Chapter eight: Loss of words

 

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Chanyeol has never experienced such awkwardness in his whole life. He wanted to be close to Baekhyun. The desire was unexplainable - ineffable - and he just didn’t know how to come about it. He had so much questions to ask but he didn’t know if he was in the right place to ask them. Honestly, he doesn't know why he dragged Baekhyun out of the cafe earlier. He acted on instinct that was fed on overdue worry.

 

His whole mind was corrupted with thoughts as to why Baekhyun might have left. Was he safe? In danger? His unanswered questions came to a relieving conclusion when he saw the older inside the coffee shop. Although he felt relief, he also felt anger, sadness, and disappointment.

 

Why? He barely knew the guy but he felt this invisible string attaching them together. Perhaps he grew feelings for Baekhyun despite the older's mysterious and secretive ways.

 

Chanyeol watched the dog printed mug lift up to Baekhyun’s thin pink lips.

 

“Does it taste good?”

 

Lowering the mug from his mouth, Baekhyun nodded his head.

 

Chanyeol smiled, feeling relieved Baekhyun wasn't a picky person (not that he would really care though, it just makes things easier for him and Baekhyun in the future).

 

The future?

 

Oh god Chanyeol stop getting ahead of yourself.

 

“Baekhyun can you do me a favor?”

 

Something inside Chanyeol twisted in the evilest way possible. He could practically see the hesitance and wariness in the others facial features. Was he too naive to feel hopeful that Baekhyun will willing comply to his requests?

 

“... yeah?”

 

Feeling another smile growing, he replied, “Can you promise me to never leave without a word?”

 

Baekhyun’s face read of complete surprise as the question caught him off guard.

 

“Why?”

 

“Why? Because I care about you.”

 

“Do,” Baekhyun lifted his gaze from his cup and look directly into Chanyeol’s chocolate brown eyes. “Do you really?”

 

“Yes.”

 

It was a quick responde onn Chanyeol's part. Just because it was quick it did not mean he would have said no - no not at all, he just spoke without a second thought. And that was when Chanyeol realized his feelings for Baekhyun didn't even need to be thought about. He already knew the answer. Yes. He did care about Baekhyun and he wanted to make him his.

 

Thunder roared in loud degrees, lightening bolts outside making evident bright flashes through Chanyeol’s white curtains. Before Chanyeol could register what was happening, the lights flickered off, leaving them in complete darkness. Someone heaved a gasp and clutched onto his arm; reality sunk in for Chanyeol. There's no lights and Baekhyun seems to be afraid of the dark.

 

“Baekhyun?” Chanyeol hesitantly asks, squinting his eyes to find the familiar frame of the other.

 

He heard the others' heavy breathing and felt the grip tighten.

 

“Hey are you okay?” standing up from his seat, he pulled the other up with him. Even though it was dark he could still see the blinks of fear plastered on the shorter’s face. Chanyeol instantly wrapped his arm around Baekhyun’s shoulder, making Baekhyun reluctantly release his overbearing grip. “Hey, its going to be okay.”

 

It didn't take long for the taller to adjust his eyes in the darkness. Slowly, he lead them out of the kitchen, being careful not to bump into anything and reached the living room. Noticing the other was gripping onto his shirt, Chanyeol tightened his hold on Baekhyun, trying to send him some reassurance that he was safe and nothing was going to happen.

 

“We’re here in my living room now,” he quietly piped in, helping Baekhyun sit down on the leather couch. Sitting down next to him, Chanyeol tried his best to look around for something that could help them have a source of light. But his searching stopped when he felt Baekhyun involuntary shiver.

 

“Are you cold? Wait one minute while I go get a blanket for-”

 

“No!”

 

Taken aback, his eyes widened at the smaller frame beside him. Even threw the obscene darkness he could somehow feel the others eyes staring at him with fear.

 

“It’s okay, I’ll be right back.”

 

“...okay.”

 

Even though the other agreed, Chanyeol’s heart still squeezed. It’s not like he wanted to leave Baekhyun here in the dark it was just that he doesn't want them to freeze in his fairly cool apartment. Also, the knowledge of finding out Baekhyun has a phobia of dark places made him even more reluctant to go. Letting out a short sigh, Chanyeol stands up, legs feeling heavier than usual.

 

“Baek… you need to let go so I can get us a blanket and some candles.”

 

It took a few moments until Chanyeol felt Baekhyun’s grip loosen.

 

It hurt him to witness Baekhyun like this.

 

Each step he took away from Baekhyun hurt even more.It hurt knowing he was walking away from a vulnerable guy he has feelings for.

 

Hugging his knees in the darkness, Baekhyun kept his face hidden and eyes shut closed. Lightning flashed again, illuminating his shadow. To say he was afraid couldn't be more true. To say he was afraid because of the rain wasn’t. To say he was only afraid at this moment would also be another lie. Because in reality, it wasn't the rain, it was the darkness. Being trapped in darkness all his life would make him think that he wouldn’t be bothered by a simple black out. But that wasn't the case at all. It was being trapped in the darkness where all of the dark thoughts start to come back again.

 

The darkness around him helps him realize he’s forever trapped, just like the nebulous layers inside of him. Its fearful, it really is. There’s really no way out. It’s like you're blind and lost inside a distant place away from anything -- anyone else.

 

It makes him feel alone. Afraid.

