=Light Up Like The Fireflies=

When I opened my eyes the next day, light had entered the bedroom through the glass windows and when I sat upright on my bed, I saw that Yixing is still on his own bed across from mine, sleeping in a starfish position. The sleeping position he was at two weeks ago when he and I first met.

I half-smiled at the thought and sighed. I ran my fingers through my hair to fix it because it is too messy that I really look like a witch. I looked down at my outfit and noticed that I’m still wearing the outfit I wore yesterday at the airport. I didn’t have time to change my clothes last night because I was too preoccupied by the thoughts of me marrying Tao and me breaking up with Chanyeol.

I turned to the side to get out of the bed. When my feet hit the ground, I fixed my bed and put on my slipper. I furrowed my eyebrows when I realized that the other one is missing so I ducked to search for my other slipper under the bed and there it is! I extended my right arm to get it. I cannot really get under the bed because the bed is only two-feet tall so I let my hands wander under it for seconds.

I felt a little scared that another creepy hand might drag me from under the bed but… duh… I don’t believe in ghosts.

I felt something and I’m really sure that it wasn’t the puffy fabric of my slipper. It’s more like a paper.

Out of curiosity, I slid it out and—Wait.

No.

No.

No.

No freaking way!

I squatted on the warm floor of the guestroom and gulped. I slowly unfolded the piece of paper with a trembling hand and for the first time in weeks, I felt the familiar feeling that once rushed through me the first time my first love sent me his first letter.

To my dearest Tink,

What I expressed verbally at the airport is not the feeling that is being expressed by my heart. I may not have run back to you and engulfed you with a longing hug yesterday, please believe that my feelings never changed.

I know I have failed miserably in fighting for us, Soojin, but only if you could look through my heart to see who it is beating for, you would know how truly and deeply in love I am … and you would know that I’m missing you.   

I may be expressing my feelings for you through letters. Cold I may seem. But love doesn’t seem to be shown. It is found in the heart just as how it is found deep in mine.

As I write this tonight, the words are hard to flow. But no matter what, I want you to know that I still love you. And I want you to know that I do care. My words will never be able to describe exactly how I feel so, let me end this letter with 6 simple words, straight from my heart:

I love you and I’m sorry.

Love,

Kris     

When I read his name at the bottom, tears started to roll down my cheeks. I hugged my knees and I buried my face between it, still holding the letter on my hand. 

He has no idea how much I miss him. He has no idea that I still love him after all he did yesterday. He didn’t know that I—

“Soojin?”

I quickly wiped the tear on my cheek and looked up.

There stood Yixing looking down at me in his pyjamas and t-shirt and a y bed hair.

He offered his hand for me to take it and I did. He slowly pulled me up from the ground and we’re now close to each other. He stared down at me and he wiped a remaining tear from my other cheek.

“Why are you crying?” he asked.

I avoided his gaze and looked down. “I think he never left.”

I can already picture Yixing furrowing his eyebrows. “What do you mean? Who’s ‘he’?”

I looked back up at him. “I think Kris never left. He’s here in Seoul.”

I expected him to be shocked or to panic but he never did. He just nodded his head as if he understands the situation. “Yes. He never did… but he’s not here in Seoul but at the other city.”

“H-How did you know? Are you sure of that, Yixing?”

He nodded once again. “Yes. Soo-Man told the twelve of us about it at Macau. I feel bad for not telling you because I know how much you…”

He paused as if he doesn’t want to say the next words and as if he can’t accept that his next words are the truth.

“Because I know how much you love him, Soojin.”

I smiled slyly. “Yes. I do.”

He sighed and looked down. “You go take a shower first. I’ll just go downstairs to help D.O. and Mrs. Kim prepare breakfast.”

I nodded and headed to the cabinet and placed Kris’ letter inside my messenger bag. I get my outfit and towel. I headed next to the bathroom and locked the bathroom door and at the same time Lay closed the bedroom door behind him to go downstairs.

[A/N: Soojin’s outfit for the day: http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=107646672]

The day went by quickly. The things I did today are mostly talking to Suho’s mother about the wedding and that my grandfather had requested that she’ll be the one to take charge in preparing the upcoming wedding. I didn’t really complain because Suho’s mother is really nice. 

