ve bothered me less if he wasn’t the one guy in the whole entire school that really gets on my nerves.  That was the day we were supposed to watch a movie together.  But good old Nichkhun showed up.  And guess who ended up third wheeling her own date?  Me.

“I feel like such a third wheeler.”  Sunny turned to me after looking at the new couple on her left.

You?  Really?  I got kicked out of my own seat too.

I have no idea what that movie was about.  The entire time, I sat there one seat away from you, silently crying.  When I finally returned home, I didn’t hold anything back.  I just lay there, letting the tears flow.

How could I have been so stupid?

I cried for hours until I finally fell asleep.  But of course, I woke up in the middle of the night and cried some more.  I hated doing this.  And guess what?  This went on every other day for three weeks.  My heart was just in pieces.  It hurt too much.

”You need to eat something, Taeyeon.”  My mom brought me a plate of fruits.

I didn’t feel hungry.  I just wanted to sleep.  And sleep.  And sleep.  Sleep is temporary escape.  When I wake up, it’s only a matter of seconds before I realize that we’re not together.  I’ll realize that we will never happen.  School is my escape as well but it’s also a trap.  I can take my mind off you and him but at the same time, I’ll see you there with him too.  And I’d watch myself slowly disappear from your life.

 “Okay, everyone, pack up.”  The teacher erased the writing on the board and sat down.

“Bye, Seohyun!”  I waved before she left and walked over to your desk.

“Do I need this?”

“Yes.”

“How about this?”

“That too.”

“You know what…  Forget this.”  You shoved everything into your backpack and zipped it up before lifting it onto your shoulder.

“Let’s g-”

“Hey, Tiff.  Ready?”  Nichkhun smiled and approached you.

“Yup, let’s go!”  You walked past me and spoke without looking.  “See ya, Tae.”

…  Okay… Ouch.

I sighed and stood up.

Looks like I’ll be walking alone today.

I walked through the crowd of people in the hallway, holding back tears while being shoved left and right.

Now, when I leave math class, I just run.  I can’t bear to see it.  If I don’t, I’ll start crying again.

But you know…

Despite the pain, the trouble, the inconvenience, the work and the humiliation you put me through, I still proved to you that I loved you.  Even if I had to redo my homework because my tears smudged the writing, I still cared.  I cared so much.  I loved you so much.  And you know what?  I did it.  I proved it to you.

Those one thousand cranes I promised…

Every day I sat down to fold a few until I finished them.  It took me a total of about 258 hours to fold you a thousand paper cranes.  I folded them so delicately and perfectly.

Many of which I folded while crying.

But I finished them.

And on your birthday, I handed them to you.

I put them in the nicest box I could find and attached 6 sticky notes on the lid.  I gave them to you.

You read the note.  Sunny told me you cried.  I cried while writing those words.  When I told you, you asked me why.

It’s because I meant every single word I wrote on those pieces of paper.

I wrote them down and they came straight from my heart without being filtered by my thoughts.

It wasn’t a confession.

But it was pretty damn close.

DASFKSJADFLJ ;~; Sorry this one took so long.  I spent the whole day out with good ol' 'Tiffany' and I was incredibly distracted by her when I got home too... heh...

But yes, the fluff overloads came to an end.  Although, not a complete end.  

Love is so harsh.

SO.  Originally, I had the whole chapter laid out but I wanted to do some last minute fixes.  I think it made the words a little more powerful.  Right?

Anyways.

I hope you guys have a luckier love life than I do >.< Because this hurts.

Happy reading!  ♥