Hey you, I stronggly suggest that you listen to the song before you read, there are no lyrics but just get the feel of the song. You can even read as you listen, and then read the lyrics are at the bottom. Enjoy :)

       Hyung what do you want to be when you grow up’? Jiyong asked him a few days ago and the question was now stuck in his head. At first he joked about the both of them taking their rap public, since the entire school already immensely loved them and they had an uncle who was in the music business, but Jiyong would not have any of it. He had no idea what he wanted to be, Jiyong already got an acceptance letter into the university of Seoul while he was still waiting for his. He wasn’t scared though, getting in shouldn’t be a problem with his football scholarship and his above average grades, what he was scared of was that everyone knew what they wanted to be, even Jiyong was already accepted into the premed program.

‘Why do you keep asking, what do you think I should be’? He asked Jiyong but Jiyong laughed. His normal, cute laugh ‘Hyung, I know something you would look good in but I can’t tell you, you have to make your own decisions’. One thing about Jiyong was, once Jiyong chose not to talk, that was the end of it. Amongst all the things Jiyong had kept from him, he’d been badgering the boy for the identity of the infamous first crush and Jiyong had yet to answer him. He was still sure it was the doctor man, the sight of the man made his blood boil. It was annoying how Jiyong would smile whenever he referred to him.

              Something was happening, something strange. Seunghyun sighed as he changed out of his jersey, “Can you believe coach cancelled practice”? A few boys hi-fived each other, they had all made it to the basketball court, only to be informed that the coach was out for the afternoon, which was why he was in a bit of a hurry; he desperately wanted to take Jiyong to the hospital but Lana ended up taking him. “Hey Seunghyun, wanna meet at the brigg later”? One of his teammates asked from behind, but he was too occupied with his thoughts to answer. He was starting to think that Jiyong didn’t want him in the hospital, he always made up some excuse and leaves him behind, and he would have gone regardless if he didn’t want to seem stalkerish, but not today. In fact he had a surprise for Jiyong, he’d gone to the hospital to get tested, and donated a large amount of blood, and thanks to his father, that blood would be the one administered to Jiyong right about now. Hey choi, you coming tonight”?

He smiled, “I’ll think about it” he picked his backpack, “T, I’ll call you”, he said to Taemin before running out.

“Go or not to go” he his car engine. Jiyong might not appreciate him pushing so much so he needed a reason to show up in the hospital.

Woah, he left it! Seunghyun caught eye of a brown ledger on the passenger seat, he launched for the book; it was Jiyong’s journal. Jiyong always guarded the thing like his life depended on it; it was unlike Jiyong to leave it behind. Don’t do it Seunghyun, don’t open it….

Okay he opened it. It was too tempting, and he was glad he did but he made sure he stopped himself before he got too far. It was he, the first person Jiyong crushed on was he and he couldn’t stop smiling. it doctor mcsucker!! The smile was first, and then the smile and giddiness was soon replaced by fear and pity. Their parents weren’t lying when they said Jiyong always looked up to him, he couldn’t even recognize the person Jiyong wrote about; Jiyong painted him in such a positive light. In Jiyong’s world, he was never ignored or pushed aside, in Jiyong’s world; Seunghyun hyung is the best brother in the world, he’s superman. He stopped reading when Jiyong turned sixteen, but even by then he’d read enough, like what career Jiyong saw him in. Jiyong really appreciated him; sixty percent of the journal was about him and he rest, about his illness/their parents. Jiyong seemed ridiculously brave but from the journal, but his journal revealed a very scared person.

“Are you okay”? Seunghyun heard when he opened the door to the Jiyong’s room in the hospital. The doctor was sitting beside the Jiyong who was smiling with a book in his hands, not his usual smile, the two were so engrossed in conversation that they didn’t notice him.

“GDRAGON”!!!! He burst into the room, a gesture that was supposed to be a joke but he ended up causing Jiyong’s catheter been ripped out of his hand, and almost knocking the blood iv stand to the floor. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I...” He was apologizing when the doctor cut him off “Do you think this is a joke, you’ve hurt him and you almost spilled it. What would happen if you had contaminated it”, the doctor sneered while tending to Jiyong’s catheter.