After we all had dinner at the long table inside the dining room, I noticed that my grandfather had left already. I asked Tao where he is and he answered that Soo-Man already left last night.

I was sitting at the foyer reading a wedding magazine when I felt someone sit beside me. I turned to him to show him a beautiful venue inside the magazine. “Hey, Tao. Look at this. This place is— Xiumin?”

He smiled at me and looked at the wedding magazine I’m holding and then he smiled but not the kind of smile that makes his face light up. “I see you’re already planning your wedding.”

I nodded.

He sighed and stared straight ahead. “Do you want to go outside and hang out?”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “And go where?”

He smirked and he took my hand causing me to drop the magazine. He led me outside the house and we got inside a car. I laughed a little when he told the driver, “The usual place.”

The driver nodded and the car moves away.

“Oppa, Tao would literally kill you later, you know.”

He just laughed as the car moves outside the gate and pulled on to the street. “Nah… I’m stronger than him.” And then he shrugged like a boss.

I laughed.

Xiumin smiled and nodded. “Yep.”

The two of us walked and I caught a glimpse of a miniature flamingo and I realized that we are heading to the garden.

“So… you knew already?” he asked me.

I looked at him as we both walk. “Know what?”

He caught my gaze. “That Kris never left. That he’s just somewhere here in Korea.”

I nodded and didn’t speak. The stoned path came to an end and we walked through a grassy path. We both reached the garden and I was really amazed when I saw a lot of winking fireflies. I grinned and tried to chase the fireflies like a three-year-old girl. I tried to chase the flies into the dark corners of the garden but failed to catch one so I sighed in defeat and pouted.

I squatted on the grass and looked around the place where the only sources of light are the fireflies and one lamp that barely illuminates the whole garden because of the small amount of light it gives off.

I heard Xiumin chuckle and the next thing; he’s already squatting on the grass beside me.

Xiumin’s POV

I squatted beside her on the grass. I don’t understand why Soojin chose to sit here when there’s a garden bench just a few feet away from us. When I looked at her, I was surprised that the cute pout is already replaced by her heart-stopping smile as she looks up at the fireflies.

I smiled to myself and also looked up but unlike Soojin whose eyes are glued at the blinking lights, I keep on glancing at her every five seconds with a small smile. It’s nice seeing her like this. It’s nice knowing that I’m one of the reasons why she’s smiling right now. I bet it’s been a long time when she put on a real smile on her pretty face.

We just sat there, our shoulders touching, barely saying a single word.

A few minutes later, she sighed in amazement and I found it the perfect time to talk. “I know you’ll like them, dongsaeng.”

Dongsaeng?

I’m calling her ‘dongsaeng’ again?

‘Xiumin, remember to note that this would be the last time you’re going to call her dongsaeng. ‘ I thought to myself.

She looked at me with a serious face. “Like? I don’t like it!”

My smile faded. I thought I already made her happy just by doing a beautiful little thing for her, but I was wrong. She still feels miserable. I tried not to look at her but I saw that she’s grinning like an idiot. She shook my arm as she giggles. “I LOVE it! I didn’t remember seeing anything like this in my life! Why didn’t you tell me this garden looks so beautiful at night when we were still staying here?”

My face lit up and I grinned. I looked up at the fireflies for a second and then I turned back to Soojin. “Well… This house is located near the woods so… You could see fireflies here at night.”

Soojin smiled. “Thank you for bringing me here, Oppa.”

I placed my hand in front of me and waved as if I’m saying ‘no’. “You don’t have to thank me. I just want to make you happy.”

She scooted closer to me and I swear… I swear… My heart skipped a freaking beat.

She nudged my shoulder lightly and she smiled. “But still… Thank you. I appreciate it.”

I stared at her. “I’m glad.”

She moved away and I kind of felt disappointed.

“I also want to tell you something.” I told her.

“What is it?”

I sighed. “I’ll be leaving for Washington tomorrow.”

Soojin’s POV

The moment those words left Xiumin’s mouth, my heart sunk. Yes, I did gain a friend last night which was Lay but I didn’t know that another friend, which is Xiumin, would eventually leave just because I got another friend aside from him.

“Why?”

