"You again?"

I rolled my eyes. "Geez. And I was thinking, here you are again."

He doesnt look too happy to see me.

"Are you here by yourself?"

"Whenever I try to spend some time by myself, there you are."

"I'm sorry,"

Well, why am I sorry? What should I be sorry for? Its not as if I am stalking him. I must be crazy!

Lu Han quickly downs his entire glass of whiskey.

"One more please."

"Coming right up!"

It looks like he's been drinking for a while. Is he going to be alright?

'What?"he asked in irrate.

"I just didnt think you were much of a drinker. Did something happen?"

"There are times when even I want a drink,"

"Its just unexpected."

"Unexpected?'

"You're such a strong person. I didnt think you'd look to drink for borrowed strength."

"Strong huh..."he said in sarcasm.

He gave a slight laugh.

"I'm just a regular guy. I have the same feelings as anyone else."

"Yeah, you're right."

"What about you? Why are you here?"

"Actually I feel like I could use a drink tonight."

I was just thinking how it was a good thing that I didnt find him earlier.

But now, I'm glad I did.

The bartender places a glass in front of Lu Han and then looks over at me.

"Would you like to be seated together?'

"Um..."

I'd like to sit next to him and talk but he'd probably be annoyed.

Not knowing what to say, I look at Lu Han.

"Whatever you like,"he said.

"In that case, yes please."

Now here's an unexpected development.

It seems his guard is down for today, more than usual.

Maybe because he's drinking.

I sat next to him and ordered a martini.

What should I talk about...I cant confide in him about my current worries...

I'd like to know ehy he's drinking so much.

But I should start with something harmless.

"You..."

I look at him, surprised.

Now this is unusual...Lu Han's starting a conversation.

"You'll do good at the surgery. There's nothing exceptional about your surgical skills but you're careful and precise."

"Thanks."

"You shouldnt be choosy, just be active. Attempt every surgery as you can."

Is he referring to Ms Han's surgery?

"Dr Lu...Why?"

"There is no need to be so formal. Just call my name. Why what?"

"It been on my mind. I've never heard you hesitating to perform an operation before so why now?"

I glance at him.

"I dont know either."

He gulps down another glass.

"Does that operation have some kind of special significance for you?"

His eyebrow's flinch.

"No..nothing like that."

Of course, he wouldnt tell me......Why would he anyway..

"An operation is just an operation. Nothing special about it."

"I see."

Maybe I should goad him.

"I have one. An operation that holds a special significance to me....An operation that I'll never forget."

I fix my eyes on him.

A puzzled expression appears on his face.

"Its the first operation I performed with you, on my first day at Seoul General Hospital,"I lied.

"Oh, really."

"Your speed and precision, the delicate way you handled the knife. I couldnt believe myself. I decided right then. This is the guy to follow. I'm pretty sure you said it to me then too, at the welcome party. Something like 'Your technique is good. you just need experience.' "

"That's right."

"I was so happy. To think that I could receive a compliment from Dr Lu Han himself... And the fact that you went out of your way and came to the welcome party, just to tell me that, Well, thats what I thought anyway. Was I right?"

"The reason I went....was because I thought you look like someone."

"I remembered. That's what you said when we got into the taxi."

"I couldnt get it out of my head, I had to get an answer."

"Oh.."

"For some reason, when I see your face...."

He looks at me with pain in his eyes.

"For some reason? What is it?"

"Its nothing.."

Lu Han lowers his eyes.

"I'm sure its like what you said. I must have seen you when you came for your interview. But..."

He remembers me....But....

His phone rang.

"Sorry , hang on."

He steps outside to answer it.

I went to the ladies.

I look into the mirror and gaze at my reflection.

'You look like someone.'

Could he have some memory of the teenage me?

Or my mother?

Come to think of it, my grandma used to say, 'you look more like your mother with each passing year.'

12 years ago, Lu Han was a young resident.

Its even possible that he was already at Seoul General Hospital.

Could it be that he witnessed the cover up of his dad's error?

If so, that would be a huge shock.

And it would explain his reluctance in performing the operation.

My phone rang...

The hospital?

Why would they be calling me at this hour?

"Jeon speaking."

"Thank goodness you've answered."

"Sehun?"

"Yup, sorry for calling so late. I tried calling Lu Han a bunch of times but he aint picking up."

Lu Han must still be on the phone.

"Oh okay..so?"

"Actually, I am looking for someone who can perform an operation tomorrow morning. Could you do it?"

"Well, I am available tomorrow."

"Then will you do it?'

"Yes, that would be fine."

"Good, thank you so much. Could you come to Internal Medicine tomorrow by 7am? I'll give you the details then."

"That will be fine but you dont need Dr Lu for this?"

"I didnt mean it had to be Lu Han. Dont worry about it."

"Okay, I'll tell..."

I suddenly stop myself.

"Wait, are you with him right now?"

"Huh? No!"

"But you just said you'd..."

"I was about to ask if I should try calling him, thats all."

"Is that right? Whatever you say. You're not at home?

"Huh? Well, I..."

"Really? I was right? I was just kidding around, but...."

"Hey..Sehun."

"Yes?"

"Arent you on call?"

"Yes, that's right."

"Okay, so get back to work. I'm hanging up."

"Heh heh. Di I make you mad? I'm sorry."