“Hyung it’s fine, it didn’t hurt much” Jiyong smiled at the doctor “T.O.P” Jiyong yelled, decreasing the tension in the room a little, and there it was, the smile he was used to. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you” he felt like a tool. “No hyung, it’s fine if you’re okay with seeing a random person’s blood flowing into my body. I’m a modern day vampire hyung” Jiyong said and chuckled.

“I guess that makes me your maker”

“What”? Both Jiyong and Minhyuk asked at the same time. God, he was such a narcissist  “I donated yesterday. Volunteer donor, number 015648156”, he was so proud of himself. The doctor checked, “It’s him”, the doctor scowled, “I have to get back to work” the doctor brushed past him, “Yes you should” he smiled at the doctor.

“Hyung” Jiyong called from the bed, “Wow I can’t believe you donated, and it just happened to be what they gave me”

Seunghyun walked over to the bed, “Oh no, I totally made that happen... you see, now you have my blood in you” he laughed as he climbed into the bed with Jiyong. “You are now mine forever hahaha” he did his Dracula voice.

They both sat side by side with their backs on the head board and legs stretched out, “I finally know what I want to be” Seunghyun said before turning to face Jiyong. He wanted to see the look on Jiyong’s face, “I want to be a lawyer”. The look on Jiyong’s face said it all; his face paled and his voice became heaved, he was struggling to get the words out. “I can picture it…Choi Seunghyun the lawyer” he loved teasing Jiyong, “What do you think dongseang”?

“Hyung...I think... I think it would be good”

“Someone who has become very important to me, made me realize that...”

“Hyung did you ever finish that book”? Jiyong changed the subject, “Jiyong”? Seunghyun was a little confused, he wondered if Jiyong knew about the diary but there was no way he could have, “No, I haven’t... I think I should read something else before finishing it, I don’t want it to end”, and the conversations went on from there.

2 hrs later

Time always seemed to fly whenever he was chatting with Jiyong, and Jiyong was now fast asleep on his shoulder. Jiyong understood him more than anyone else in the entire world, talking to him was simple and pure, and the closer he got to Jiyong the more he wanted. ‘I think hyung would make an amazing lawyer, hyung is my superman after all. Maybe he was supposed to scoff at the thought of being a lawyer, but when he read it, it was more like, Of course!! He wasn’t good at science like Jiyong, but one thing he strived in was art. He was going to try it, thanks to Jiyong. “Look at you, is hyung your pillow”? Seunghyun guided Jiyong, puling him down and placing his head gently on the pillow. He stared at the blonde boy for a while, Jiyong was pretty...too pretty to be a boy; his skin was smooth and a bit pale, and his lips pink. Jiyong’s blonde hair was as shiny as gold, and he couldn’t help but run his hands through it. Of course it was as soft as wool, it was no wonder everyone had the urge to ruffle his hair. For a moment, he wanted to take Jiyong and protect him from the world, “Thank you... thank you so much for giving me a chance to prove that I can be a good brother and friend to you... and for giving me a purpose. I know I should be content, but I wish you would open up to me more like you do in your journal. You don’t have to put up a brave face in front of me” he said while continuing to Jiyong’s hair, and it was as if a force pulled him down to Jiyong’s forehead, and he couldn’t help but place a light kiss on it. Oh God, what did I just do?

“Ahem” Seunghyun heard behind him, causing him to rise quickly. He was just caught being a ert to his brother. He turned to face the guest, it was the doctor who then walked over to the bed and removed the catheter from Jiyong’s hand and dressed the puncture site, before throwing out the empty Iv, and covering Jiyong with a duvet. “So what? There are no nurses in this hospital anymore”? Seunghyun asked before laughing awkwardly. The doctor obviously saw what he’d done to Jiyong, “A word” The doctor gestured before walking out of the room.

“I have nothing to say to you” Seunghyun spoke first. The two were standing in living room; the door to Jiyong’s room was closed shut.