I asked him fighting back tears. I don’t want him to leave. He was there when there were times when Tao wasn’t around to protect me. He’s the first person I ran into when I got my first freaking kiss. He was there to comfort me. Who will wake me up every morning now?

He’s the best older brother I’ve never had and if he’ll leave… I will surely miss him.

Xiumin sighed for the second time. “I can’t tell you the main reason why because your grandfather would kill me.”

That old man again?!

What did I do this time?

He continued. “But there are other reasons though.”

“Tell me.” I demanded.

He looked away from me and stared at the woods. “Your grandfather chose me to go on this task because he figured out something and I never expected him to figure it out because I don’t remember telling the boys about it. The only person who knows about it is my mother.”

The next thing, I bombarded him with questions. “Task? What task? And what is this thing that my grandfather figured out?”

“I can’t tell you about the task… but it does involve you and I don’t want to fail this “task” because if I fail, there’s a possibility that I wouldn’t get to see you again. And that thing that your grandfather figured out? It’s my feelings.”

“Huh?”

He just shrugged. “Just don’t mind it, Soojin. You wouldn’t understand anyway because you already have Kris.”

“Huh?” I say for the second time.

After a few moments, I just let it be and I sighed. “When will you come back? Please tell me you’ll come back.”

He smiled but not the kind of smile I see when we’re together. “Maybe after the wedding. Or next month. Next year… I don’t know. But I will be back before Exo’s comeback even though I’m not yet done with the “task”.”

He continued. “Another reason why he chose me is because… Your grandfather is under the impression that I’m planning to stop your wedding right in the middle of the ceremony.”

I smiled at the thought of it. I would imagine Xiumin in his suit running as fast as he can and then he’ll stop right in front of me and Tao, catching his breath and sweat is running down his forehead, and then he’ll drag Tao away from me. That scene would be hilarious.

My smile faded and I put on a serious face. “Are you really going to? Are you really going to stop the wedding?”

Xiumin laughed a little. “I would be lying if I tell you I hadn’t thought about that.”

I laughed. “That’s why I love you.”

And then his face lit up and he put on a hopeful smile. “Y-You do?”

I smiled and nodded.

He brought his hand to my face and then he runs a thumb along my left cheek. “I love you, too.”

I smacked his arm playfully. “Of course, you do! I’m the best younger sister you’ve never had!”

I laughed but stopped when he didn’t. His smile already faded and he looked down when he noticed I’m staring. “So, you mean… you love me like a dongsaeng loves her older brother?”

I gave him a confused look. “Of course! Is there any other reason?”

He put on a smile again and I know that smile’s fake. What’s wrong with him? As far as I know, Xiumin never put on a fake smile. If he’s not happy about one thing, he would never hide it with a fake smile. He would just put on an expressionless face if he doesn’t like something.

He stared at me this time. “Soojin, you said you love me…”

I nodded. “Yes.”

He hesitated for a moment. “As an older brother.”

I nodded again.

He leaned in closer to me. I don’t feel uncomfortable though because it’s Xiumin. 

“Soojin, do you want me to leave?” he asked and I can see it in his eyes that he wouldn’t take ‘yes’ as an answer. Duh…. As if my answer to his question is yes.

“Of course I don’t want you to leave.”

He smiled. This time it’s a real one. “Soojin, if you love something, you have to set it free. You have to let me leave.”

I looked down and a tear fell on my cheek but Xiumin wiped it away quickly using his thumb.

“Oppa, w-what if… What if that thing- or that person that I love wouldn’t come back?” I ask more tears treathening to fall. I can’t let him leave. He’s the only trusted friend I got right now.

Xiumin held my face. “Soojin, if you love something it would come back… but at the right time.”

Then he looked up. “Just like the fireflies.”

He looked back at me. “You love them, too, right? They would disappear on our sight when the morning comes but comes back when the night returns.” He says. “I’ll always come back to you, too, anyway. No one can stop me. Even Lee Soo-Man. I’ll come back because you love me, too, just like the fireflies.”

I grinned and spoke in a teasing tone as I nudge his arm. “Why would I love you the way I love the fireflies? You don’t light up like them…”

Xiumin half-smiled and ignored what I said. He ran a thumb along my left cheek again.

“I do when I’m with you.”