=Truth is...=

“Baobei?”

I heard a mumble but I didn’t catch the word.

I felt a hand shaking my arm that caused me to be half-awaken. I covered my face with the pillow and huffed. I heard a familiar chuckle but I still couldn’t determine whose chuckle it is.

“Hey, jagiya! Wake up!” I heard a yell near my ear that almost broke my eardrums. I uncover my face with the pillow and smacked the person’s head with it as I angrily say, “Xiumin oppa, what the hell were you thinking waking me up with a freaking yell?!!”

“Ouch! What the hell?!” The person said in irritation.

Holy.

I shifted on the bed to look at Xiumi—Tao?

I quickly sat upright and shoved my hair out of my face. “OH MY GOSH! I’M SO SORRY!” I say as I got out of bed. Judging from Tao’s position on the bedroom floor, I think he fell because of the hard smack. His face is full of pain as he rubs his head. I sat beside him and slapped his hand away from his head so I could replace it with mine. I rubbed his forehead.

He is staring at me the whole time.

I cleared my throat when I dropped my hand. “So… uhhh… Does it still hurt?”

Tao smirked. “Not anymore.”

I nodded and we both sat up.

“Where’s Xiumin?” I asked.

He sighed. “He’s taking a shower.”

“Oh.” It was all I have to say. Damn. This is awkward.

He nodded at me once and he made his way towards the opened door as I follow him so I could close the door behind him once he’s already outside. I exhaled and hesitated if I should close the door because I badly want to apologize because of yesterday. But before I could shut it close, Tao pushes it from outside the room.

“I’m sorry.” We say at the same time once the door is already wide open.

We stared at each other for a moment and both of our lips slowly curved into a smile. The next thing, the two of us are already laughing. Before I could realize what he’s going to do next, Tao wrapped his arms around my waist and engulfed me with a bone-crushing hug. I hugged him back and my feet left the ground because he’s already lifting me up. I squealed when he attempted to lift me higher but then he suddenly dropped me when we heard a voice behind Tao. Thankfully, it didn’t hurt my ankle.

“Aside from Tao, Soojin. What are the other things you want in life?”

We both turned to look at the person and we saw Jongin standing there with a fake smile and eyes having a hint of hurt and jealousy.

“J-Jongin… I…”

His smile faded. He shakes his head that obviously says never-mind and his eyes are telling me why-am-i-even-wasting-my-time-on-you.

“Tsss…”

Jongin started walking towards the stairs and before he proceeded to go down, he turned back to us and yells, his voice echoing along the hall, “Enjoy!” His tone was full of sarcasm when he said that word.

I groaned in frustration and pulled my own hair angrily. “Stupid, Soojin.” I slapped my cheek. “Stupid.” I slapped my other cheek. “Stupid. Stupid. Stupid!” I say to myself as I repeatedly slap both of my cheeks with both palms.

“Hey. Hey. Hey.” Tao says fast as he places a hand on my shoulder. “Just don’t mind him.”

I looked up at him with sad eyes. “How can I not?!” I whined and hesitated whether I should say the next sentence or not. “…I c-can’t stand it when he’s mad at me.”

Even though I said those words under my breath, Tao still heard it. I looked up at him and he smiled. “You never know, Soojin… Maybe he also couldn’t stand getting mad at you. Maybe later at breakfast, he will forget what happened earlier and he will just smile flirtatiously at you so…” I laughed at the word ‘flirtatiously’. He pinched my cheek that startled me. “…cheer up! You’re too beautiful to frown. Don’t let the frown ruin your beauty.”

I nodded my head and stepped inside my room. “I-I’ll just take a shower.”

Tao nodded and he walked away with a smile when I started closing my bedroom door.

I got out of the car first and Tao, Jongin and my mother followed. Xiumin isn’t with us because he wanted to stay at my mother’s home because my grandfather will arrive soon. I wanted to stay too but my mother says it’s an important appointment and that the three of us (Me, Jongin and Tao) should be there.

