Jessica's POV

I always hated the nighttime. Not because I didn’t like the dark, okay, that is a lie; I don't like the dark, but that's not the reason. The reason is because night meant that I would have to sleep and sleep was not something that ever came easy to me. No matter how tired I was, or how little I’d slept I still I had trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. Taeyeon always helped me fall asleep. I’d wrap my arms around her, tangle my legs with hers and put my head near her heart. Sometimes when I was really restless she would sing to me. I could slow my heartbeat to match her rhythm and control my breathing to mirror hers. That was how I fell asleep best. The problem was that Taeyeon didn’t always want to hold me. She wanted her space to sleep. I understood this, but that still didn’t help.

“Remember when we first started dating and we always fell asleep face to face with our arms wrapped tightly around each other?” I smiled at the memory. “That was back when you needed to hold me as much as I needed to hold you.” I didn’t expect a response, Taeyeon was used to my rambling, and it helped her sleep. Rarely she would actually reply to me. “I remember the first time we shared a bed. We barely slept because both of us just wanted to hold each other but were afraid to ask. Seems silly now.” Even as I said it I knew it wasn’t silly to me. We’d come full circle in our relationship but there was one major difference now, she didn’t want to be held by me anymore. 

I wondered how long we could go on like this before it would all have to end. It had been obvious for a while that she wanted out, but she didn’t want to hurt me, and I was still too in love to want to lose her. I knew she wasn’t happy, I just thought that maybe it was a phase; she’d grow out of it. Love would prevail; it always did, at least it did in the movies. I just knew that if I loved her enough and I waited long enough she’d realize what she had and she’d settle down. Even though I knew she’d never settle down, at least not with me. There were so many reasons, according to her, that we just wouldn’t work. But to me there was only one reason and that was her unwillingness to make it work. Even though I thought this I would never say anything like that to her, it would be o