"Its okay. I'm not mad."

"Good, well see you tomorrow."

"All right. Fighting."

"Thanks.Goodnight."

Ugh...that guy has peculiarly good intuition. I cant let my guard down.

I got back to my seat but Lu Han is still missing.

"He wouldnt have left already, right?" I muttered.

"That's right. I believe he's still outside,"the bartender informs.

"Thanks."

That's a pretty long phone call. I wonder if something happened at the hospital?

"Would you care for another drink?"the bartender asked.

"Yes please."

As he was making my drink, I asked the bartender. "The guy who was here, does he comes here often?"

He stopped to think.

"Hmm...I cant say that he does, no. I think he works around here so sometimes he stops by."

"Yes, its practically right outside the bar. We are colleagues."

"You are? He's been coming here ever since we first opened."

"Is that right."

So he's something of a regular...

"I have no idea the side streets around here were hiding such a great place. Have you been open long?"

"This year...it will be out 13th year."

So this place has been opened for more than 12 years.

Lu Han HAS been at this hospital since he was a resident.

"Does he always come alone?"

"Yes, he does."

"Is he always like this?"

"Yeah but when he first showed up here, he looked a lot happier. He was this young guy, always laughing about something."

"Interesting..."

The same Lu Han used to be a happy man...

"That's hard to imagine considering what he's like now."

"Right? When was it that he changed...? Now when he drinks, its like he's doing it as a form of punishment...And he barely says anything.He must have been thru something pretty bad."

Something so bad that it changes who he was.

What happened to him?

Knowing about the medical error committed by his father or is it something else?

The door opens....

"That took a while. Were you called into work?"

"Yeah.."

"So are you heading back there now?"

"No, I asked the doctor who's on call to take care of it."

"You dont have to go in?"

"Its not important. I cant go back there like this anyway."

True..he had a bit too much to drink and is in no condition to see a patient.

"Another please."

He's still drinking.

'Something clearly happened. You're having an awful lot to drink,"I commented.

'You think so."

"Wanna tell me what is it?"

He was silent.

I wont get it out of him after all....

Just because he's drunk doesnt mean that he'll want to open up to me.

"What about you? It seems like something happened to you."

I look down to avoid his gaze.

I want to tell him but I cant. 

To tell him that I am afraid that I will make the same mistake as the Director.

"Something you cant say?"

"No, I didnt want to say anything but I cant stop myself. I want to do a good work and I know I have to work jhard but I'm really scared.I just kept thinking whether is this really something that I can do?"

"Me too. We're kind of similar."

"We are?"

What is he talking about?

"You asked me before, why I hesitated to perform Ms Han's surgery. No matter how good my reputation is or how many operations I performed, there is no such thing as perfect. Worry only increases with experience and skill."

But he makes all operations look so easy.

But Lu Han is silently battling against enormous pressure.

"So its because of Ms Han's operation that you're drinking tonight?"

"Its not because of any one operation. But..."

"But...?"

"Sometimes I think, can I really save this patient?"

Even a doctor as amazing as Lu Han has these thoughts.....

The patients think that if they have a surgeon as good as Lu han as their doctor, then their operation has to be a success.

But it must be terrible to wonder whether you can continue to meet those expectations.

And then there's me worrying about my own personal issues. I'm pathetic.

"I'm...going to do my best."

"Oh?"

"Listening to you makes me think that I have to try harder."

"Listening to me?"

"Yeah, my anxieties are nothing compared to what you're going thru....But if I keep feeling like a child at times like this, I'll never be good enough to be your partner."

"I see."

Lu Han's eyes fall to his glass of whiskey, which he shakes quietly.

"Would you let me have half?"

"The thing that's worrying you at the moment...."

"I want you on Ms Han's surgery with me. I'll do everything in my power to help you. I'll be your support."

Though, he looks surprised, Lu Han said nothing more after that.

The bar was closing when we left.

Lu Han looks really drunk, I wonder if he's ok.

"Ah, taxi!!"

A passing taxi stops and I turn to Lu Han.

"Here, you can take this cab."

"Go ahead.."he declined.

"But.."

"Just get in."

"Then why dont we just share the cab?"I suggested."I can drop you off first like last time."

"Then you should get dropped off first."

"Its a deal. Let's go."

Lu Han stares absently out the window.

I watch his reflection.

He's been silent this whole time. What is he thinking about...?

Why did I say that, 'Would you let me take half?' I dont know anything about his problems. 

He must be thinking that was a cheap thing for me to say.

"I'm thinking of performing Ms Han's operation."

"Lu Han...."

"Thank you for helping me decide."

"I'm glad if I can be of any small help to you,"I said happily.

"Its not small.."

"What?"

"You...."

Lu Han rest his head on my shoulder.

"Lu Han?"

I slowly turn to look at his face and see that his eyes are closed.

He...fell asleep. That was a surprise.

I thought he couldnt sleep without taking sleeping pills.

I'll let him rest.

"I like it here...,"he whispered.

He's talking in his sleep?

"When I'm with you...I'm able to sleep..."

I glance at Lu Han's face once more.

I can hear the gentle breathing of somebody who is asleep.

His face looks defenseless in his sleep.

He looks nothing like the person I see at the hospital.

But even Lu Han looks like this sometimes....

I must have loved you all so much... I skipped my sleep for this chapter... 

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!