DUTEOUS BABY NURSE & CPR TRAINING CENTER

I frowned at the modern two-storey building. I’m having a weird feeling about this. I turned to the person who is standing beside me. “D-Does it… involves babies?”

Jongin nods and I didn’t expect it to be Jongin because I thought he’s still mad at me but I guess right now, he’s not anymore.

“Y-Yeah. I think so.” He says and turned to my mother. “Are we going to apply to be baby nurses?” he asked with a laugh.

My mother just looked at him with a serious expression. “No, Kai. The three of you are going to be trained not because you’re going to be “nannies” but because… because…”

It is obvious in my mother’s facial expression that she doesn’t want to continue so I finished it for her. “…because I’m going to take care of a baby a year from now. Right, mom?” I ask, nervousness rushing through me.

My mother slowly nods.

These past few days, I’m starting to accept it but now… why does it feel like I want to back out? I want to run away but if I do, it’s impossible because my grandfather will be arriving here in Washington a few hours from now.

Maybe if my grandfather’s still in Korea, it will be easy but now I got no chance to escape this. All I have to do is to face this because my grandfather’s health is at stake. He might be out of the hospital already but he is still not fully recovered. I don’t know how many remaining years are meant for my grandfather. Once he’s gone, he will pass SM to me. Once that time comes, I should have a son or daughter already to secure SM just like how my grandfather secured the entertainment company by having me as an heiress today. I should be done with college at a business school with highest marks so that SM would remain at the peak.

We went inside the building and a blonde lady with her hair tied up in a bun, greeted us.

“We have an appointment with Mrs. Miller.” My mother told the lady with the three of us tagging along with her.

“Oh. This way please.” She says as she led us up the stairs. She guided us towards a double door and when she opened it, a peach room greeted us. She left when we got inside. The three of us looked around the room as my mother talks to the lady. She must be Mrs. Miller.

The room looks likes a classroom the difference is no blackboard is plastered on the wall. There are only nine tables and the tables are bigger than the desks students have in a classroom and instead of books places inside the shelves, baby essentials are placed and some things needed on how to take care of a baby.

My mother approached the three of us causing our eyes to stop wandering around. “I’ll go ahead. I still have to talk to your grandfather. I’ll send the driver to pick you up later. Okay?”

The three of us nodded. Mrs. Miller told us to find a table and we did. We chose the three tables at the second column.

“No. No. No.” Mrs. Miller says. “You should partner up with the different gender so that when you’re going to do it with your husband or wife to your baby nine months from now, adjustment wouldn’t be a big problem. But you decide who you’ll partner with later once Miss Young arrives. She was supposed to have an appointment with me yesterday but I wasn’t able to meet her because of an emergency.”

The three of us didn’t speak and Mrs. Miller told us that she’ll be out for five minutes to get something at her office. When Mrs. Miller left, Tao and Jongin left their tables and joined me at mine.

“Be my partner.” The two said at the same time that startled me. It's more like a demand than a request.

I looked at Jongin and then at Tao. “Uhmmm… Maybe later when Mrs. Miller arri—“

“Mrs. Miller, I’m sorry I’m la—“

I was interrupted when the door burst open revealing a brown-haired girl. She must be Miss Young. The two boys looked at her frozen figure by the door with confusion on their faces. Looking at the girl’s physical features, she doesn’t seem like full American. Her eyes are also chinky just similar from ours. I’m guessing she’s also part Asian and part American like me. When it comes to her age, maybe she is a year or two older than me.

“O-Oh… uhhhh… sorry. I thought Mrs. Miller is inside the room. Sorry.” She says awkwardly in English. She forced a smile and closed the door behind her. She proceeded at the table where Tao was at a minute ago.

Tao turned to Jongin. “I should be partners with her. It will be Soojin and I’s baby we are going to take care of in nine months from now, anyway.”

My eyes widened and I was about to say something when Jongin speaks with an evil smirk. “You sure it will be your own genes that will be passed on to the baby?”