 

But overall, it aids in his tendency to dwell in the morbid thoughts that always invade his mind; telling him how unimportant and insignificant he really is.

 

“Baekhyun.”

 

This is different.

 

Since when was there ever someone else in this darkness?

 

Suddenly, Baekhyun felt a new source of warmth surround him. There was someone sitting right beside him, draping a blanket over them both.

 

It felt nice.

 

Lifting his head up and opening his eyes, he warily looked over at the person next to him, squinting his eyes as he was exposed to a source of light.

 

Light.

 

There shouldn't be light in a place full of darkness.

 

“Chanyeol?”

 

“I’m here.”

 

Feeling exhaustion slowly eat him, Baekhyun leaned over onto said boy, feeling the radiating heat from both the blanket and Chanyeol's body. This time, he would finally give into what his heart was longing for and ignore the evil words swinging around. Everything is going to be okay.

 

“I promise,” he whispered to Chanyeol, “I promise you.”

 

 

Baekhyun has promised to never leave Chanyeol's side without saying anything first.

 

Feeling the rise and falls of Chanyeol’s chest, Baekhyun found himself lost in a series of slumber where thoughts and worries didn’t exist.

 

 

---

 

“Baekhyun,” a deep voice whispered, shaking his shoulders. Scrunching his eyebrows, Baekhyun slowly opened his eyes. “Come on lets go eat something. I think the electricity is back on.”

 

That's when Baekhyun suddenly had a moment of cognizance; he wasn’t home and that deep voice was Chanyeol. Lifting his head off of Chanyeol’s broad shoulder, all haziness of sleep was pushed aside. He then looked up at Chanyeol, eyes widening as he realized what he has done.

 

He let his guard down.

 

Chanyeol chuckled and Baekhyun felt the vibration of the laugh; he didn’t realize he was so close to the other.

 

“Let’s go sleepy head.”

 

But Baekhyun didn’t want to stand up. What are you doing? How could you?

 

“Baekhyun? You okay?”

 

“Uhh yeah. I’m fine.”

 

Looking up, Baekhyun noticed Chanyeol’s expression falter but remained all smiles. It felt weird to Baekhyun. Usually Chanyeol’s smiles made him feel warm but this smile hid a emotion of doubt.

 

He knows I'm lying.

 

Chanyeol grabbed Baekhyun’s wrist, assisting him in standing up, but before he was able to pull up the other he noticed the pain stricken expression plastered on the older’s face.

 

“Baekhyun?” the taller’s voice grew immensely worried, still holding the others wrist. Did he hurt the Baekhyun? Was he holding too tightly? “Am I hurting you?”

 

“...no. Just let go.”

 

“Let go? Oh - yeah sorry,” Chanyeol mumbled, letting go of his wrist.

 

Chanyeol’s big eyes watched Baekhyun take small bites out of the French toast he made. He felt a little guilty. He didn’t mean to be too rough (although he thought he was be fairly gentle). Seeing that pained look on Baekhyun’s face triggered something. He doesn’t ever want to see that look on the older’s face ever again.

 

“What?”

 

Blinking, Chanyeol’s mouth grew agape, feeling at lost for words.

 

“What do you mean?” he asked, watching Baekhyun put down his fork.

 

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

 

“Oh. Sorry I didn’t mean to its just that… I’m sorry.”

 

It was Baekhyun’s turn to look surprised.

 

“Why?”

 

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, I’m just - dammit - I feel bad. I promise I will be more careful. Did I leave a bruise?”

 

“What…”

 

Chanyeol leaned over the table and took Baekhyun’s arm.

 

“Hey, wait stop! What are you doing?” Baekhyun sputtered out. Through Chanyeol’s insistence, he pulled down his purple long sleeved shirt he leant Baekhyun.

 

 

This isn’t what he expected.

 

His eyes widened, threatening to pop out of it sockets, as his breath got strangled in his throat.

 

They elapsed in a suffocating silence where Chanyeol stared at the prominent scars and where Baekhyun tried his best to remove his arm from Chanyeol’s hard grasp. Chanyeol was torn between anger and sadness. He was confused and lost in his own freshly wounded mind.

 

“Chanyeol-”

 

“Baekhyun,” he rasped out, feeling his chest tighten and squeeze unbearably, “why?” His eyes trailed up the countless, ugly, plump scars. His gaze locked on Baekhyun’s. “Why?”

 

Baekhyun his lip in a nervous notion. “Because I deserve it.”

 

What?

 

Although there was hesitancy in his voice, the eyes stayed stern and undaunting. That was when Chanyeol knew this was no sick joke. Baekhyun actually thought he deserved the pain.

 

“It’s ugly isn't it?” Baekhyun mournfully said, throwing in an ironically humorous tone.

 

“No, It’s beautiful,” Chanyeol's voice cracked, feeling himself on the verge of tears. He barely knew Baekhyun yet, this affected him in the craziest ways possible. “Just like you.” Chanyeol leaned down and kissed the scars on his forearm.

 

“Baekhyun, you’re beautiful. Everything about you is beautiful.”

 

 

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A/N: OMG i am so sorry! i totally forgot about this! but umm... this story is embarrassing for me because of the countless grammatical errors. I fixed a few things, but i've decided to just leave this as is. Thank you all for subscribing! once again, I am so sorry for the grammatical torture i am putting you guys through OTL