I think I’d like a time machine…

To bring me back so I can figure out what happened.

“Hello.”  I walked onto the bus and sat down next to you.  I hadn’t seen you for the entire summer and I admit it, I missed you quite a bit.

“Hey.”  You looked at my uniform and laughed.

“What?”

“It’s so strange seeing you in a uniform or… anything more formal than jeans.”

“Oh shush…”  I gave you a playful smack on the arm.

“Relax, I’m just teasing you.”  You laughed even more while lightly shaking me by the shoulders.

“Some things never change, huh?”  I smiled.

“Yeah, some things never change.”

“This is going to be our 5^th year together.”

“Here’s to another 4?”

After 10 minutes, the bus pulled up in front of the school.

“Here we are…”  My eyes lit up as I viewed the school’s main hall from the front door.

“Compared to our old school, this place is huge!”  You followed closely with your hands on my shoulders, almost hiding behind me.

“Here’s to a new four years of our lives, eh?  You seemed more excited before…”

“I’m scared.”

“Don’t be.  We’ll get through it.  Together!”

“But we have almost no classes with each other.  You won’t be able to help me.”

“That’s alright.  I’ll just learn your subjects too.  That means more information for me and I get to help you!”

“Let’s promise that no matter what happens we’ll still be best friends.”  You stuck out your pinky and smiled brightly.

“Alright, I’ll promise if you do too.”

“I guess it’s settled then.  We’ll be best friends forever.”  You laughed cheerfully and surrounded me with a tight hug.  “I’ll always be here for you, I promise!”

Please keep this promise.

Please…

I’ll keep mine.

____

 “Ahh, we barely have any classes together!”  You squeezed your fists, crumpling my schedule paper.

“We already went through this on the bus.  I’m not going anywhere, don’t worry!”  I chuckled.

“But still.  I don’t get to see you.”

“Don’t worry.  You’ll be fine!”

“Who’s going to tell me what I have for homework or where I need to go?”

“You will.  You can handle yourself.”  I smiled.  “I’ll be here but you should try walking on your own.”

“And what if I fall?”

“I’ll catch you.”

“And what if you’re off doing something else?”

“Just trust me, will you?  I’m your BEST FRIEND!  I’ll catch you, and we’ll make it together.”

“Promise?”  You stuck your pinky out and grinned.

“Promise.”

I promise.

____

Promise is a big word.  But I knew how to keep one.  Although, keeping this promise changed me.  It changed my taste in music, believe it or not.  Now, I melt when it comes to stupid love songs.  Before, I despised the idea of them.

“What about you, Taeyeon?  What music do you listen to?”

“I don’t listen to a lot of music.  It’s usually the same songs, over and over again.  Mostly, my playlist has Lady Gaga, Pink, Katy Perry…  Those artists.  Anyone with a catchy beat I guess…”  I shrugged.

“What about ballads?  You know… slow love songs?  That kind of thing?”

“I don’t really like love songs.  In my opinion, they’re stupid.  At least… that’s what I think.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s not like people actually feel like that or say those things when they like someone.  That’s so cheesy and stupid.”  I scrunched up my face while laughing.

I guess…  I just haven’t experienced love yet.

Or maybe I just didn’t realize it yet.

It was so obvious.  Too obvious.

____

And without even noticing it, I was letting it tear me apart.

“So how are things holding up for you this year?”  The teacher asked, looking at my not-so-perfect mid-term report card.

“They’re okay…”  I muttered.

“Are you sure?”  He looked at me with curiosity, noticing my sad tone.

“Yeah.  Things could be better but I think I can manage to do that by the end of the year.”  My voice cracked, holding back tears.

“If there’s anything that doesn’t sit right with you, you can always tell me.”

“My science mark isn’t the best…”

“What are you talking about?  That’s not a bad mark at all.”

“It’s not the mark.  It’s the fact that there’s a G on my learning skills.”

“G stands for good…”

“But it’s not excellent.  My parents have such high expectations and everything…”

At this moment, I honestly hated this man for being so nice.  But looking back, I’m glad we had this meeting.  Sure, I humiliated myself and broke down, crying in his office.  But it made me realize something.