I furrowed my eyebrows. “W-What do you mean, Jongin?” I ask.

Jongin turned to me, the smirk never leaving his face but the smirk became less evil once our gazes met. “What I mean is… What if the baby is already born and it wouldn’t look like Tao because it’s not his genes that is passed to the baby but from other man’s?”

“Wait. Wait. Wait. What?” I asked again. “Jongin, don’t tell me—“

I was cut off when Tao spat. “Kim Jongin, can you please shut your mouth?! Just shut the up, okay?! Shut up!”

I placed a hand on Tao’s shoulder. “Hey, Tao. Relax.”

Tao just stared down at me with creased eyebrows.

I rolled my eyes at him. I groaned in annoyance and spoke the universal language. “You know what, you two? I don’t understand what the fudge you two are talking about but please stop it. It’s embarrassing! The girl beside us is looking at us weirdly because you two are arguing using our own language. Let us speak in English while we’re here in America, okay?! Geez…”

Tao’s mood changed and he looked beside him. When the girl turned to our direction, Tao quickly turned to me as he cursed under his breath. He scratched the back of his neck because he already realized how embarrassing he is. Let’s just hope that the girl isn’t a fan of theirs and that she didn’t record anything and that she wouldn’t sell it to the sasaengs.

Tao takes a deep breath and he glanced beside him and surprisingly, his mouth twitched into a small smile. The pretty girl who already looked away from us just stared at the ceiling awkwardly. I smirked as I look at Tao who is not looking back at me because his now curious gaze is fixed towards the girl. Hmmm… Looks like panda is intrigued with her.

I turned to Jongin not really caring that Tao is still looking at the girl. “Why are you even here? You should’ve stayed at my mother’s house.” I paused and felt small because of his stare. “It’s not like… you’re going to be a father soon.”

What I said caught Tao’s attention that made him look away from the girl and to turn back to us.

“What if it’s something like that, Tink?” he says still staring at me intensely. “What if what you said is the reason why I am here with you? What if in the next two or three years, there will be this cute kid that looks exactly like me and he or she will… call me Appa.”

His words made me nervous.

“J-Jongin, you’re kidding right?”

He just shrugged.

If it is real then I will really murder him literally. He already have the hints the made him conclude that I have feelings for him too and now he’s telling me this? Oh! Correction. I will murder Kim Jongin and his girl. Now he’s going to do something disgraceful and that is by getting that girl pregnant? Why didn’t he tell me he already has a girlfriend? What about those letters he gave me? Was it all faked?

Not unless he is getting married… or maybe my grandfather made arrangements for him that I don’t know of. What if just like me and Tao, Jongin will also be trapped in a fixed marriage and he just kept it as a secret? What if—No. No. No. I have to get these thoughts out of my mind. Maybe I’m just paranoid.

“No, seriously… Why are you here?”

Jongin was about to open his mouth when Tao joked. “He got someone pregnant.”

Jongin smirked and it seems like he took Tao’s joke seriously. “Correction, Huang Zitao. I will get someone pregnant.”

And then Jongin stared at me again with great intense as if he’s expecting something from me or indicating something. Unfortunately, I am too confused. Boys are sometimes difficult to understand.

I mean… Yes I quite understand what Jongin said but it is just a joke anyway so I shrugged it off.

The door opened again and there is Mrs. Miller. She stood in front of us. She started talking in English. “Hello. First of all, not to offend you guys or anything, but I hope you can understand English…”

The two boys beside me nodded hesitantly.

“… I am Mrs. Amelia Miller and I will be your trainer. Duteous Baby Nurse & CPR Training Center is meant for those who want to be a nanny but the private sessions with me will not be because you want to be a nanny…” She laughed lightly which caused us to smile a little. “… but because you are going to be parents soon.”

And with that, my smile faded because it reminded me of something I’m still hesitating to do. The thought of being a parent at eighteen gives me really weird feelings.

