=Offering Forever=

When I was younger, I used to think that one day, when I’ll be older; I will have a fairytale-like happy ending with the man that I will love. My adoptive mother once said when I was seven (when she’s not yet ignoring me) that one day I’ll find my prince charming and then I’ll have a happy ending with him. But… I was wrong. I should not have believed her.

Because this is reality and what’s happening to me right now is quite the opposite. I’ll be having a happy ending with my protector instead of my prince charming. My protector got to me first because my prince charming is still out there somewhere… maybe stuck in a tree or something… If you know what I mean.  My prince charming might not be brave enough or maybe he just can’t find the right timing to approach me.

Ughhh… I don’t know.

I stared at the dark blue water as I sit on the white bench just a few feet away from the pool. The boys are just inside the Kims’ house probably sleeping already since it’s already late. I can sense that one of them wanted to join me in here but he couldn’t because he knows I need some time. 

I remembered my first encounter with Kris. That time I was staring at the pool back at Exo’s house and that time I don’t know yet who Peter Pan is and I was trying to determine who he is among the boys and then he startled me that I almost fell on the pool but he held me. We stared into each others eyes and in that moment, I swear… he is the most beautiful boy that I have ever seen even with those ridiculous eyebrows of his. Cheesy I know but it’s the truth.

He leaned down and then he tried to kiss me so I pushed him off me, completely forgetting the fact that I’m less than an inch from the water. I can feel myself falling but still I didn’t regret that I pushed him off me because I don’t want to have my first kiss yet. I held on to him hoping that he will be strong enough to pull me up but unfortunately, we both fell.

He was so worried for me that time and he kept on insisting that I should go to the hospital or something. I introduced myself to him and when he introduced himself to me, he stuttered. It’s kind of funny because his face is epic. He was embarrassed. At first I didn’t realize that he almost said he was Peter Pan. He was like ‘I’m Pe- Pe- Pe’. That time, I thought he’s having a hard time pronouncing his name. I thought that his name starts with Pee. And then he yelled something about peeing and then he ran away and said that his name’s Wu Yi Fan.

It’s really unusual. I can’t believe I still remembered everything about my first encounter with him. I guess that usually happens the very first time you meet your first love. When you first meet the boy, you had no idea that he would be so important to you and then when you’re already in love with him, you’ll suddenly remember the exact details on how you two met.

His name’s Wu Yi Fan. He was my first love… but also my first heartbreak.

I know he loves me and he knows that I love him back because I told him those three words. Heck! He’s even the very first guy who made me say a sincere ‘I love you’.

I miss him.

But he gave up on me instead of fighting for me because he’s a coward. He’s afraid of my grandfather.

And I hate him for being a freaking coward. 

But as much as I hate to admit it, I want this wedding and summer to be over and let the next two months pass like a blur so I could see him again… and I know that when that time comes, he wouldn’t be the same Kris that I loved. There’s a big possibility that everything about him would change. It might be his attitude, looks, and maybe even the person inside his heart. There will come a time when I won't have a space in his heart anymore. I will be replaced. It might be another girl that he will meet. Someone better.

He wouldn’t be the oh-so-sweet Kris anymore who used to give me letters with words that could send me grinning and daydreaming like an idiot all day long.

I remembered earlier when I asked Luhan, ‘How do you know it’s over?’ and then he answered, ‘You know it’s over when you feel more in love with the memories you had with him than with the memories you hadwith the person in front of you.’

Even though there’s nothing really specific about my question, Luhan answered in right. And even though his answer is somewhat hard to understand, I got it. I understood. I know Luhan has his own meaning with his statement but I’m really sure that I got the exact meaning.

He meant that I’ll know my feelings for Kris is over when I realize that I’m more in love with the memories I had with him. I’ll also know it’s over when I begin to realize that the right guy who will give me the best memories to remember is just out there. That’s why I have to search for that boy. Who knows? Maybe I’m right. The right guy who will give me the best memories to remember could be stuck in traffic or a tree or something.

I heard scrunching from behind me which means someone is walking towards my direction. I looked over my shoulder and saw Chanyeol. I gave him a smile and then his lips curved into a smile too. He seems happy but when he’s already right in front of me, his eyes were sad… like he’s just faking the smile he gave me so I wouldn’t suspect something.

I patted the spot on the white bench indicating that I want him to sit beside me. He did and then I rested my head on his shoulder. I felt him crack a small smile. He took my hand and he played with my fingers.

“Why are you still awake?” I asked him, my head still resting on his shoulder as I stare at the water.

He chuckled. “Why are you still awake?” he asked me using the same question I asked him which he practically ignored.

“I can’t sleep.” I replied with a stubborn tone.

