I found the name 'Kim OK bin' in LuHan's notebook and turns the page as if I'm in a trance.

There, unbelievable words are lined up, one after the next.

"The director entrusted me with the removal of the affected area. I was unsuccessful at peeling the arteries. I lost the patient."

I lost the patient....

This means that ........

The name LuHan appears on my mobile screen.

The target of my revenge is ....him?"

I stare at my still-ringing mobile.

He's calling about his notebook...

I recalled LuHan's word. "To admonish myself."

So this is what he meant.....

So that he never forgets what he's done.

And that's why he was upset over Ms Han's surgery.

Now that I think about it, this explain why Kris so strongly opposed LuHan's performing that operation as well.

I cautiously take the phone in my hand.

Its okay. As long as I pretend that I don't know anything....

"Hello...."

"Jiyoon...?"

"Yeah.. Thanks for taking me home."

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

"Is everything alright?"

"Actually, I can't find my notebook...."

"Notebook?"

"Yeah, I showed it to you at some point. It contains entries about my patients. Could it have gotten mixed in with your things?"

"Hang in. I'll check now."

I cover the front of the phone with my hand. My breathing is quiet but deep.

"Yeah, its here. I'm sorry. I must have grabbed it by accident after my bag fell over at the back."

He sounded relieved. "Its fine but do you mind if I come to pick it up?"

"Of coz not. I'll be here."

"Okay, see you soon ."

We hang up and I feel as though all my strength left my body.

Sorry Jiyoon.... You've gotta hang in there a little longer.

Otherwise LuHan will realize that I already went thru my bag.

Ding dong!

He's here...

I turn around the frame displaying my mother's photo.

"I'm coming."

*click*

"I'm sorry, you must be tired."

"No, its fine."

I handed him the notebook. "Here you go."

He glances at my face. He looks relieved thinking that I didn't see anything. Then his expression darkens.

"What's wrong?"

I shake my head. "Nothing but I'm sorry. Coz of me, you had to come all the way back here."

"That's okay. It means I got to see you again."

He gently touches my cheek.

I stiffen at his mere touch.

The hand that killed my mother.

He must have realized that and quickly retract his hand. "Sorry."

"No, I am...."

Unable to look into his eyes, I look down on the floor instead.

"Dont make that face. I wouldnt do anything you sidnt want me to,"He said with a smile.

"Its not that.... I am still having this surreal feeling about us."I lied.

"Me too,"he confessed.

I look up at his face. 

"There's no point rushing things... We can take it slow."

"Okay,"I agreed.

LuHan looks back at me with a reluctant expression. He smiles, then leaves.

As soon as the door closes, I leaned against it....slowly sliding down to the floor as tears runs down my cheeks, feeling so hopeless.

Why? How is it that I still have feelings for you?

'Crash'

I look at where the sound came from.

Its my mother's photo frame that fell down from the its position, on top of the shoe cabinet.

I crawled my way and pick up the frame.

Mom........

The one who killed you, is it really him?

Are you angry with me now that I have feelings for him?

I squeeze the frame tight to my chest.

What am I going to do......?

Night becomes day and I couldnt get any sleep at all.

"Jiyoon,"

I turn around and saw LuHan behind me. "...Good morning."

I instinctively avoid making further eye contact with him.

I tried to walk away but he grabs me by the arm.

"What's wrong? You look tired."

"I'm fine."

"Did something happened after I left?"he asked in concern.

I shake my head in denial. "Nothing."

I look up at him. "This is interesting. I didnt know you were such a worrier."

I forced a smile, lightly remove his hand from my arm and then heads over to my desk.

I cant quit now, even if my enemy is LuHan. 

I've been living on this hatred for the past 12 years. Revenge is my only will to live.

I repeat this to myslef over and over again.

This is for my mother. No matter what happens, I will finish this!

Several days passed. I've been having insomnia. 

"What's happening?" I'm running alongside of Nurse Jihyun.

 "High fever and severe drop in heart rate,"she answered.

"Prepare the antibiotics and....."

My vision suddenly becomes blurry and I stumbled until I'm leaning against a wall.

Nurse Jihyun stopped and run back up to me.

"Dr. Jeon! Are you alright?"

Omg.... What is happening to me...

"Somebody? I need help!" 

Jihyun's voice becomes an echo in my ears. 

I can vaguely see someone exiting the nearby room.

I can no longer stand and lowered myself to the floor.

"Jiyoon!"

I can feel strong arms catching me.

Who is this?

 "Hang in there! I need you to stay with me!"