“As do I”

“Good” Seunghyun turned to leave but the doctor kept speaking, “What do you think you are doing? You.. Jiyong, this whole brother thing”?

Seunghyun laughed, “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Jiyong and I are brothers” The doctor laughed. “Brother’s, don’t kid me. You have done nothing but caused him pain from the get go, what gives you the right”?

“And what is it to you”? Seunghyun took a step closer, “What doc? Do you like Jiyong or something”? It was Seunghyun’s turn to smirk, “Sorry but Jiyong only sees you as a bag of IV drip”

“Are you being jealous right now”? The doctor asked, his countenance only made Seunghyun more angry, “Oh Seunghyun… do you know you seem like a jealous lover right now... do you like Jiyong? I guess that’s the million dollar question”

“Jiyong is my brother you ert”!

“Good, so tone down your jealousy a bit if you don’t want your brotherly love to be confused with something else. Jiyong is your brother and that is all he would ever be to you”

“Yes and as his brother, I would protect him at all cost” Seunghyun turned to leave, and not back into Jiyong’s room this time, but to his father’s office. He needed to clear his head.

“Seunghyun” the doctor called him once more, “I don’t know if you know this but Jiyong like you once.. for whatever reason, but not anymore... to him you’re just a brother. You need to be a good brother to him, that’s all he wants from you”

                                                                                                                                 ***

.. to him you’re just a brother.. to him you’re just a brother.. to him you’re just a brother. Of course he knew he was a brother, but something about the way the doctor said it, made him feel uneasy. He was tempted to read the rest of the journal to find out but decided not to, plus Jiyong already took the journal back.

“HYUNG WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU JUST GOT KILLED”!!! Jiyong’s voiced pulled him out of his trance. It’d been two hours since they returned from the hospital, and they were playing a video game in Seunghyun’s room. “Sorry.. I’m a little out of it”

“Hyung are you okay, you’ve been acting weird since we got back from the hospital. I’m sorry if the whole blood thing was too much for you”

“No Jiyong it’s not that”, it’s not that at all.

Taemin>>>Seunghyun

Hey man, where are you? Everyone’s here at the Brigg, and Lana’s asking for you. Are you coming or what?

Lana, yes Lana, she was just what he needed right now “Hey gd, do you want to go to the Brigg”? It would be Jiyong’s first time, assuming he said yes.

“Can I really”!! Jiyong jumped up, “Lana and Suzy has been asking me”, Jiyong was a bit too eager, something was on his mind also; when Seunghyun took him home, he saw his journal in Seunghyun car and couldn’t help but fear the worst. If Seunghyun had indeed read, he showed no indignation of it, and there was no way Seunghyun would read it and not say anything.

They both got ready, and made their way over to the Brigg, “Are you’re ready for this”? Seunghyun asked as they pulled up by the other parked cars, “Stay close to the bonfire, but not to close okay”?

“Hyung, I’m not a baby”

“I know sorry” They walked toward the crowd, “SEUNGHYUN’S HERE” “JIYONG” “GD&TOP” could be heard all around, and just like that Jiyong had disappeared from his sight. Seunghyun tried looking around for signs of Jiyong while he socialized, but there were none. “Hey Choi” It was Lana.

“Hey Lana”

She pulled him aside, “I was beginning to think you weren’t coming” they took a seat together on two small stools in the corner, just a few feet away from the bonfire. “Yeah I almost didn’t, I wasn’t sure Jiyong would be strong enough after the transfusion to but he’s like an energizer bunny” he smiled as he caught a little glimpse of Jiyong, but lost him soon after. The entire school knew of Jiyong’s health condition.

“You’ve been surprising me a lot these days Choi Seunghyun”, never in his wildest dreams would he ever have thought that someone or something could tear his attention away from Lana’s subtle flirt, but here he was finally talking to the girl on his dreams but the only thing on his mind was Jiyong. Where the hell was he, “How so”?

