OST:

The waiting room of the private hospital suite was quiet, the sound of a pin dropping could have echoed. It had been over an hour since Jiyong was admitted, and thirty minutes since the loud cries had stopped. Seunghyun and Taemin were sitting in the opposite sides of the room while the parents were nowhere to be found.

Taemin was shifting uncomfortably, he’d been shifting and sighing for several minutes, “If you want to say something, say it” Seunghyun finally spoke, “You can blame me all you want...I already blame myself so I doubt you....”

“You’ve always asked me why I was so nice to Jiyong” Taemin cut Seunghyun off, as he joined Seunghyun where he was sitting, “I used to have a younger sister”, it was something he had never told any of his friends. “We were four years apart. She always looked up to me and always wanted me to play with her but I always refused, I was a kid with so much energy... why would I want to play with a girl” he smiled sadly. It took a few years of counseling before he could be at peace with what happened, “She was diagnosed with leukemia when she was four and it all went downhill after that, my parents didn't get to try their hardest because she died almost immediately because they caught too late”

“Taemin, I....”

“Let me finish.....I never played with her, I always took her for granted and the end she probably died thinking I hated her” Taemin’s voice broke, even his parents never spoke about her much. They moved to Korea and left the sadness behind them, no talks about the sickness or the pain, just that they had a beautiful little girl in the house once.

“Don’t be ridiculous T, she was four… how could she....”

“How could she hate me right, how could she hold a grudge right? So what about Jiyong.... you two have over ten years of being together, and you still treat him worse than a stranger”?

It became quiet again, with Taemin trying to push back the guilt he’d been feeling for years, and Seunghyun coming to terms with the guilt he was feeling, “Why didn’t you tell me about your sister? We’re best friends”. Taemin could only smile, “Because Seunghyun, I wanted you to treat Jiyong right on your own terms. I trusted that you would see how foolish and immature you were being, but you still ended up disappointing me. I mean you left him in school by himself Seunghyun, what the were you thinking”!

Seunghyun was more disappointed in himself than in anyone else, “I really thought..... You know what? I don’t have to explain myself to you, what good will that do me”?

The door to Jiyong’s room opened and both boys stood up, waiting for news. It was Eun hyuk, “He’s okay, and he’s sleeping now” he smiled at both boys, “Taemin, why don’t you go home. It’s eleven and you have school tomorrow”. He escorted Taemin to the door; “I’ll see you after school tomorrow” He smiled at Taemin before closing the door behind him.

“Mom probably hates me,” Seunghyun said under his breath as Eun Hyuk sat beside him. “You probably hate me too”

Eun Hyuk tapped Seunghyun lightly on the shoulder, “We are actually more grateful that you found him in time. We don’t hate you son, I don’t think we ever could”

“Then why isn’t she here”?

“This is your mother’s routine every time Jiyong is resting after one of his crisis, she’s in the chapel downstairs” Eun Hyuk looked at Seunghyun, “Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it”, he was sure Seunghyun didn’t know that he was shaking, but Seunghyun shook his head in response, “Fine, I’ll just sit here. Whenever you feel like talking...” He sighed as he laid back into the couch; he’d had a long day. He had five surgeries, which included two open heart surgery, but nothing scared him as much as the moment he got a call saying that Jiyong was missing.

“It all happened so fast.... one moment we were talking, and the other he was disoriented, pale and screaming... I’ve never seen anything like it...not in real life” Seunghyun’s voice broke as he spoke but he powered on, he had to, “I don’t understand what happened to him”

Eun Hyuk sighed, it was his fault; they allowed Seunghyun remain oblivious of Jiyong’s illness, “Seunghyun do you honestly not know anything about Jiyong’s illness”? Seunghyun shook his head, “Sickle cell anemia patients have crisis usually once a year or once every few months, but Jiyong has one or even two every month because his is the worst kind possible” he saw the confusion in Seunghyun’s face so he continued,  “What you witnessed was one of Jiyong’s crisis. There are different types of crisis; the one Jiyong just had been the vaso-occlusive crisis, the painful one. That explained his being disoriented and pale”

Seunghyun’s heart was beating so fast; he wondered how he couldn’t have known, “Is it always like that”?

“Yes, and sometimes it’s even worse... remember that one summer when we sent you to your grand uncle’s by yourself”? Seunghyun nodded, “Yes, we almost lost Jiyong that summer; he had to be put into a temporary coma so we could stabilize him”. He knew Mirae would never approve but part of the reason Seunghyun remained in denial was because he was still in the dark about Jiyong’s health problems, “Not just that, there’ve been other cases too where we almost lost him. Not to mention the amount of other hospital visits, or asthma attacks that have been triggered by dust and other things, which is why he was always under house arrest especially when he was younger... the only reason I’m telling you this, is because I know you think that we give Jiyong preferential treatment but we really don’t”

“How could I not have noticed... If he has so many crises, how could I not have known.... we live together. I should have heard him screaming” It still seemed like a dream to Seunghyun. It was as if someone just removed the scale from his eyes.