"....the patient...." I uttered.

"What patient?"

"Mr Soh in 756," I could hear Jihyun answering.

"I'll go..."

A different person starts running toward the room.

I watch helplessly in the arms of an unknown figure until darkness finally overwhelms me.

I woke up groggily and found myself on the sofa in the office. 

I sat up and held my spinning head.

"You're finally awake," Kris smiles at me.

So he's the one that caught me....

"I'm sorry..." I said weakly and then it hit me. "Oh no! Mr Soh!"

"He's doing fine," Kris assures me. "The treatment went smoothly. He's settled down."

"Ah...good. Thank you."

"What about you? Are you okay?"

"Yes..."

"SeHun came in here a moment ago. He says you're short on sleep."

I hung my head low. "I'm sorry. I didnt mean to cause anyone any trouble."

"Silly, there's no need to apologize. Everyone has their own share of problems."

"....."

"But just in case there's anything troubling you, I'd be happy to lend a listening ear."

I look at him with a smile. "Thank you. But I'm okay."

He looks at me in doubt. "You are?"

I choose to ignore that. Instead I got up," Well, I'm going to get back to work."

But Kris stops me. "You need to rest for today. Why dont you go home early and rest?"

"But I'm doing the outpatient examinations today..."

"If you're worried about that, XiaoLu said he'd take care of it. So you're free to go."

"I cant let him do that.... I'm fine really..."

I start to get up again but Kris sits me back down.

"Examining patients in this state that you're in wont make anyone happy, patients included. Futhermore, XiaoLu would stranggle me if he sees you working. You can rest in the call room if you want."

"Thanks."

"Its XiaoLu that you should be thanking. He's the hero of the day. He not only covers your outpatient examinations but also carried you all the way here."

LuHan did.....?

So those arms, they were......

Lying on the cold bed in the Call Room, I can still feel the sensation of arms wrapped around my waist. 

I looked at the wall and spaced out. 

He's dependable and makes me feel safe.

To think that it's LuHan........

My feelings for LuHan have become so intense, they're impossible for me to resist.

But...I am my mother's daughter....

*CLICK*

I stiffen at the sign that somebody entered the room.

A silhouette emerges in the semi-darkness room, It looks like LuHan.

Lu....Han............

Why now?

Well, if he thinks that I'm sleeping, he wont stay long.

"Jiyoon," 

I heard him whisper my name out softly.

I didnt stir even though in my mind, I would love to give him a big hug and kiss him soundly.

"So you're asleep...."

I felt his hand caressing my cheek and I can feel his whole body getting closer....

My eyes fluttered open and his face was right next to mine.

"LuHan....."

He didnt move away. "Sorry, did I wake you up? I couldnt help checking up on you, I've been worried.."

LuHan's face is so close to mine that I dreamily looked at his lips.

How would he taste like.......

He lowered his lips to mine but I turn my head away. 

He is still my enemy Godammit!

"Jiyoon..."

"We're at work,"I said as an exse as I turn my head back to look at him. 

He looked hurt at my unexpected action."Sorry, I just..........."

"Its ok...I'm sorry for worrying you."

I took his hand and held on to it.

He finally smiled. "Dont be... Anyway, I'm glad to see you alright. I hope you get a good rest."

I let go of his hand and watch sadly as he leaves the room.

LuHan's feelings and my own....... its taken a toll on me....

What am I going to do about them?

I crouch down in the dim light.

Getting revenge

Now it means using this relationship as a stepping stone for my revenge and also deceiving LuHan..

Can I do that?

Still without an answer, I visit my mother's grave on the anniversary of her death.

"Mom, I'm here.."

I burn incense and quietly put my hands together.

Its been 12 years since the day I vowed revenge.

I never would have guessed that things would turn out like this Mom.

The person I love turns out to be the real object of my revenge, the one who killed you, Mom.

What am I suppossed to do?

Heat slowly fills my eyes.

I'm in love with LuHan........

Even though I'm suppossed to hate him.

I've tried over and over again to hate him but I just cant!

"Mom....!"

I hear a rustling noise and turns around in surprise.

My eyes widen in shock. "LuHan.........."

He too looked surprised. "Jiyoon.... why?"

Unable to answer, I see the poppies that fell to onto LuHan's feet.

"I...."

The person who had been bringing a bouquet of poppies on my my mom's death anniversary, year after year... 

Its LuHan!!!!!!

"How...did you know Ms Kim Ok Bin?"

 I stared at LuHan with fresh tears running down my cheeks.