“I used to think you were just a typical jock, and when I found out that Jiyong was your brother and you never spoke of him, I downright hated you”, they both laughed, “But I was wrong for judging you poorly, the way you’ve been with Jiyong recently is so endearing. You’ve changed Choi Seunghyun”

“You must really like my name” Seunghyun laughed, Lana was still as brave as ever. He finally caught sight of Jiyong; he was talking one of his football teammate, Kangin and both looked a little too close. “Actually, Jiyong changed me” He took note of the way Kangin’s hands were getting a bit restless, “You know, the whole life’s too short to be foolish and stuff”

“Yup, I like Jiyong... So Seunghyun I was thinking.......” Lana was speaking to him when he saw Kangin hand Jiyong a red cup, he was sure was full of alcohol. “Sorry excuse me Lana” He stood up and walked up to the two. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING” He screamed at Kangin before snatching the cup off Jiyong’s hand, it indeed was alcohol.

“Relax dude, we’re just having fun”

“Fun” Seunghyun shoved the boy, “If you paid a little attention you would know that he’s not supposed to drink alcohol”. By the time he was done, all eyes were on them, and it was too late to salvage what was left of the night, “Jiyong lets go” he snatched Jiyong’s hand and pulled him to the car.

They minute they were both in the car, Jiyong burst into laughter, “What is so funny”? Seunghyun’s were on the road ... to him you’re just a brother.

“You really seem to like dragging me out” Jiyong kept laughing, “Jiyong I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking”

“No hyung I like it”.

“So you and Kangin”? He didn’t want to ask, “Do you like him or something”?

“Not really. He told me I was cute he’s not my type” He stole a glance and caught Jiyong blushing. “So what’s your type”?

“Hyung you can’t ask me that”. A little part of him wished Jiyong would outright say his name, just a little part of him. “If you must know… Someone tall, dark hair, kind, funny, smart like Minhyuk hyung” Maybe he shouldn’t have asked. Something was happening, something strange. Maybe he was taking the whole brother thing too far; it was time for him to take a step back. They got home in time, the parents weren’t home yet.

“Hyung thank you” Jiyong said as they climbed the stairs, “Mom and dad don’t bother me much when they know I’m with you. You’re my superman...”

Dhooom....dhooom, his heart was in a state of frenzy, “Goodnight hyung” Jiyong continued. “Jiyong....” he had to get something off his mind, “Jiyong let me hug you for a second” Seunghyun stepped closer and enveloped Jiyong in his arms. DHOOOOM DHOOOOM DHOOOOM DHOOOMM  oh god!

Jiyong closed his eyes the moment Seunghyun’s arms wrapped around him. It felt like his heart was about to jump out of his body, You shouldn’t do this hyung, you are making it harder for me. Seunghyun’s chest was so broad, and he felt like burying himself in it forever. He was getting comfortable when Seunghyun released him and stepped away, “Hyung”? Seunghyun’s eyes were red and watery as if he were about to cry. “Hyung what...” Jiyong reached for Seunghyun but Seunghyun stepped back, “Goodnight Jiyong” Seunghyun said leaving  him wanting so much more.

~~~~~

                                                                                                                  SONG LYRIC:

One person appeared, the one that I’m not suppose to love
I can’t, I can’t, I tried to get away many times

I made that person cry, by my really bad infatuation
If the tears steal my heart and disappear
Seems like it will come closer

I believe that I love you, you’re making me insane
I believe that I love you, my unsteady love
I only stared even when I’m in pain like I’m going to die
Because I fear you would hide if I get closer

One day, that one day we saw each other for the first time
Suddenly, I can’t breathe, my memory
Is all gone

I believe that I love you, you’re making me insane
I believe that I love you, my unsteady love
I only stared even when I’m in pain like I’m going to die
Because I fear you would hide if I get closer

Even now isn’t it, I can feel you shifting
Mm~ my heart knows you, you are my love

I believe that I love you, you’re making me insane
I believe that I love you, my unsteady love
I only stared even when I’m in pain like I’m going to die
Because I fear you would hide if I get closer

If the tears know my heart mm~

A/N:

So you, I really enjoyed writing this chapter because we no longer see Seunghyun in such a strong light, now he's all confused by all the emotions Jiyong was making him feel. I hope you like it.