=Following The Different Direction=

From the balcony, I can see Tao at the end of the aisle looking uneasy and nervous as ever. I smiled to myself.

I saw my mother, wearing a blue dress, making her entrance marking the start of the procession. She walks down the aisle made of white roses’ petals scattered. She then took her seat at the left side of the aisle in the first row. The nine Exo boys, looking as handsome as ever in their suits, then followed and went arm-in-arm with the nine SNSD bridesmaids.

And then there’s Sehun, the last one, who is the best man.

I sigh.

If only Kris is here, he’d be the best man because he’s the one closest to Tao.

Sehun joined Tao at the altar and stood beside him. From here, I can see Sehun with a huge grin placing a hand on Tao’s shoulder. Sehun said something to Tao causing the nervousness on Tao’s face fade and a smile was formed. I can tell Sehun was trying to keep him calm.

I have no maid of honor. Yes. Because never in my life I experienced having a girl best friend. If only I could dress up Xiumin in a dress, he’d be my maid of honor.

I heard a manly cough coming from behind me. I turned around and saw my grandfather in his suit. Grandpa offered his arm with a smile and I smiled back. I accepted it. When we passed by my bedroom’s full-length mirror, I looked at myself for a few seconds. I’m wearing a white Jil Sander long dress and unlike the other brides out there, I’m not wearing a veil.

Something old: the wedding ring which my mother used to own

Something new: the white dress

Something borrowed: Xiumin’s manly bracelet

Something blue: the motif of the wedding (that’s why my mom’s wearing a blue dress and so are the other guests and the boys’ ties are also blue)

We exit my bedroom and we reached the huge opened door that leads to the poolside. Grandpa and I followed the trail of white petals and we reached the garden. As soon as we reach the garden, every one stood up and all eyes are fixed on us—or to be more specific to me.

I nervously smiled and there I saw Tao looking at me with those mesmerized eyes. He’s giving me the look of love at first sight and I totally regret that I refused to wear a veil because I’m very sure they can see my cheeks getting red as a tomato. I hate myself for not putting too much make-up.

When we reached the aisle, my grandfather removes my arm around his and he gave my hand to Tao’s. I hugged my grandfather tight and he whispered, “I’m sorry, my sweet.”

What does that mean? Does he mean that he’s sorry he put me into this situation?

My grandfather pulled away from me and he turned to Tao. “Take care of her.”

Tao nodded with a smile of assurance. “I will.”

Tao took my hand and we faced the preacher. My grandfather preferred a non-traditional wedding because if it’s traditional, it would come out to the media and then there’s my mother who cannot understand Korean so we chose this kind of wedding.

I looked up at Tao and he smiled at me. He then mouthed, “You look beautiful.”

I smiled back at him and we both turn to the preacher after everyone was seated.

The preacher then mentioned the words that I’ve heard a hundred times in the foreign movies. “Friends and families. We come together with heartfelt joy to witness the joining of Tao and Soojin as they dedicate themselves to one another in marriage.”

This is it. Say goodbye to the Lee last name, Soojin. Say hello to Huang.

Tao and I sat down and we listened to the Special Reading talking about true love.

“True love does not just consist of gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction…”

I then turned to my shoulder and my eyes meet his again. Jongin gave me a smile that didn’t reach his eyes and I smiled back.

I turned back in front.

The vows then was followed and Tao and I stood up to face each other. Tao looked at me with loving eyes and I stared back at him.

“Please join hands.” The preacher said so Tao and I did. Tao took a deep breath after breaking the eye contact.

This is it.

I just have to say the three words: Yes, I do. And then I’ll be Missus Huang. Girls would kill just to be in my position right now but they have no idea that’s it’s difficult to be Lee Soojin.

The preacher then spoke, “Do you, Zi Tao Huang, take Soo Jin Lee to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, in good times and woe, for richer or poorer, keeping yourself solely unto her for as long as you both shall live?”

Tao gave me the look of first love and he took a deep breath. “Yes, I do.”

And he smiled. I smiled back.

The preacher then turned to me. “Do you Soo Jin Lee take Zi Tao Huang to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and health, in good times and woe, for richer or poorer, keeping yourself solely unto him for as long as you both shall live?”

I smiled and was about to open my mouth when I turned my head towards the boys and we made eye contact again. My head is filled with the image of him and the little girl.

No.

Not now.

Please.

I closed my eyes and shook my head repeatedly to erase the image.

“Hey… Soojin?” Tao gently whispered leaning in close.

“Miss Lee?” the preacher said, trying to get my attention.

I opened my eyes and avoided Jongin’s gaze.

I turned to Tao who is having a confused expression on his face. I can also hear the people around us whispering about what’s going on.

“Let me repeat.” The preacher continued. “Do you Soo Jin Lee take Zi Tao Huang to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and health, in good times and woe, for richer or poorer, keeping yourself solely unto him for as long as you both shall live?”

Somehow, my tongue was tied for an unknown reason.

I turned to the people to look at my mother but instead of fixing my gaze on her, Jongin and I kept on having eye contact.

Tao squeezed my hand, waiting for my answer.

I was about to look away from Jongin when he slowly shook his head ‘no’ with those sad eyes of his saying please-soojin-no-don’t-do-this.

I quickly looked away and a tear fell on down on my cheek.

Tao extended his hand to wipe it away.

“Soojin?”

I took a deep breath. “T-Tao… I… I’m s-sorry.”

Tao dropped his hand from my face and I heard gasps from the people around us. Tao’s look of first love then faded and his eyes now are full of hurt and betrayal.

A tear escaped Tao’s eyes and he whispered. “W-What? N-No.”

Tao squeezed my hand as if he’s convincing me to stay.

I slowly let go of Tao’s hand as I turn and walk back towards the aisle, tears streaming down my face.

I hate you, Kim Jongin. I hate you…

I hate myself. I hate myself for hurting Tao.

I hate myself for being Lee Soojin. I hate my grandfather’s plans. I hate my grandfather for controlling my life.

I hate everyone.

A/N: Guys, please don't hate me on this.