"I..."

I could see him clenching both fist. "This is impossible. You....you're her..."

All I could do was to nod my head.

"This is ...."

Neither of us move.

"Why arent you asking me anything?"he finally asked after a moment of silent. "About why I'm here."

My head hung low, my hair covering my face, "I...I saw it. Your notebook..."

"Oh,"

Luhan get down on his knees, looking crestfallen.

"I'm sorry...for keeping quiet until now. I'm the one who performed on Ms Kim Ok Bin's operation. I was a resident then. Your mother........."

"Stop! I dont want to hear it anymore. If I do, I wont be able to stop this..."

"What are you talking about?"

I look at him. "I've been living my life solely on revenge for the past 12 years."

He was alarmed when I confessed. "So...you..."

"I became a doctor in order to get my revenge and I went to that hospital for the same reason. To take the life of the Director, my mother's killer..."

Guilt twisted his features. "My God. It wasnt just Ms Kim life that I took ....but yours too. If only I'd had the courage to admit to what I've done then...."

LuHan puts his head in his hands. 

"I've always thought that this lie couldnt continue forever. That one day I would be judged for what I've done...So I've vowed that I wouldnt run from it when the time comes. Not this time. "

He put his head up and look at me,"I do not expect you to forgive me. But now that we're here, let me apologize properly."

LuHan puts his hands on the ground and bowed towards me. "I am truly sorry."

"LuHan....."

He's been suffering this whole time........just like me....

"Tell me what you want and I'll do it. Even if you tell me to take my own life!"

"Stop! Please, I cant listen to this anymore!"

I walk slowly to him and collapse at his side. "I dont want that. I love you.......... I wanna hate you but I can't....God, this hurts so much...."

"Jiyoon..."

LuHan tentatively reaches his hands out and rest it on my shoulder.

His mere touch, brings out the overwhelming emotions that I've been hiding all these while.

I caress his cheek with one hand,"If you're gone, I wouldnt know what to live for anymore... I cant kill you..."

Luhan pulls me closer to him and wrap his arms firmly around my trembling shoulders and rocked me softly.

"I'm sorry, I didnt mean to cause you any pain... But what should I do now Jiyoon.... Tell me what you want and I'll do anything for you. Tell me please, tell me what should I do? "

But I dont know either.....

A light breeze caresses my cheek, its as though my mom's hand was touching me and I close my eyes. 

I only know one thing..........

I love this person........

The wind feels so good and I feel myself forgiving everything. LuHan's crime and my own mistakes....

Mom...please forgive me.........

I've made up my mind and gently pulls away from LuHan's arms

"You've never forgotten about my mom for these past 12 years. Tormented by what you did, suffering.....You're exhausted yourself by devoting entirely to your patients...."

LuHan looked away. "What else can I do?"

I pull his face back to meet my eyes. "You cant live your life by constantly blaming yourself like that...Its too painful."

I picked up the bouquet of poppies and handed it back to him.

"Here, you were going to give these to my mom right?"

He sounded surprised. "You....you dont mind?"

I shake my head in answer.

LuHan let go of me, stood up and took the bouquet and approaches the gravestone.

He sets down the poppies and quietly puts his hands together in prayer.

LuHan suffered enough...

"Thanks,"he said as I stood by him.

"End this now."

"What?"

"I dont want you bringing anymore bouquets for the purpose of atonement. This is it."

"Alright."

I reaches for his hand and link my hand with his. "Instead of atonement, from now on....I wnat the bouquets you bring to her to be of happiness."

"Jiyoon....You....forgive me?"

I nodded in answer.

"Mom probably already forgiven you ages ago. This grave, surrounded by bouquets of poppies....When I come here and imagine her, I only see her with a smile on her her face. And that bitterness, and hate...living only for that...I could never be confident that....that's what my mom wanted..."

I look at my mom's gravestone. 

"Mom, I've made a decision...The obsession that I've been living for after you were gone....I'm giving it all up....I'm going to move forward and live my life towards happiness....okay?"

I turn to face him. "You too okay? Together with me if you would still have me."

LuHan looks at me with a confused expression. "I want to be with you. But would you be okay with that?"

I nod slowly.

"My life has always been with bitterness and hate but now I have to thank you for you've changed me. Giving me chance to start over."

LuHan wraps me up in an embrace.....

He's so warm.

I buried my head in his chest, taking in his heat and the smell of his light perfume. 

I've often felt like there's a part of me that's been frozen in ice for a very long time.

And now, the ice has began to melt away slowly......