Chapter Two: It's been a while

"Hey... I haven't heard from you for a while."

Baekhyun dropped his keys on the coffee table while his other hand held the cell phone up to his ear.

"What have you been up to Baek? I'm worried about you," the other asked softly on the phone line.

Baekhyun gazed around his small apartment; there was really nothing in it. Just the things he needed to use in his daily life. Nothing along the lines of decorations albeit there being a small monument on his kitchen table that his best friend got him a few years back.

"I'm fine."

"Really?"

Baekhyun slumped down on his couch not caring that his clothes were still soaked and clinging to his body. Sleeves rolled up, he sighed, staring at his new cuts covering his whole right forearm. Ugly slits; dark pink, fresh and are still at the risk of bleeding if he were to somehow disturb it.

"Yeah I'm fine."

"Liar."

Baekhyun’s eyes widened, chest cringing in the wildest ways possible.

You're pathetic.

A liar.

You’re just living a lie. Wake up!

He clenched his fist, mentally screaming for all of those cruel words to stop.

To just stop.

That's all he wanted.

As sad as reality gets, nothing was always in his favor. When he wanted to end his life that one day, he chickened out, feeling too frightened to follow through. He was a coward. And he hated himself for that.

I can’t do anything right…

Why couldn't he do it? Why was he so hesitant that day to finally end his life and break himself free from all of the mental abuse? He honestly didn't know the answer to those questions.

But for now he will just stick with cutting himself; his main pain reliever.

"Yeah, I'm a liar. Why the hell are you still sticking around?" he hissed coldly, feeling the words taste bitter off of the tip of his tongue.

The person on the other line stood quiet for a few moments then spoke up, words sharpened and forming more clearly than usual.

"I'm worried about you. I'm worried that you're always hiding your true feelings from me. I'm worried when you suddenly disappear on me -- won't talk to me for weeks at a time. I'm worried Baek. I'm your best friend damn it!"

Silence entered through the door, choking Baekhyun in the depths of guilt. He always told himself no one cared for him but deep down he knew Luhan did. He always knew but was too blind to realize it; too deaf to listen to Luhan’s persistence and confirmations.

But ... he can't be too sure right? What if what Luhan was saying was just another white lie; meant to make one feel better but actually bring destruction?

Baekhyun bit his lip, more guilt surfacing. What am I thinking? I know he cares for me.

"Luhan... I'm sorry."

And he meant it. No one will understand what that simple sorry could possibly be referred to.

"Sorry? Baek I'm so confused! What's happening with you?"

"I'm sorry... hey I got to go."

"And do what? Disappear on me? Leave without even a single ing text message? No. You're not."

"Lu, lets talk about this later."

"Baek how much longer do I need to wait?"

"... I don't know," he sighed into the receiver, closing his eyes. His orbs were stinging and slowly drooping closed throughout the whole day. He was exhausted. Both mentally and physically.

"Baek," Luhan sighed sternly, sounding a little tired as well.

"Fine Hyung. How does tomorrow sound?"

"Sounds like a plan, and Baek," Luhan stopped mid way, seemingly debating on whether or not he should finish his sentence.

"Yeah?"

"It's nothing. I'll come to your house tomorrow. Bye dongseng-ah!"

Baekhyun hummed, pulling the phone away from his ear and tapping ‘end’ on the phone call. He stared at the picture - the one he put as Luhan's icon picture in his contact list - and felt his heart squeeze.

It was an adorable picture. One where Baekhyun and Luhan's cheeks are pressed up against each other, eyes turned into crescents as they took the selca. It was pure. And he missed those days where everything seemed simple. To Baekhyun, it was almost like the past was a different dimension - another world. This picture couldn't have possibly been taken here, right? Was it really possible that at one point in his life that he was happy? So how could it have been real?

The happiness he felt was all a sweet dream. All because he didn't have a care in the world. So now, when he’s living in a complete obscure nightmare filled with scars of the wounded and the lost, wouldn't it make sense for the past to feel like an illusion?

But Baekhyun knew the truth. He wasn't crazy.

Now he was a pile of pieces, some of them may be damaged and scattered all over the place, but at least there was a piece of him still here and fighting to function. If only he could smile like that again. If only he could be the best friend Luhan found, again. If only he wasn't battling so much right now.

Luhan was always there for Baekhyun. They've had their firsts together; movies, dates, hugs, secrets, kisses and even true friendship.

They made beautiful memories together. Some more awkward than others but still unforgettable memories that remained cherished and reminisced.

Slowly his eyes lifted, tears slightly filling them. How could he ever doubt that Luhan didn't care for him?

"I'm sorry Luhan. I'm really sorry."

So for the duration of the time, he found himself plainly staring at the grey wall In front of him, his face seemingly stoic; no one would ever believe he was hurting inside. Memories engulfed him, sending him off in reverie of the unknown.

“You’re pathetic. Really pathetic. How could you ever think that you are important? You’re a piece of trash - something not even worth having a slight glance at. It’s sad, pitiful even. You actually think you deserve to be happy? You’re just living in a illusion. Face it Baekhyun, you’re nothing. Just a mistake that needs to be taken care of. Just kill yourself already.”

Baekhyun gasped, snapping his eyes open as the distant memory appeared in his ‘dreams’. He felt like throwing up again.

Sitting up, he slightly winced, the pain from his cuts still not healed. After the first time of cutting, he continued to do it over and over again. He’d be lying if he said he didn't feel the intense pain it gave him. Maybe he was crazy to think that hurting himself would make him feel better. But maybe he wasn't.