“He doesn’t always have the extremely painful ones but yes, I wondered too... your mother wanted us to wait until you asked but you never did and we sort of just went with it. Whenever Jiyong was having a crisis, you were either never home to witness it, or had those huge headphones, or even blasting your music” Seunghyun was still shaking so he put an arm around his son’s shoulder, “It’s okay to be scared; I knew the drill because I had a few anemic patients before Jiyong came to us, but your mother couldn’t sleep for days after she witnessed his first painful crisis. The only way she could sleep was beside Jiyong, and I remember you used to get so jealous because we always used to chase you back to your room while we allowed Jiyong to sleep with us”. Seunghyun smiled as he remembered, he did hate his parents a little then, “But why is he like that? How did he get it”?

Eun Hyuk wished Mirae were there with him to answer Seunghyun’s questions, it was something that they planned on doing together since she was a mini psychologist, and he the buffer, “Lets just say it’s advisable for couples to do a blood and genome test before choosing to have a baby. Seunghyun, Jiyong is a miracle to say the least, your mother and I have seen the stats, people with Jiyong’s degree of SA rarely live past the age of fifteen, and the sad part is that Jiyong knows it” He smiled when Seunghyun gave him a questioning look, “Jiyong never complains or cry, or act sad whenever he ends up in the hospital... he always acts like it’s his last days. That foolish son of mine have been reading medical books since he could read and understand anything”

“Dad I still don’t understand how it happened, I mean we had a conversation... he even told me he was okay and that he knew I would find him”.

“I didn’t want to tell you..... Seunghyun, Jiyong’s pain started long before you actually noticed, he just hid it well. It starts with fatigue, then pain until the pain gets so bad that he can’t contain it”, Eun Hyuk said before smiling sadly, “Of course he would tell you it’s okay...I bet you he would wake up tomorrow and you would be the first person he asks for again”

“Again”? Seunghyun’s confusion got worse as the conversation went by. “Seunghyun, Jiyong loves and looks up to you more than any other person in the world. He finds ways to make up excuses for you, even though it doesn’t make sense. I even told him to stop once but....well as you can see..”

“And I’ve been so evil to him all this while”.

“I have a theory. I don’t think you hate him.... at least not anymore. You just don’t know how to start treating him like a brother. I see you secretly laughing at his lame jokes, even playing with gaho..”

“I don’t know anymore dad”

Eun hyuk stood up from the couch, “Remember how you always sing that you would move out in five months....well you have my permission, in fact I would help you furnish your apartment, but only if you try to get to know your brother” he smiled, “I know it would be hard, but even the littlest thing you do for him would make him very happy. He is very eager for you to like him.... for once just try being his friend. A genuine friend and not just because I just bribed you, If I think it isn’t genuine, I will make sure you live the house until you die”

“Okay”

“Good, now I have to find your mom then we’ll both go home. I know she’ll want to spend the night. You have school tomorrow, and I don’t want you being by yourself so we’re going to have a little father/son slumber party” Eun Hyuk said and they both shared a laugh before he too his leave.

Seunghyun threw side-glances at Jiyong’s door before having the courage to go in. Jiyong was unconscious, and the only sounds in the room were that of his footsteps and Jiyong’s monitor. Jiyong looked so small on the bed, it was scary. “Why have you been acting so strong all this time”? He asked the unconscious boy, “How could I have been so blind, and you still looked at me with so much admiration in your eyes after all you go through...after all I put you through” he wasn’t the type to cry but he could feel the tears struggling for freedom, “I promise, you would wake up to a different hyung but don’t be surprised... this is not some guilty conscience that would only last a few days, no... This is the real deal. I am going your hyung because that’s how it was always meant to be”. He stared at Jiyong for a little while before leaving; the next day was going to be the beginning of forever.

                                              ***

For Jiyong, it felt like he’d been drifting in space for a while, and little by little, he could feel himself falling back to earth, and the moment he was about hit the ground, his eyes opened to a very handsome, and a very angry doctor staring at him. “Look who’s up”, it was Min Hyuk writing something on his chart.

“Hy...” Jiyong’s throat was a bit dry, “Hyung”. He sat up as Min Hyuk handed him a glass of water. “Hyung how long have you been here”?

“No long, although I had to beg your mother to get some sleep. Your dad’s pager had been beeping all day so you’re stuck with me”. Jiyong took not of the anger in Min Hyuk’s voice, “Hyung, they told you”?