“I don’t have to ask you why you can’t.”

And then there was a pause. A few seconds later, he spoke again. “Thinking about Kris?”

I was surprised that he didn’t use that irritated and full-of-jealousy tone so I removed my head from his shoulder and looked at him. Maybe I was surprised because every time Chan and I talk about Kris, he has that scowl on his face and then he gets annoyed but right now, his expression is different… like it’s fine with him to talk about Kris.

I nodded and half-expected him to be angry but his expression never changed. It’s still the same.

“You? Why are you still awake?” I asked him.

He sighed and then he looked at me his eyes showing me that he’s worried. “I still can’t accept that you’re getting married already. I mean—you’re only seventeen, Soo Jin. You’re not even graduated from high school yet. There are still more interesting things that you could do but this marriage would be keeping you from doing that.”

I placed a hand on his shoulder. “I’ll be fine, Chan. Don’t worry about me.”

He looked at his shoulder where my hand is placed and he gently removed it from his shoulder. He squeezed it as he closes his eyes as if he doesn't want to let go of it. He took a deep breath and stared at me. “I can’t help it. I… I love you alright? I know you don’t love me back but I—I just… Honestly, all I want to do is to take you away from here and then we’ll go to a far way place so that you could escape this situation.”

I pushed his hand away from mine and then I looked down. “Chan… M-Maybe we could… just end this.”

And then he held my chin so I could look at him. I can see it in his eyes that he just can’t believe I told him that. “W-What do you mean ‘end this’? End what?”

I sighed and stood up from the bench. “This. Us. This relationship. We’re not officially over, Chan. I’m still your girlfriend and you’re still my boyfriend. I think we should end this.”

He stood up this time and then he held my face. “No. We’ll find a way. I’ll get you out of here, Soo Jin.”

I shook my head and bit my lip to prevent the tears. I didn’t speak. He leaned his forehead against mine and then he said, “Did I do something in the past that made you hate me aside from the thing about Dara?”

I looked at him causing our foreheads to have a distance but his hands are still holding my face closer to his. “No, Chan. I don’t hate you. You are one of the most important people in my life and I will never ever hate you… And the thing about Dara? I already forgot about it because I know that you never cheated on me… Because I know that you remained faithful to me even though I’m was still learning to love you.”

He just stared at me and then I noticed tears starting to form from the corners of his eyes.

“Soo Jin… W-Why? I love you and you know that.”

I looked down and now tears are starting to fall. “Chanyeol… I’m so sorry. I should let you go. You should let me go. I don’t deserve someone like you. You are too perfect for me. I’m not good enough.”

I paused.

“Remember when Kyungsoo and I ran away from you? Chan, you spent all night searching for me and you never gave up. Just let me go. You deserve someone better. You are a too perfect boyfriend and I'm not worth it.”

“Shhhhh…”

He leaned in closer and the tip of our noses touched.

“I only want to be the perfect boyfriend for you. I love you… so much. Please don’t leave me… Please…”

Tears fell from Chanyeol’s eyes and I can’t help but cry harder. He held my face that our lips are almost touching but I pulled away. “Chan… Just let me go! Please!”

Chanyeol keeps on shaking his head. He knows that I’m just lying. Why am I letting him go when now’s the time when I needed him the most?

I pushed his hands gently away from my face and tried not to sob as I pull away from him.

"I have to marry Tao, Chan. We have to end this.”

Chanyeol sighed heavily after he wiped the tears on his cheeks and then he slowly kneeled down on one knee. I froze and held Chanyeol’s arms to pull him up but I don’t have enough strength because I keep on crying.

“Chanyeol… Don’t do this…”

But he just looked up at me and I can see desperation in his eyes. “No. I have to do this if this is the only way to get you out of here. Marry me tonight, Soo Jin. Let’s run away from here. You will never regret it if you choose me.”

I just stared at him. I was speechless.

“Be my forever, Soo Jin…”

Tears start to fall on his cheeks again and I looked away because if I stare into his eyes for a long time, I might say yes because what he’s doing right now is a proof that he does love me and he’s serious… and that he will never love any other girl but me.

Chanyeol held my hands tightly indicating that he doesn’t want to give up on us and never will. He kissed it for seconds and then he looked up at me with sincerity in his eyes.

I was about to walk away when he hugged me really tight still kneeling down and he suffocated his face on my stomach as he sobbed. Tears uncontrollably streamed down my face as I pull him up. I tiptoed and gave him a gentle kiss on the lips and I felt him smile. He kissed me back. He held both of my cheeks and as we kiss, I felt love, sadness and longing.

When he deepened the kiss, I almost fell for it and forced myself to pull away and ran back inside the house leaving Chanyeol by the poolside.