“Okay! So… you may now go to your partners!” Mrs. Miller says as she claps her hands.

Tao sighs in irritation and says, “I’ll go ask the girl to be my partner. There’s no use anyway if I’m going to argue with Kai.”

Tao started walking away.

“Hey, Tao! We're supposed to be— ” I called out but he cuts me off.

“Just go partner with Kai. You’re bound to do these things with him to your baby anyway.”

“What?” I asked quietly with furrowed eyebrows.

What things? The thing about taking care of a baby? The thing about how to ease the baby to sleep at night? The thing about providing soothing baby baths? The thing about changing the baby’s diaper?

I mentally rolled my eyes.

If those are the “things” Tao is referring to, why would I take care of my baby with Kim Jongin when in the first place, Huang Zitao is the father? He is supposed to do these things with me. Tao is supposed to be the one that will take care of the baby with me, right?

Tao walked away. I watch him as he approaches the girl who is all alone at the table. Since the room is quiet, I can hear their conversation that sounds like a whisper. Tao asked if he could be her partner and she nodded her head with a smile and bowed quickly. Tao introduced himself to her and the girl told him her name: Jaerin Young. With the way the girl reacts, she does know Tao but it looks like she’s not that kind of obsessed.

Mrs. Miller approached me and Jongin. “Is it alright if I teach Miss Young and Mister Huang first? It would be better if I teach you by pair so that if you have questions, I could answer it right away."

I immediately nodded with a smile because I really need to talk to Jongin. “Sure, Mrs. Miller.”

She smiled and walked towards Tao and Jaerin and when she reached the two’s table, she started, “So, the first thing I will teach you is how to feed a baby.” She pointed at the big shelves. “We have baby dolls that could be an alternative so it is still the same as feeding a real baby but these baby dolls is not like those dolls that you could buy at toy stores…” and she continued speaking and grabbed two baby dolls. Looking from here, it really looks like a real baby. One of the baby dolls' legs moved when Mrs. Miller pressed a button at the back of the doll. 

I looked away from them and turned back to Jongin.

“You’re a ert and you pissed him off.” I say in a cold tone.

“What I said true.” He says with a laugh.

“Jongin, stop it. It’s not funny.”

“Why, Soojin? Don’t you want me to have a family with the girl that I love?” he asks moving closer towards me.

“You’re too young.” Though deep inside, I want to tell him, ‘Yes. I don’t want you to have a family with that girl because it would hurt me. It hurts that I am not that girl.’

I badly want to kill that girl that he is talking about... even though I don’t know who the hell she is. What else is the reason why Jongin is here with us training to take care of a baby? It is because he’s going to be a father soon and he is going to marry a girl that I don’t know. There’s no way in hell he will train for these things because he is bored and he wants something to do.

I sigh. “Like what I’ve said Jongin. You’re too young.”

‘Too young to marry someone and it’s too early for you to be married. You should wait for me, Jongin.’ I thought to myself.

“Says the one who’s going to undergo in-vitro in a few weeks at only eighteen.” He says with a light laugh.

“No, seriously. I’m doing this for my grandfather and for SM and I’m not going to have… to have… to have to get pregnant. I won’t do the natural way just to get pregnant. I’ll go with the artificial.”

I said the word like it’s a serial killer’s name. As if that word can bring me to danger and as if the people would avoid me if I mention that word.

I sigh, clearly uncomfortable of the topic we are having.

“You never answered my question, Soojin. Don’t you want me to have a family with the girl that I love?” he asks and I can see it in his eyes that he badly wants me to say yes.

“W-Well… If you love her… and you won’t hurt her and your kids, then go ahead. My answer is yes, Jongin. I want you to have a family with the girl that you really love.” I say as I choke back tears and thankfully, no tear fell on my cheek.

‘Even if it hurts.’ I thought to myself again.

Damn. That girl is the luckiest girl. I feel envious.

“Yeah. I love her too much and I would love to have a wonderful family with her.” Jongin says as he stares at me lovingly as if I am that girl. Take note: As if.

