Chapter thirteen: Please let me in

Baekhyun's back was aching. The painful tremors of the harsh wood numbed his back. His lean fingers raked through his brunet locks as the back of his head hit the wall. It took all his will to surpass a sob that threatened to escape his sore throat.

“Baekhyun, please let me in.”

He pulled his knees up to his chest, tightening his droopy eyes closed.

Why did you come back? I’m trying to forget you.

“Baek…let me in.”

"You lied to me."

"I'm ... I'm sorry Baekhyun."

"You told me you wouldn't leave me."

Tears slipped down his pale complexion.

"Baek.."

"What ever happened to 'forever' Chan?"

"I... I really don't know."

Was it possible for your whole body to ache? Not just your muscles, bones or brain; but your heart? Things he thought were never possible turned out to be. Chanyeol wasn’t supposed to happen. He knew deep down it was an invitation to pain, but as foolish and selfish as he was, he accepted the offer. Now look where he is.

“Just… Baek… don’t do anything stupid.”

“Shut up.”

“Im sorry. Please let me in.”

“Shut up, please.”

Clutching his head as his locks strung down as his forehead, Baekhyun sat in a fetal postion. He couldn't take it anymore. He failed his desire to stop his crying. But maybe he couldnt stop because knew nothing will change; his tears won't change anything. The cries couldn't be pushed, so they came crashing out, uncontrollable sobs thrashing at his throat. His vision blurred.

“Don’t do it. Baek don’t do it please.”

“Shut up!” He screamed through his throbbing throat.

He needed to forget.

All he wanted was for Chanyeol’s shadow to just take back all the scars it left.

Baekhyun had his hallowed eyes staring blankly at the tub across the small bathroom. His arms laid limply by his sides, legs sprawled straight out and back leaning crookedly against the bathrooms door.

It's been hours.

But he could still hear Chanyeol's breathing from the other side of the door. For some reason, Baekhyun couldn't feel the pain in his arms any more. All he felt was numb and cold.

Really cold.

Emptiness inside me.

I’m lost inside the pain, no, I’m trapped inside it all because you're not here. I can’t stop holding on, I need you with me.  The fight inside is coursing through my veins. And its raging. Its never going to leave, right? Without you the fight inside is breaking me again.

Who knew loving him was a form of suicide? Baekhyun knew. He knew from the beginning. Nothing lasts forever.

Closing his eyes longer than the usual blink, he slowly opened them back up. His breaths were calm and face stood stoic to the eye.

The mask of void where emotions were near impossible to find was something undeniably fearful.

"Chan... Chanyeol?"

I’m falling apart.

Silence only seemed to be responding back but Baekhyun knew better. He knew Chanyeol was there.

"I thought we'd be something forever," he whispered, eyes feeling heavy again as they closed for a longer period of time. Opening them back up, he glanced up at the dim light bulb.

It was also alone.

"This light, I've never noticed, is alone too," he mumbled. "Have... have you noticed that its also not bright? When was the last time someone noticed it was dying?"

Baekhyun closed his eyes again, this time keeping it shut longer as the override of exhaustion rebooted his system.

The war within me pulls me under.

"You ... you know I love you right Chanyeol?" his voice was barely at the level of a whisper.

He was left without an answer again but he didn't mind.

"I'm going to keep our promise though. I will love you forever."

Pushing his heavy body up, he swayed, feeling himself become too weak to even stand on his two bare feet. He used the wall as his support, sliding his arm across the wall to help him walk over to the bath tub. Heaving a low dreary sigh, his trembling hands turned the knob on the bath tub lever, making cold water flow out of the faucet.

With much difficulty, he stepped into the bathtub, body shivering as soon as the cold enveloped his body. Clutching onto the rim of the tub, he slowly sank in, shutting his eyes closed to block out the unwanted thoughts through his raging headache. After a minute of adjusting to the freezing water that continued to flow, his fazed stare locked onto the bottle of pills on the edge of the tub. Just a lift of the hand and he will have it in his grasp.

It was time. The time has finally come to proceed with his plan he had mapped out since the very beginning of his depression all those years ago. This time, he knew there was no backing out. He found a reason, a very selfish one yes, but still a legitimate reason for him to finally follow through with this execution. It took minutes for him to finally open the bottle since the cold froze his body to the limit. He was stuck; there was no way out of this madness. Dumping the expired pills into his throat, he left himself a broken mess. Just scattered pieces of who he was.