“OF COURSE THEY TOLD ME YOU FOOL”! Min Hyuk yelled, “Why are you so foolish whenever it comes to that stupid brother of yours? What if he left you there, you would have died”!

Jiyong smiled, if only Min Hyuk knew how sorry Seunghyun looked, or how he promised that he would never leave, “Is hyung here”?

“Of course not” Min Hyuk saw the disappointed look on Jiyong’s face, “Did you really think he would spend the night here waiting for you...you are acting incredibly dumb” he hissed.

“I’m really sorry hyung...” Jiyong said using one of his get-me-out-of-trouble faces, “Hyuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuung”

“Fine” Min Hyuk ruffled the younger boy’s hair, “It’s not like I can be angry at you for too long anyway”. They both laughed “There’s someone with a huge guilty conscience problem waiting for you outside”

 “Who”?

“So remember the friend I wanted you to have lunch with the other day”? Jiyong got a little jealous, “So I’ve always told her a lot about you, but it wasn’t until this morning I told her your name. And it turns out that you two attend the same school....”

“Hyung who is it”? Jiyong pestered, “She’s my cousin, and she happened to have seen you in the music room before she left school but she’s been staying away from social media, and her phone was off so she didn’t know that people were looking for you, and now she feels bad”

Jiyong rolled his eyes, “Hyung just tell me...who is it”? Min Hyuk certainly talked too much. Min Hyuk walked to the door and signaled someone. The curiosity had almost killed him when he saw Lana walk through the door, “Heyyy” She greeted awkwardly, “Cool room.....looks more like a suite at some five star hotel haha”

“Oh yeah, my folks certainly has this rented for my monthly visits… you know, business and all. Hi”! Jiyong waved as she walked toward him, she was in a hospital gown like him but still managed to look gorgeous. He was a friend to almost everyone in his grade and even lower, but Lana always seemed so free spirited, She was never in one place at a time.

 She hopped on his bed as if they’d been friends for years, “I’ve been hearing about you for a while, I feel like I know you.... Oppa finally told me your name after I mentioned you this morning... I CAN’T BELIVE IT’S YOU”!!!!! She bounced excitedly, and he had no choice but to jump with her.

Not that he wasn’t glad that he had visitors, he couldn’t help but miss Seunghyun. He missed him more than ever, and part of him wished he never had his crisis; he and Seunghyun could have talked more. It felt like he missed an opportunity to really talk to Seunghyun. “Jiyong....”, Lana was calling him. “Sorry”, he smiled.

“I was saying I heard you play yesterday, you play so beautifully...why aren’t you in the music club”?

“I’m just an amateur” he lied, he had been playing for a while, but just on his ipad but he knew he was good.  “I’ve heard you guys play....”, they talked, joked, even played and he even learned a lot about her. She was in the hospital because she had a fever the previous night but was okay after a series of test. She was Minhyuk’s cousin. She used to run track, but got injured and after an accident, she plays violin, and has three younger siblings. She was also like his mother because by the time they were halfway done talking, he had already joined both the music and the social club. “So... my hyung likes you” Jiyong said when he felt comfortable enough to mention it.

“Your hyung only likes himself” Lana rolled her eyes, “First of all, he has this brother and no one in school knows about....and then when Minhyuk oppa finally tells me your name, it hit me that Seunghyun was your heartless step brother... I knew there was a reason I didn’t like him”. He tried explaining to her but she wasn’t buying it. They argued for a while until Minhyuk rushed her out because her parents were ready to take her home, they parted with promises that they would hand out more.

                                 ***

Seunghyun kept looking at his watch, and waiting for school to be over. He pleaded to be allowed to skip school, but the folks refused. ‘You can see him after school. We already spoke to the principal, and he said he would give an announcement during assembly but you still need to talk to your classmates’, they said, and they were right. He knew people liked Jiyong, but he had clearly underestimated how much they did; a lot of people asked about him, they were even planning a visit after school but he stopped them. He didn’t want Jiyong to feel suffocated.

The anticipation was killing him; the last time his mother texted, he was asleep and she was heading home, which could only mean that Jiyong was all by himself.

“Hey”. Taemin sat beside him, it was last period and it was the first time he got the chance to talk to his best friends, “Hey, I was beginning to think our friendship was over”

“I was pissed, but naa... our friendship’s still there” Taemin smiled, and they both shared their usual handshake.

“Do you want to go with me to the hospital? I’m bolting out of here once class is over” Seunghyun asked as the teacher walked in. “Can’t” Taemin whispered, “I have to take my brother for his guitar lessons so I’ll see you later”.