I looked away from him with a fake smile. Now I am confused. I thought that it’s me he loves. What about those sweet and heart-melting actions he does that made me feel like he loves me? What about those words he wrote in his letters? A joke? Maybe I just assumed too much. Finally I know what Tao felt. Now I know the feeling when a person you love kept your hopes up.

“The problem is she wouldn’t know it was me who got her pregnant. She wouldn’t know I am the father.” Jongin says.

I just laughed when I thought that I already got what he meant. “What? Don’t tell me this girl that you are talking about is a p-e and she had… You know… don’t tell me she did it with a lot of guys that’s why she doesn’t know that it’s you who got her pregnant and she cannot determine who the father of her child is. What a… .”

“You’re not a !” Jongin quickly says.

I was taken aback. “Where did that come from? Of course I’m not a . I will kill the person who calls me a . I never went too far with a boyfriend. In fact when Chanyeol and I were still together, we only kissed and there are no tongues involved. And— Wait. Why did you transfer the topic to me? We’re not talking about me, Jongin. We’re talking about “the girl you love”.” I say.

“Itsthesamethingbecauseiamreferringtoyoueversincethisconversationhadstarted. Whycantyoutaketheinghintthatitsyou! Thatiingloveyouandthatiwanttohaveawonderfulfamilywithyou! [It’s the same thing because I am referring to you ever since this conversation had started. Why can’t you take the ing hint that it’s you! That I ing love you and that I want to have a wonderful family with you!]” He says which caused my brain to almost clot in confusion because I was trying to determine what language he used the whole time he was speaking.

“What?! Don’t speak using a different language. I can’t understand you.” I say in irritation.

“I didn’t speak using a different language! I was just talking really fast! What I wanted to say is I’m referring to yo—.” He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. He takes a deep breath. “Let me tell you this, Soojin. No, she’s not a or a or a . She’s an innocent and naïve angel.” He says looking at me in the eyes.

I looked down. “I don’t understand you, Jongin.”

‘I don’t understand why you love another girl.’ I thought again.

“Truth is… I miss you, Soojin. All the time. Every second. Every minute. Every hour. Everyday.”

Now what is this? A few seconds ago, he was talking about a certain girl that he loves and now he’s telling me he misses mer? What the hell is going on inside his mind?

I looked up at him nervously.

“That w-was clearly out of line, Jongin. Where did that come from?” I say as I started walking away to go to Tao and his partner but Jongin grabbed my hand and he placed it on his left chest. He pulled me closer to him not really caring that Mrs. Miller, Tao and Jaerin, who stopped on whatever they were doing, are alreadylooking at us. I even heard a crash and when I turned to Tao's direction, I saw him picking up the baby doll that he dropped. Our gazes met and a tear fell on Tao's cheek but he quickly wiped it away. He turned to Jaerin with a fake smile.

“It came from here.” Jongin says as he squeezed my hand that is places on his chest tightly. It made transfer my gaze from Tao to him.

I looked up at him and I swear I almost melted because of the way he stared at me. “…And it’s yours now whether you like it or not. Please don’t do something that could break it.”

Jongin leaned in and he placed a soft kiss on my forehead that caused me to close my eyes. I don't care if Jaerin or Mrs. Miller find this too cheesy but I don't care.

When Jongin pulled away, I looked down but he held my chin leaving me no choice but to look at him. He spoke and I feel affection in every word he says. “You see, Soojin. You’re like the soda in my wound… but you’re also the air in my lungs. You sometimes make me catch my breath for chasing you but it’s all worth it because in the bottom-line of my efforts, I know you’d still choose me.” He kissed the tip of my nose. “You always take my breath away that you don’t even know you are already mending my already shattered heart…

“You keep me alive, Soojin.”

Sorry for some typos and maybe grammatical errors because it is not yet edited and also I apologize because it's longest chapter ever since LAWKI started.

Thank you so much for reading!

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Jam