I would be happy about being able to see you but then not long after, I’d feel sad again.  It was just the fact that I’m reminded of how I don’t get to see you that much that makes me sad.  I missed you so much that it drove me insane.

Every day, I would come home and no matter what I did, I would feel a pain deep in my chest.  It didn’t matter if I was laughing or smiling, on the inside I was just sad.  And at the time I didn’t even know why, which made it worse.  Well…  It was more like I didn’t want to know why.  Because deep inside, I think I knew exactly what was happening.  I just couldn’t accept it yet.

I just knew that I found myself crying when you weren’t around.  When you had special events at school to go to and you weren’t in class, I felt so lonely.  I found myself unable to work or focus when you were sick.

But when you were sick, so was I.  We were always physically close, too.  If one of us got sick, the other would get sick as well.

“We’re even now, eh?”  I smirked and sniffled at the same time.

“Yeah, we’re even.”  Your voice sounded deeper and rough.

“Make sure you drink lots of water and wear a sweater at all times!  And stay warm!”

“I know, I know!”

“Sorry, I just worry about you a lot.”

“I know that too.”  You smiled.  “But you should worry about yourself too.  What would I do if I lost you?”

“You’d be fine.”

“No, I wouldn’t.   I need you!”

I need you too.  I needed you then, and I still need you now.  But sometimes you just weren’t around.

“Oh my, so did he make you cry?”  You asked with a concerned face and a hand on my shoulder.

“Yeah.”

“Aw!  I’m sorry!  I wasn’t there for you!”  You leaned forward and hugged me so tightly that I almost couldn’t breathe.

“It’s okay, it’s okay!  I’m fine now.”

“I promise I’ll be here for you when you need me.”

I promise I’ll be here for you when you need me.

And I kept those words.  I’ve been keeping them for years, and there’s even more to come.  Even when it hurt me and even when it would absolutely destroy me, I kept that promise.

“Ugh, he’s there.”  You frowned and hid yourself behind me.

“What’s the big deal?  Just say ‘excuse me’ and open your locker.  Stop being so shy.”

“I can’t.”

“Fany, I know, you like him, but you have to stop being shy.  We need to get to class.”

“Fine.”

You awkwardly reached for your lock while saying the quietest words.

“Excuse me…”

“Hey.”  He didn’t bother to look up and continued stuffing his locker with books from his bag.

I rolled my eyes.

What a gentleman…

“Eh…”  Ever so slowly, you shifted his locker door over to make room for your own.

I watched from behind as you slipped and dropped all of your books on the floor.

“Smooth, Tiff.”  He chuckled before closing his locker and walking off.

I kneeled down and helped you brush off your binders and notebooks.

“He’s impossible.”  You sighed.

“Why do you even like him?  He’s hurting you.”

“No, he’s not.”

“He is.  I can tell.”

“I don’t know why…  I just do.”

Is it wrong to wish you didn’t like someone?  I’m sorry.  I don’t do it on purpose.  Back then, I just knew that he was hurting you and seeing you down just made me feel bad.  But that could only mean 2 things.  Either I’m a really great friend, or I like you.

“Hey, Taeyeon!”  You smiled and waved at me.

“…”

“Tae?”

“… Eh, huh?”

“Tae, are you alright?”

“Y-yeah.  I’m fine.”  I looked away, waiting for the heat on my cheeks to fade.

You giggled and lightly pushed me on the shoulder.

I think I just got caught, staring at you.

Agh…  Get these thoughts out of your head, Taeyeon!

Get them out!

I couldn’t get them out.  I can’t do that.  Not even if I tried.  And believe me, I did.

“Hey, Tae, do you wanna go hang out after school?”

“I…  I can’t.”

“Why, not?”

“I have to go home.  My mom needs to me do something for her.”

“Aw…  Pleeeeease.  Maybe you can call her and do it later?”  You pouted, giving me that begging puppy look of yours.

I looked into your eyes that were now smiling at me too.

Curse your eye smiles.

Curse your voice.

Curse the way you can control me.

I sighed.

“Alright…  I guess it can wait.”

“Yay!”  You cheered and attacked me with another hug that almost pushed me over.

Anything for a princess.

Even before my realization, I still referred to you as a princess.  You always needed me to save you, and I didn’t think of that in a bad way.  It felt nice to know that you actually wanted me in your life.  I just didn’t know that one day; I’d want you to be a special princess.  My princess.

“You do a lot for me.”  You broke a long silence as we sat in the stairwell.  “You do too much.”

“Well, it’s your fault, isn’t it?”

“Hey…”

“I’m just kidding.  I don’t mind.”

“Yes you do.  It bothers you.  I can tell.”  You smirked, reminding me of the conversation we had earlier.

“It really doesn’t.  Sure, for a while, I have to clear my schedule a little but that’s okay.  It’s for you, so it’s okay.”

Your lips curved into a smile.

“I love you!”  You grinned.

“Hey…  That’s a little embarrassing to say, don’t you think?”

I’m sorry I didn’t say it back at the time.

“Nope!  Not when it’s you!”

I didn’t know that now, I’d be the one saying it to you as often as if my life depended on it.  Bu you’re a part of me, aren’t you?  Anything you do, I’ll support.  Any of my success is shared with you.

“Hey!”  I hugged you with one arm around your waist, while holding a sign up with the other.

“Hey, Tae.  Can I have your sweater?”

“Uh, why?”

“I like it.”

“Well, sure, but you have to wait until Friday.  I kind of need this for my project here.  You know, it’s got my product logo on it and I’m trying to get people to buy stuff.”  I explained sarcastically.

“So, is that a yes?”

“That’s a yes.”  I smiled.  “Anything that’s mine is yours too.”

“Yay!  Thank you!”  You threw both arms around my waist and hugged me tightly.

The year ended with me setting a new goal.  I wanted my best friend back.  I just wanted to get to know you better.  I wanted things to be the way they were before.

As soon as I got home, I laid myself down on my bed and sprawled my arms and legs across the mattress.

I promise.  Next year, I’ll make it better.  I’ll make you smile, even if it’s the last thing I do.

The depressing part is over for now.  FOR NOW.  But prepare yourself for an overload of fluff ;)

You know what the scary part is?

She could be reading this right now and I wouldn't know.

But...

Would that be better?  I don't know.

Anyways...

Happy reading! ♥