45 minutes later, he arrived at the hospital. Jiyong was on the fourth floor but he decided to take the stairs so he could plan a strategy. How do you start talking to someone you’ve never had a decent conversation with? He finally arrived at Jiyong’s private room door; he knocked before opening the door.

“Hyung”? Jiyong was reading a book, but closed it immediately, “Hyung are you okay”?

Seunghyun scoffed, “What do you mean, I’m not the one who was screaming with pain...how are you feeling”? He walked slowly toward the bed.

“Fine” Jiyong repositioned himself on the bed. It was quiet for a little while, “People asked about you in school today...a lot of people” he stood by the bed, “Can I sit”? Jiyong nodded.

Jiyong felt like he still drifting in space, it surely felt like it, “Sorry hyung, I’ll just explain to them tomorrow”. Seunghyun sighed, “I’m afraid it’s too late, word got out when we thought you were missing”, he really meant it jokingly but Jiyong took it seriously, “Hyung I’m so sorry, I promise I’ll stop going to school.... I didn’t like it anyways”.

“Relax” Seunghyun smiled, “It’s okay you don’t have to”.

Jiyong’s head was bowed. After a serious talk with Minhyuk, he realized how foolish what he did was; his actions were selfish at best. He never thought about how scared Seunghyun must have been, seeing him like that. Minhyuk was right, he went about it the wrong way, “Hyung I’m sorry about scaring you last night”, Seunghyun was probably being nice because he felt guilty, and he didn’t want to be liked out of guilt, “I promise to not wait for you anymore, and I’ll try harder to not disturb you”. What if the worst had happened, and he didn’t make it through the night... Seunghyun would have had to live with the guilt forever, and that would mean that he caused Seunghyun pain, both in life and in death. “Thank you for keeping your promise and staying with me” he avoided making eye contact Seunghyun because despite the words he was saying, what he really wanted to say was ‘Hyung, is it okay that I wish your promise would last forever? The pain didn’t seem so painful when you were beside me’ “You don’t have to be here hyung, you can go home”

To Seunghyun, it felt like a breakup speech. He knew trying to connect with Jiyong wasn’t going to be easy, but he never anticipated Jiyong losing interest him. He wasn’t giving up easy though; there something about Jiyong’s countenance that told him otherwise. “Jiyong...” he sound of the door opening stopped him, “HYUUUNNG”!!!! Jiyong suddenly went from a sickly looking person to an energizer bunny, “Hey champ” Seunghyun watched as the man, presumably a doctor with the white coat he was wearing, walk around the bed and ruffled Jiyong’s hair. What are you? A dog? Jiyong was looking at the doctor as if the sun rose and sets on his . “I bet you couldn’t say no to Lana about the clubs she’s going to have you join”

Lana? How could he know Lana? Seunghyun thought, not enjoying the fact that the two were completely oblivious of his presence, “Hyung, Why didn’t you tell me Lana was your cousin” Jiyong laughed, what kind of laughter is that?

“She was bothering me for your number before she left, is okay if I give it to her”? The doctor asked, and for a second Seunghyun wanted to cut in; were doctors supposed to be this close to their patients? “I told you, you were cute. You certainly have Lana fawning over you”, the doctor continued and he watched, as Jiyong turned red. The whole conversation made him so uncomfortable, and it wasn’t because the girl of his dreams may or may not have a crush of his younger brother, but because Jiyong was completely ignoring him. It was time for him to step in, “So when can my brother be released”? Placing stress on a word or two could definitely get his point across. The two turned to turned to him with wide eyes as if they’d just seen a ghost. “What”?

The doctor cleared his throat, “He’s actually fine to go home, both his parents are busy so his dad will take him when he’s done for the day....plus” the doctor turned his attention back to Jiyong, “He makes this place less boring, right champ”? Jiyong nodded, a bit too eagerly. “I don’t know if you’re new here or something but Jiyong is my brother, so I am perfectly capable of taking him home”.

“The only new one here is you... If you’re Jiyong’s brother, why am I only seeing you now”? The doctor stood to face him.

“Hyung...it’s fine. I can wait for dad”. It only aggravated him more that Jiyong was taking the stupid doctor’s side, and he wasn’t having it, “Jiyong what about Gaho... no one has fed him since yesterday morning; mom and dad have been extremely busy and the last time I saw him, he was limping and OH MY GOD...I think I left the front door opened when I stopped there after school” Seunghyun wanted to smile at his victory but chose not to.

He certainly had Jiyong’s attention, although it wasn’t the type of attention he would have hoped for. The highlight of it all was the look on the doctor’s face. It was the I’d-punch-you-if-jiyong-weren’t-here-right-now look. “So brother, it’s your choice”. He then allowed himself to smile.

A/N

Dear you,

 Thank you so much  for reading my fic. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!