There she was, walking down the hallway toward me. The love of my life, Jessica Jung. She was the most beautiful creature to ever walk the face of this pathetic planet; she was Korean-American and had baby brown eyes, creamy skin, and dark brown hair that looked like caffè americano. I loved her hair. It was long and bit curvy, but not curled. It stuck out in random places and fell in her eyes, but that just made her more beautiful. God, I wanted her.

But why would she want me? She wouldn't. Because I'm a stupid little girl with no chance at happiness or a future or love. I was small, too small. I got picked on a lot. I was only 5'2" and I weighed under ninty pounds. That was mainly because I didn't eat. Food always tasted like ash in my mouth and made me gag. No one noticed my lack of eating. I had no friends to sit with at lunch that would force me to eat because they cared about my well-being. I never went on dates for someone to notice that I would never order anything if we went out to eat. My parents were never home because they were too busy with their real lives to notice the daughter they never wanted. The daughter they wanted to be a boy.

Jessica is next to me now, getting into her locker that stands right next to mine.

"Hey, Taengoo," she said with a smile as she started shoving books into the dark blue metal box the school assigned us.

Yes, my name is Taeyeon; Kim Taeyeon. Taengoo is actually my nickname. Most people don't know that, but it is. 

"Did we have homework in History?" she asked. I nodded silently, not speaking. She smirked, "What was it?"

"He gave us a worksheet. We have to define to terms on it." I said shakily, shocked that she was saying more than 'hey, Taengoo', which she said every day when we ran into each other at our lockers.

"Oh, I remember that now," she said, "Thanks, Taeng."

I turned away, blushing. No one had never given me a nickname before other than "Taengoo". For some reason, that little name made me feel... special.

After shutting my locker, I walked away from her. I didn't want to. I wanted to stay as close to her as possible for the rest of my life. I'm thinking of asking her what college she's going to and following her there then taking the same classes, having the same major, living in the same dorm and then follow her to see if we could work together. We would be together all the time without actually being... together. I get more and more pathetic as each day passes.

I adjusted the strap of my bag that dug into my boney shoulder as I started walking down the tiled steps of my school. Everything suddenly went blurry. I heard a scream and pain seemed to slap me and kick me in the gut at the same time as the world went black.

***

I woke to the sound of a heart monitor beeping. There was something up my nose and my arm itched. I slowly opened my eyes and stared at a white ceiling. I rolled my head because it was too heavy to lift and stared at my arm. There was a needle in it. I wanted it out. I hate needles.

I reached for the nurse call button on my bedside table only to realize I didn't have the strength to lift my arm more than two inches off of the bed. I opened my mouth to call for someone, but my lips cracked and my tongue was dry. I felt like it was filled with sand, a small desert hidden from the world by my now bleeding lips. I whimpered because it was all I could do.

"Look who's awake," I heard a familiar voice grumble. I shifted my eyes and saw my older brother, Jiwoong Oppa, standing in the door way. I whimpered again and he chuckled, laughing at how pathetic I was. I open my mouth again and wheeze, then cough. It hurt so much that tears rolled down my cheeks. My throat was burning and there was nothing I could do.

He sighed heavily and walked over, sitting on the foot of my bed, "What do you want?"

I croaked and pointed at the water. He picked it up and held it to my lips while holding my head up. I downed the whole glass in seconds, causing my head to throb, but my thirst was quenched.

"What happened?" I whispered, but it came out as a weird croaking noise.

"You fainted," said Jiwoong Oppa, "Passed out at school and took a tumble down some stairs. You hit your head quite a bit. They were surprised you didn't have a concussion. Oh, and your ankle's fractured,"

That's just great. Thank you, God, for making my life just a bit more miserable.

"They also say you're malnurished and slowly dying. Mind explaining that?"

I just looked at away from him. I desperately wanted to have the things removed from my nose and arm. They itched and I couldn't breathe right.

"You have no reason to be starving, Taengoo. I was home a few hours ago and the fridge is full and so is the pantry. I never thought you were so stupid as to starve yourself for attention from Mom and Dad-"

"It wasn't for attention!" I tried to shout, but it came out breathier than I had meant it to, "I just don't like food, ok? I don't want to eat. I have no reason to eat."

"How about it keeps you alive?"

I just stared at Oppa a moment and tried not to cry as I spoke, "I don't really have a reason to live, now, do I?"

He frowned, "What do you mean?"

His jaw was clenched in a grimace and his ebony eyes were narrowed and contempplative. I hated looking at him and his sleek black hair and charming grin and suave good looks and his tall, muscular body. He made me feel like I'd been beaten with an ugly stick or something. I hated him. He was the perfect son. I was that thing that lived in the house that no one wanted. No one had ever wanted it and no one ever would.

"Why should I live?" I a