It wasn’t the fact that I wasn’t in the 90 range for my grades.  It was just an excuse as to why I was feeling the way I felt.  Ever since our first year of high school started, I’ve felt so neglected.

You don’t have a duty to look after me but I just felt so ignored.  So… worthless.  I didn’t know what to do except for cry and feel sorry for myself.

The funny thing is… back then I had no idea why I felt like this.  I thought I was just bothered by my grades.  But after a while, I looked back, realizing that I wasn’t doing badly at all.  It took a little more time afterwards to realize that I just missed you.

But there’s more to it.  And I wish I had realized this sooner.  Maybe I wouldn’t be in this mess.  Or would I?  Because I feel like it’s inevitable.  If something’s not meant to be permanent, it would be destructible.  But I wasn’t able to get over you.  Not for 11 months.  Maybe even longer.  I feel like it’s not going to end either.

I walked back to the science classroom.  I knocked on the door and returned to my seat, keeping my head held low.

“How’d it go?”

“F-fine.”  I continued copying down notes from the board, trying to hide my swollen eyes.

I could’ve told you about it.  But I didn’t want you to worry.

____

Sometimes, I wish I could just get over you.  Because when you met more people I often wanted to smack myself for feeling what I did.

“Taeyeon!”  You ran towards me and gave me a tight hug.

“Hey, who’s your friend?”

“Tae, this is Jessica.”  You smiled and while gesturing towards your new friend.

“Ah, hey Jessica.  I’m Taeyeon.”  I smiled politely.

“Anyways, I’ll be going home later than usual today.  We have a meeting to go to.  You won’t miss me too much, right?”

Oh, wipe that smirk off your face.

“You wish.”  I winked and waved while the two of you walked off.

Up until that moment, I never felt this before.  Thanks.  You taught me what jealousy feels like.  But of course, at this moment I wasn’t sure why I thought this.

What’s wrong with me?

I have absolutely no reason to be feeling like this!

This girl is your best friend.

You don’t love her that way.

No way…

Right?

I was so stupid.

____

Then you taught me what it felt like to be lonely.

“Hey, Fany.  Do you want to meet up after school?”

“Uh, is it urgent?  I can’t.  I have another meeting today.”

“Oh, that’s alright.  I just wanted to hang out again.”  I smiled, hiding some sort of awkward sadness I felt inside.

“I feel so bad.  I’m sorry!  I know we barely have any classes together.”

“No, it’s fine.”

It’s fine.

Really, it’s fine.

Don’t worry about it.

____

After a while, I thought my feelings receded, if there were any at all to begin with.  I thought that maybe I was hurting because we were just growing apart a little.  I was wrong.

“Go, Tae. Your dad is waiting.”  You pointed your chin in the direction of the car.

“But I don’t want to leave you.”

“I’ll be fine.”  You laughed and ruffled my hair.  “Now, go.”

“What about you?  What are you going to do?  Your parents aren’t here yet.”

The snow continued falling, landing on us softly.

For some reason, I kept thinking about how romantic this was.  Even though I didn’t know I had feelings for you, I kept thinking this.  The fact that our faces were only a few inches away, really didn’t help either.

“You’re too sweet.”

“Well, yeah.  I’m not gonna leave you here in the cold, all alone.”

I don’t know what got into me but I started leaning in closer… and closer… until…

“You should go.”  You broke into a smile before punching me in the arm lightly.  “I’ll see you tomorrow!”

You spun around and walked inside.

“Yeah…  See ya…”

What’s this weird feeling in my stomach?  I’m not sick, right?

I sighed, walking to the car with my dad waiting inside.

Butterflies?  No…

It can’t be.

Whatever.

It’ll go away.

… I think.

First chapter, first chapter!  It's a little peek at how Taeyeon and Tiffany start off with a little history in it.  The stories will get better, I promise! ;)

The later chapters are better because the events are more recent and I remember them better.  So please stick around!

Ah, I'm exhausted, but just for you guys, I waited until midnight to post this chapter since it's technically the 14th here.

Anyways...

I hope you enjoy this Christmas special to come!

Happy reading! ♥